Behind locked doors
by Drucilla Black
Summary: Two Malfoys living under one roof, both of whom feel constantly lost, lonely, misunderstood and most of all, unloved. But when fate steps in, they slowly forge bonds under morbid similarities. From then on, almost anything is possible...(Malfoycest)
1. Prologue: The Final Decision

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BEHIND LOCKED DOORS

WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.

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Prologue: The Final Decision 

"And your verdict?" Cornelius Fudge asked the witch speaking for the jury. She stood up, straightening her navy robes and put on a pair of glasses to read out the verdict that she and the eleven other witches and wizards had drawn in the three hours they had spent in the room.

The trial had gone for nearly five days as evidence was presented, emotions thrown into turmoil, fingers were pointed and hexes were shielded.

"On the charge of non-consensual acts with a minor, we, the jury, find the accused, Lucius Octavius Malfoy…Not Guilty." The courtroom was silent with exception of two simultaneous sighs of relief as the juror turned over her parchment to continue her reading.

"However…on the charge of being sexually involved with a minor, and on the charge of being willingly involved in an incestuous relationship, we, the jury, find the accused, Lucius Octavius Malfoy…guilty on both counts." Fudge nodded calmly before directing his attention towards the handsome, refined man sitting before him. The man's face remained impassive but a mixture of pain, dread and regret was visible in his silver orbs.

"For your nauseating crimes of lust-"

"There was no lust!" The man interrupted, his voice raspy from stress and defeat. "I loved him and shall continue to do so until the day I die. I did what I did because I was in love and I still am. Why must you all insist on deriding my feelings for the person that has given my life meaning and happiness just because we are from the same bloodline?" His words fell on deaf ears.

"Lucius Malfoy, for your nauseating crimes of lust," Fudge started again, his voice slightly raised "I hereby sentence you to serve seven years between the walls of Azkaban, and you shall not be eligible for parole until you have served an absolute minimum of three years. May the Gods have pity on your soul… …take him away."

Lucius, who was now completely drained of all fortitude and exhausted beyond belief, offered no resistance as the dark, shadow-like creatures called Dementors bound his wrists with a powerful charm and forcefully lifted him out of his seat to begin the journey to what would become his new home for at least the next three years: Azkaban.

It was at that moment that time seemed to stand still. The silver-blonde youth sitting in the front row sobbed quietly in dismay, not bothering to wipe away the tears that stained his pale cheeks. His companion, a middle-aged yet delicately beautifully woman with silver-blonde hair like his, appeared to remain indifferent except for the tiniest of smirks on her full, pink lips.

//Goodbye, Lucius darling. A Malfoy wife and Black daughter may put up with many things in a loveless marriage, but you should've been wiser…did you really think I would put up with you warming MY bed with OUR son? What goes around comes around, my darling. Enjoy the rest of your life in Azkaban!//

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	2. Amidst this emptiness

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BEHIND LOCKED DOORS

WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.

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Chapter One: Amidst this emptiness

WINTER HOLIDAYS. DURING DRACO'S THIRD YEAR…

Lucius dipped his quill into the inkwell to continue writing his speech for the next Ministry meeting. He paused to roll his eyes. The job, while high-paying and commanding respect, was not in his favour. Quite honestly, it was unquestionably dull in comparison to the job he had before the fall of Voldemort, barely thirteen years beforehand.

He had much preferred the days of the Death-Eaters. Days when he was free to inflict death or mind-bending pain upon the impure kind with a flick of his wand. Days when Voldemort had trained him and many other faithful servants how make fire dance from their fingertips, how to make the strongest Mudblood shriek in agony and how to force darkness to envelope the minds and souls of unwilling victims.

But those days were long gone, and Lucius seriously doubted he would ever have the chance to experience his old life once more. He hated that, but he was smart enough to know better than to voice his opinions and tarnish the Malfoy name. This was especially important in the presence of the other high-class, pureblood families such as the Parkinsons, the Zabinis, the McNairs and, to some extent, what was left of the Black family. After all, his wife, Narcissia, was a Black.

In their eyes, and in the eyes of several other lower-class wizards, Lucius Malfoy was nothing short of faultless. Not only was he handsome, aristocratic, rich and pureblood; he also had a very beautiful pureblood wife, was known for his generous donations to certain facilities, and his son and heir, Draconis Consternatius Malfoy, was growing up to become a stylish, intelligent young gentlemen who could be considered a good catch for whoever he would end up betrothed to.

Yet none of this seemed to bring Lucius any happiness, for all this perfection was merely superficial. Underneath it all, there was nothing but dark, neverending emptiness teamed with deep bouts of depression that seemed to take a sadistic form of pleasure in mocking him day in, day out. Nothing that anybody, including himself, said or did, seemed to be capable of filling the emptiness of lifting the depression.

Lucius sighed in frustration, discarding his quill for the moment. He wasn't a fool; he knew the reason why the emptiness and depression remained just underneath his skin, day in, day out. Loneliness. To bystanders, it probably sounded absurd. After all, not only had Lucius been married for many years, his circle of high-society friends was definitely not minuscule.

He snorted resentfully. So what? They were only his friends when it suited them. Lucius knew that if he had been any less than high-class, or his bloodline had the slightest impurity, they wouldn't hesitate to leave his side. And when it came to his marriage to Narcissia, marriage didn't necessarily equal true love and happiness. There was definitely no love between them. It was an arranged marriage with the simple intent of keeping their bloodlines pure and producing at least one heir to carry on the Malfoy name…

A sharp knock on the door interrupted his train of thought. Lucius frowned in annoyance. He had told Narcissia only to bother him if it was genuinely important.

"This had better be good, Narcissia." He said irritably, swinging his chair around to the door. It wasn't Narcissia. Draco raised an eyebrow, holding out a piece of rolled-up parchment to him.

"Your owl bought this just now. It's from the Ministry, Father." He informed. Lucius nodded apathetically, taking the parchment from him and unrolling it. After scanning through and seeing nothing of particular interest or use to him, he discarded it in the fireplace. Draco was still standing there, eyes fixed on him.

"What is it, Draco?" Lucius asked impatiently. "Do you have anything else you wish to inform me of?"

"I…Mother and I just need to know…"

"Yes? Come on! I don't have all afternoon!" Draco bit his lip, feeling rather small under his Father's penetrating stare.

"Will you be joining us for dinner tonight, or would you prefer to have a tray of food brought up to your study?"

"I would prefer the latter. You and your Mother are aware that I am very busy and I don't like being away from my work for too long."

"Oh." There was obviously a tinge of discontent in the 'oh.' Lucius frowned, but remained silent as Draco left his study.

***************

Some hours later, Lucius heard a sharp knock at the door. He opened it, expecting to see one of their many house-elves struggling under a heavy tray of food. He was surprised to see Draco again, silently holding out the tray of food to him. It was strange, considering that 'helpful' or 'considerate of others' were not phrases he would use to describe his only son.

"Are the house-elves alright?" He asked warily.

"Of course!" Draco replied confusedly. "Why would you ask that?"

"You were never a considerate child unless you had an ulterior motive, Draco." Draco smirked, but Lucius noticed a slight hurt in his silver eyes. The truth could hurt.

"You caught me out again, Father, and I do have a motive for my hospitality. But I doubt you can guess it."

"Very well. Come in." Lucius gave an indifferent wave of his hand and took the tray from his son, placing it on a small mahogany table between two comfortable armchairs.

"So, what is it you want this time, Draco?" Lucius asked, helping himself to the venison and expensive Ice Brandy. "A new broom, perhaps? A raise in your weekly allowance, which, may I add, runs well into four figures. Your own private wing in the Manor? Permission to test your hexes on the house-elves?" A smirk curled on the man's thin lips. 

"Actually, none of those are right, Father. What I want has more to do you with you than with me." Draco answered, taking a mouthful of Ice Brandy. Lucius had been allowing Draco to drink ever since he had started at Hogwarts.

"Oh? And what about me?" Draco paused for a moment. He seemed to be carefully considering his words before speaking.

"Well… …I know I shouldn't be prying into your business… …but… …I can't help feeling there's really something wrong with you!" He blurted out. Lucius' face twitched, momentarily expressing surprise which he was quick to mask over.

"Something is wrong with *me?* Why, in the name of Merlin, would you be thinking that I have any problems?" He demanded, wondering if Draco was sharper than he had been given credit for in the past.

"Well… …" Draco hesitated for a moment, then began to blurt out all his reasons. "You isolate yourself from Mother and from myself. You sit in this dark, lonely room all day, supposedly writing speeches for Ministry meetings. I cannot remember the last time I witnessed you smiling or laughing without malice and I know you suffer from insomnia because I am a moderate sufferer of the affliction. Oh, and there is one more sign that I am not going to ignore…"

"And that would be?" Lucius asked in exasperation. He winced in pain when Draco roughly grabbed him by the left arm and forced up his sleeve to reveal numerous scarlet lines, some long, some short and all made by the same, double-edged dagger. A frown crossed Draco's face as he examined the wounds. Many were covered in scabs or still slightly raw in appearance, a telltale sign that they were fairly new.

"Why do you do this, Father?" He asked, a mixture of barely subdued rage and great sadness in his voice. Lucius yanked his arm out of his son's grasp and glared at him, trying to mask the vulnerability he felt from his son knowing his dark little secret. The vulnerability seemed to ignite a strange sort of rage within him and, almost unconsciously, Lucius reached out and struck Draco across the face, leaving a red imprint of his hand against Draco's pale cheek. 

"Get out." Lucius ordered through gritted teeth. Draco slowly shook his head once. Left, right, back to centre.

"No." His voice was calm. "I will not leave until you at least let me know-"

"It doesn't concern you!" Lucius hissed vehemently. "You are but a child. I am your Father, and I am ordering you to leave my study IMMEDIATELY!" Draco's jaw clenched momentarily in defiance, then relaxed as he reluctantly stood up, a strangely sad look on his young face.

"I'm only pointing out the obvious fact that you have some serious issues, Father." His voice had dropped to just above a whisper. "I sincerely doubt you would be able to handle them alone, but, seeing as you have cast off my attempt to help, I can say that you are on your own now. I bid you good night." Without another word, he left the study, shutting the door behind him.

Lucius stared blankly at the door for a moment. His next movement was to swear and scream in frustration, throwing the expensive tableware off his tray to smash all over the floor. His breathing was shuddery as sweaty, shaking hands fumbled with the lock on the desktop's chest. A sharp 'click' told him it was open and he reached inside the chest to grasp his dagger.

It was a truly beautiful yet horrifically ugly thing all at once. Its blade was paper-thin, yet, like the edge of paper, it could cause pain and draw blood. Several small rubies were encrusted on the handle. Red rubies, like the red blood the dagger would soon draw from him.

Lucius gritted his teeth as he sliced through a still-healing wound and the blood began to run free down his arm. He inhaled sharply as the dagger came forth again, tearing across a small patch of unwounded skin. The blood ran in tiny rivulets down his scarred forearm, separating at his fingers and dripping onto the pale grey marble floor, dotting it a dark crimson. A strangled sob rose in his chest. 

He hated feeling this way. So full of bottled-up rage and frustration, yet so empty and alone, with only the dagger to remind him that he was still alive. He hated his life. He hated the daft aristocrats that filled his social circle. He hated depending on the dagger clasped in his right hand to remind him he was still alive. And he hated himself for not being strong enough to do anything about it.

**__**
    
    Wake up,
    Grab a brush and put a little (makeup),
    Grab a brush and put a little,
    Hide the scars to fade away the (shakeup)
    Hide the scars to fade away the,
    Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?
    Here you go create another fable
    You wanted to,
    Grab a brush and put a little makeup,
    You wanted to,
    Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup,
    You wanted to,
    Why'd you leave the keys upon the table,
    You wanted to,
    I don't think you trust,
    In, my, self righteous suicide,
    I, cry, when angels deserve to die, Die,
    Wake up,
    Grab a brush and put a little (makeup),
    Grab a brush and put a little,
    Hide the scars to fade away the (shakeup)
    Hide the scars to fade away the,
    Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?
    Here you go create another fable
    You wanted to,
    Grab a brush and put a little makeup,
    You wanted to,
    Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup,
    You wanted to,
    Why'd you leave the keys upon the table,
    You wanted to,
    I don't think you trust,
    In, my, self righteous suicide,
    I, cry, when angels deserve to die
    In my, self righteous suicide,
    I, cry, when angels deserve to die
    Father, Father, Father, Father,
    Father/ Into your hands/I/commend my spirit,
    Father, into your hands,
    Why have you forsakee,
    In your thoughts forsaken me,
    In your heart forsaken, me oh,
    Trust in my self righteous suicide,
    I, cry, when angels deserve to die,
    In my self righteous suicide,
    I, cry, when angels deserve to die.
    "Chop Suey!" - System of a Down


	3. Conversations of the insomniacs

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BEHIND LOCKED DOORS

WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.

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Chapter Two: Conversations of the Insomniacs 

SUMMER BREAK AFTER DRACO'S FOURTH YEAR

It was past two-thirty in the morning, but all was not peaceful in the Malfoy manor. The house-elves continued along with their chores. Even in sleep they would work. Expensive grandfather clocks in the numerous halls ticked and tocked in an eerily structured manner. And the soft, haunting strains of Beethoven could be heard from one of the Malfoy's many 'family rooms.'

Draco Malfoy, clad in pyjamas of matte grey silk, padded silently down one of the many hallways. His insomnia had come back again after nearly a fortnight of undisturbed sleep. However, Draco saw his insomnia as a strangely helpful thing. When he was unable to sleep, he had time to think through his problems. It was during these sleepless nights that he was able to think up ideas for difficult assignments, solve relationship problems, and consider ways to cope with any problems he had. 

The strains of Beethoven's 'Ode to Joy' reached his ears and an ironic snigger bubbled in his throat. The melody sounded strangely out of place in this big, dreary mansion. 'Funabre Marche (The Funeral March)' or maybe 'Moonlight Sonata' would have been much more appropriate.

Reaching the family room, Draco opened the door and was not at all surprised to see his Father wide-awake, sitting on one of the comfortable armchairs in the room, staring fixedly at a silver goblet of some obviously alcoholic blend grasped in his thin hands. Draco noticed with some surprise that he wasn't wearing a shirt. It was very unlike Lucius to go without his trademark high-necked shirts, and now Draco could see why. It wasn't just his arm that Lucius had scarred. His chest was marked too. Some scars barely half an inch long, others running from his armpit, stopping just short of his navel. And many of them had obviously been re-opened after they had healed.

As if on instinct, Lucius looked up from his goblet. He looked surprised, but not irritated to see his son. But, maybe, Draco thought, he doesn't care because he isn't sober.

"What?" Lucius' clipped tone broke the heavy silence between them. Draco shrugged and sat down on the chair next to him. More silence.

"You know, Father" Draco said primly "It is considered bad manners if you do not offer your guest a drink." He paused to smirk. "By the way, I take my scotch straight. With ice."

Surprisingly, this managed to crack the tension in the room. A low chuckle rose in the older man's throat.

"Well, Draco, I'm afraid we have no scotch at the moment. You shall have to settle for a FireWhiskey." His voice slurred a little, the only sign that he wasn't sober. Intoxicated or not, Lucius always managed to maintain his aristocracy and style. Draco simply raised an eyebrow at his Father.

"Can I have an answer now?" He asked, getting straight to the point after pouring himself a glass of FireWhiskey. The question seemed to sober up the older man instantaneously. His eyes once more became completely clear and alert and his voice lost it's relaxed slur. 

"An answer for what?" He demanded. 

" You are more than aware of what I am talking about. How long have you been disfiguring yourself and what compels you to do it?" Lucius snickered darkly.

"Hasn't your Mother ever told you that you shall grow old early if you become too inquisitive?" Draco glared.

"Stop dancing around the question, Father!" He snapped irritably.

"You are my son. I am your Father." Lucius said simply. "I do not have to answer to you. You are simply a meddlesome child who is unaware of the issues us adults must deal with."

"Do not patronize me!" Draco hissed. "I have been through more than you understand since my second year. I survived through sheer will and determination. All I want to do is help you because when I look at you, I see my old problems resurfacing in the life of another person. I understand how you feel." Lucius sneered.

"What makes you think that you understand?" Draco shoved up one arm of his pyjama sleeve. It was in that split second that a rare moment occurred. Lucius' face changed from his usual mask of indifference to pure astonishment. Draco's arm, once smooth and pale as the ivory keys on a piano, was marred up to the elbow by thin scars, mostly pale pink or off-white in colour.

"I understand because I once had similar problems." His voice was calm. "Like you, I sank into depression during my Second and Third years because I felt worthless and unloved. Pansy cheated on me with Marcus Flint after we had been together for three months. Honestly though, the least she could have done was cheat on me with somebody *remotely* attractive. He looked like a giant rat with that whiskery face and bad teeth… …" Draco paused, then, realising he had his Father's attention, took a deep breath and continued.

"My marks were never high enough. It didn't matter how late I stayed up to study, I could never beat that *stupid* *Gryffindor* *mudblood!* I missed out on so much sleep because I stayed up studying and stressing over such insignificant things! Then, Vincent and Gregory told me they were together in the middle of the Third Year. They said they didn't even know if it would work, but I started to feel more like a spare wheel than part of the group, even after they broke up. I know they never meant to isolate me, but that's just how things were. And to top it all off, I found out I was bisexual when I developed…*feelings* for a Ravenclaw called Terry Boot!" He paused again, mainly to take another deep breath and compose himself.

"I felt miserable, alone. So, I decided to deal with my problems in the most absurd manner. I held them inside me and shut everybody out. And when the emotional pain became too much, I dulled it with physical pain. I started cutting myself." His voice dropped to a whisper as he finished. Lucius stared at his son, mixed emotions coursing through him, the main one being disbelief. Disbelief that his proud, aristocratic son had taken the same path as he was on now.

"So you see, I have an idea of what you are feeling." Draco finished. "It's a long road and I want to help you before it's too late." He reached out, attempting to clasp one of his Father's hands in a gesture of concern. Much to his disappointment, Lucius yanked his hand free and glared at the younger Malfoy.

"What *are* you insinuating about me, Draco Malfoy?" He demanded, a hint of indignation in his voice. "Before it's too late? By Merlin's Beard, could you be more melodramatic? Are you insinuating that I might try to end my life? Only those of feeble blood commit such an act!"

"Incorrect." Was the only reply he received.

"Do *not* correct me, Draco!" Lucius' voice rose slightly. 

"I am not correcting you Father. I am simply telling you that it is not only those of feeble blood who have desired or even attempted to end their lives."

"Oh, is that so? Then feel free to name me one!" Draco simply motioned towards his arm once more, this time to a particular bright pink scar that covered the vital artery on his arm. For once in his life, Lucius was speechless. He opened his mouth, trying to come up with a rebuttal, then closed it again silently. Draco stood up and straightened his pyjama sleeves.

"You are entitled to stay up and drink all night, but I'm going back to my room for some much-needed sleep. Good night, Father." Without another word, he left the room to a bewildered and problematical Lucius who was pondering the events of their insomnia-induced conversation.

**__**
    
    I'm finding my way back to sanity again
    Though I don't really know what
    I'm gonna do when I get there
    Take a breath and hold on tight
    Spin around one more time
    And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace
    'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
    And even if you don't want to speak tonight
    That's alright, alright with me
    'Cause I want nothing more than to
    Sit outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing
    Is where I want to be, yeah...
    Where I wanna be...
    I am looking past the shadows
    Of my mind into the truth and
    I'm trying to identify
    The voices in my head
    God, which one is you
    Let me feel one more time
    What it feels like to feel alive
    And break these calluses off of me
    One more time
    'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
    And even if you don't want to speak tonight
    That's alright, alright with me
    'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
    Outside your door and listen to you breathing
    Is where I want to be, yeah...
    I don't want a thing from you
    Bet you're tired of me, waiting
    For the scraps to fall
    Off of your table to the ground
    'Cause I just want to be here now
    'Cause I am hanging on every word you're sayin'
    Even if you don't wanna speak tonight, that's alright, alright with me
    'Cause I want nothing more
    Than to sit outside Heaven's door
    And listen to you breathing
    It's where I wanna be, yeah...(x2)
    Where I wanna be...
    Where I wanna be...
    


	4. Brick Walls and Borrowed Daggers

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BEHIND LOCKED DOORS

WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.

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Chapter Three: Brick Walls and Borrowed Daggers 

A fortnight of the summer holidays went by in the Malfoy manor and not much was out of place. Social events came and went, most of them to do with business of Voldemort's reign. Lucius spent more and more time absorbed in his 'dark studies,' rarely leaving his study. Narcissia spent most of her days socialising with other aristocratic women, taking in gossip and rumours.

More house elves appeared out of nowhere, for it was their mating season, and nearly as many died at the hands of Draco. Draco, like most Malfoy men, was a sadist who enjoyed the 'snap-crack' noise that came from breaking the neck or spine of a timid-yet-irritating little house-elf. 

Narcissia, after discovering her son's macabre fetish, simply instructed him to keep a limit on the amount of house-elves he killed. After all, they were there to tend to everybody's beck and call, not for morbid games of a bored adolescent. 

Bored was hardly the reason though. Frustrated would have been much more appropriate. Every time Draco twisted the neck or cracked the pencil-thin spine of another house-elf, his thoughts were miles away on the insomnia-induced conversation with his father. It had been a waste of time, really, like hitting a brick wall with your fist just because you were angry. Lucius was an obstinate and ignorant man and would never admit to having a problem. Hell, Draco had peeled off a layer of his life and handed it over to Lucius in order to make him understand and it still hadn't worked. Now, his father knew he was a former suicidal and cutter, and all for nothing. It was frustrating as well as painful. He couldn't be bothered to try talking again now. He would just be repeating himself.

//Damn you! Damn you to perdition, Father! Why won't you listen to me?// 

He grunted in irritation as the squealing house-elf struggled in his arms, trying to get away. It was obviously a very young one, probably only a few days old. The older ones were too meek and obedient to put up a struggle. *Crack-CRACK!* The elf stopped struggling and went limp as he twisted the neck brutally, breaking it on the first try. Sighing in a mixture of frustration and boredom, he tossed its carcass to the ground. The other elves would take it away later. He frowned as a thin line of blood appeared on his unscarred right arm from the scratch marks of the dead house-elf, then a slow smirk stretched across his face. An idea on how to make Lucius understand had come to him. It was all clear now.

It was late in the evening as the idea came into plan. Lucius exited his study to prepare for the dinner party with the Parkinsons, one of the few pureblood families he considered of equal rank to his own. They were scheduled to arrive in five minutes, but because the Parkinsons were notorious for their fashionably late arrivals, he would have just enough time to bathe and dress for their arrival.

Meanwhile, Draco slipped back into his Father's study. He had been there many times before and it only took him a minute to find what he was looking for. The blood-encrusted dagger that had marred his Father's arms. He whispered a charm to clean it, not wanting to risk any chance of an infection, then closed his eyes and gritted his teeth as for the first time in six months, he began to re-open the skin on his left arm…

The Parkinson family arrived at a time that could be described as fashionably late. Ten minutes late. By then, the house-elves had finished preparing the three-course meal for the night and the house was as neat as a pin. Lucius greeted them at the front door, dressed in his trademark black, high-necked robe that concealed his self-inflicted scars. He made polite conversation with Julius and Cassandra Parkinson in the guest room, completely ignoring their adolescent daughter, Pansy, who sipped the butterbeer poured by the house-elves as she fiddled with her red taffeta dress-robes. 

Narcissia entered the guest room, dressed in silk robes, matte silver in colour. She sat down next to Lucius, not saying a word. Nobody would be going to the dining room until all guests were present.

Five minutes went by and Draco had not made an appearance. Narcissia remained calm, suggesting they start the first course without him. After all, this wasn't the first time a sulky Draco had insisted on being tardy for dinner guests. However, nearly ten minute into the dinner, he had still failed to show up. Narcissia, calm and apathetic, made a mental note to lecture her son about his manners. Lucius, however, was thinking on an entirely different wavelength. He was remembering the insomnia-induced conversation that had occurred between himself and his son only a fortnight before. He remembered seeing Draco's pale arm marred by pink and white scar tissue and his admittance that once, like Lucius, he had been addicted to the rush of pain that came only from slicing open one's skin.

***"So you see, I have an idea of what you are feeling." Draco finished. "It's a long road and I want to help you before it's too late."***

//Before it's too late…It's too late…Too late…// The words echoed and pounded in Lucius' brain, and suddenly, he felt a rush of panic as his throat and chest tightened agonizingly. Breathing heavily, he shoved his chair away from the table and bolted out of the dining room, much the shock of Narcissia and the Parkinsons.

The panic increased as Lucius made it to the top of the stairs. Something was happening to Draco, he just knew it. He checked Draco's room and ensuite. Both were empty, as was the bedroom and the ensuite he shared with Narcissia. Draco had to be in one of the rooms. The guest rooms were also empty and so was his study…except for one thing. A trail of blood started at the foot of the door. Dark crimson blots pointed a tell-tale arrow to the whereabouts of Draco Malfoy. 

Lucius opened the door to the one room he normally wouldn't have bothered to check. His private library, filled with all the books on darkness. Dark wizards, dark magic, irreversible curses and hexes, and information on the most notorious criminal wizards and witches. And right in the middle of the room lay the near lifeless body of Draco Malfoy, his arms surrounded by his dark crimson, almost black blood that he had allowed to flow from the neat slices on each of his arms. As if by instinct, Draco's head turned and his cold, glassy eyes met Lucius' gaze.

"It's too late for us both now. We're both beyond help."

**__**
    
    I cannot take this anymore
    I'm saying everything I've said before
    All these words they make no sense
    I find bliss in ignorance
    Less I hear the less you'll say
    But you'll find that out anyway
    Just like before...
    Everything you say to me
    Takes me one step closer to the edge
    And I'm about to break
    I need a little room to breathe
    Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
    And I'm about to break
    I find the answers aren't so clear
    Wish I could find a way to disappear
    All these thoughts they make no sense
    I find bliss in ignorance
    Nothing seems to go away
    Over and over again
    Just like before...
    Everything you say to me
    Takes me one step closer to the edge
    And I'm about to break
    I need a little room to breathe
    Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
    And I'm about to break
    Everything you say to me
    Takes me one step closer to the edge
    And I'm about to break
    I need a little room to breathe
    Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
    And I'm about to.... break!
    Shut up when i'm talking to you
    Shut up, shut up, shut up
    Shut up when i'm talking to you
    Shut up, shut up, shut up
    I'm about to break!
    Everything you say to me
    Takes me one step closer to the edge
    And I'm about to break
    I need a little room to breathe
    Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
    And I'm about to break
    Everything you say to me
    Takes me one step closer to the edge
    And I'm about to break
    I need a little room to breathe
    Cause I'm one step closer to the edge 

And I'm about to.... break

"One Step Closer" by Linkin Park


	5. Breathe in, Breathe out and learn to tal...

****

BEHIND LOCKED DOORS

WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.

**********************************************************

****

Prologue: Breathe in, breathe out and learn to talk 

The world appeared as a blurred grey blob when Draco opened his eyes. He was faintly aware that he was lying in a bed and could feel a thick, heavy blanket covering his lower body. He blinked twice, trying to make everything come into focus. There was a tall, slim figure sitting at the foot of his bed, twisting its hands. For a moment, Draco believed it to be his Father. His heart sank as his vision returned. It was Narcissia Malfoy sitting on the foot of his bed, concern and pain obvious in her porcelain features.

"Draco?" Her voice was barely above a whisper. "Draco. Are you alright?" Sighing inwardly, Draco nodded once in affirmation.

"Where's Father?" He asked. Narcissia raised her pale eyebrows.

"Your Father is…very busy right now." She answered. "He has many things to complete for the upcoming ministry meeting." And without another word, she kissed the top of Draco's silvery head and left the room, hoping that Draco had not been aware of her little white lie. Draco sighed again, more in disappointment than anything before closing his eyes again.

Lucius drummed his quill against the dark rosewood of his desktop, apathetic towards the dark inkblot forming on the lacquered wood. His mind was miles away from the thesis on Azkaban parole violators that he was supposed to be writing. Instead, the thoughts were focused solely on Draco. Draco's winsome expression as he revealed himself to be a former cutter and suicidal. The wry half-smirk on Draco's face as he broke yet another house-elf's neck. And a blank-faced, cold-eyed Draco lying on the floor of his library with dark crimson, almost black blood pooling around him.

Growling in frustration, Lucius muttered a charm and held out his hand, summoning the dagger to it. Gritting his teeth, he slowly ran the dagger's edge along an old wound, bringing searing pain and guilty pleasure at the same time.

"So I see you have learnt nothing from my actions!" A frustrated voice interrupted him. Lucius inhaled sharply and whipped around, dropping the dagger on the floor. Draco stared at his Father, his ivory face expressionless but his silvery eyes burning with pain and barely-subdued rage.

"Draco Consternatious Malfoy! What do you think you are doing out of your room? I am sure your Mother gave you specific orders not to leave your room for the next two days and not to interrupt me in my study!"

"She did neither." Draco answered in a dangerously calm voice. The rage was still burning in his eyes. "Anyway, that's beside the point, Father. We need to talk."

"There is nothing to talk about." Lucius answered curtly. "Nothing except the fact that my son is an ungrateful weakling who made a ridicule and a mockery of the family name by attempting to end his life in the presence of another high-society, pureblood family."

Draco's eyes widened, and if possible, seemed to fill with even more pain and rage. Lucius used his son's shock as an opportunity to kick the dagger under another chair. Silence hung in the air; it's tension thick enough to cut. Then Draco reached out and for the first and last time in his entire life, struck his Father sharply across the face.

"How dare you!" Draco hissed savagely. "How dare you! I peeled off an entire layer of my goddamn life and handed it over to you to make you understand that I wanted to help you! I went as far as to go back down a road I had hoped to put behind me just so I could make you understand that you were harming yourself AND ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS THE PRECIOUS MALFOY NAME AND REPUTATION!!! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SACRED, FATHER!!! DON'T YOU EVEN CARE THAT I NEARLY DIED TO HELP YOU???" Draco was shaking now and his silver eyes were beginning to fill with tears of rage. He inhaled shakily and scanned the room frantically.

"What are you looking for?" Lucius demanded.

"Where is it?" Draco demanded. "Where did you put the dagger?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Lucius replied obstinately. Draco narrowed his eyes in disbelief, still scanning the room before coming to rest on a glint of silver underneath a leather armchair. Without hesitation, he held out his hand, muttering "Accio!" and the dagger flew to him.

"So tell me…Lucius." Draco began. "Where do you like to cut yourself the most?" He received no answer. A small smirk curved at the corners of his mouth. "I'm guessing that you like to watch the blood run from your arms the most…like this!" Opening his bandage, he slashed the dagger across another old wound, allowing the blood to run free. 

"Draco!" Lucius gaped. Draco raised an eyebrow.

"No, huh?" He asked soothingly, unbuttoning his pyjama shirt. "Maybe you prefer to do THIS!" He made another slash, this time across his stomach. 

"Draco! Cease this manner at once!" Lucius demanded in shock. Draco ignored him and raised the dagger again, allowing bright scarlet blood to drip slowly onto the grey marble floor.

"Or THIS!" He made a long cut across his chest. "Or THIS!" He began to make a cut along his side, but to his surprise and triumph, Lucius yelled out and whacked the knife from his hand, sending it flying across the room to land in a dark corner.

"Stop it now!" He yelled, the tiniest shake coming into his voice.

"Why?" Draco asked obstinately, not caring about the thin blood-trails running down his arms and torso. Lucius pointed his wand at the wounds, muttering a quick-fix charm to close the wounds.

"I can't stand watching you mutilate yourself." Lucius said hoarsely, staring at the ground. "You have no idea how much it hurts me inside to see my only son mutilating his body!"

"Hurt you? HURT YOU?" Draco yelled. "What about me, Father? How do think it makes me feel that all I can do is stand by and watch you destroy yourself physically and emotionally? How do you think it makes Mother feel that she can't reach you through your depression? That she might lose her husband? How do you think it makes me feel to know that my Father might kill himself if I leave the room for even a minute?"

By now, tears were running freely down the younger Malfoy's face, a rare and painful experience for the both of them. "Please, Father! I'm down on my knees, shedding my dignity in order to help you! Please just tell me what causes you so much emotional pain that you feel you must resort to this?"

Lucius slowly lifted his gaze from the ground to stare at the tear-stained face of his adolescent son. Slowly, he breathed in, then out.

"If you are willing to sit down and listen to the ramblings of a depressed, middle-aged wizard, I'll tell all." He said, pouring them two glasses of scotch.

**__**

I see love and beauty all around,

**__**

I also see the sadness that's embedded in your frown   
I wonder why you choose not to talk to those around, 

**__**

I sense a fear of lifting heavy feet   
higher than you want to, I just want to believe your truth...   


  
You stand there but you do not cast a shadow, 

**__**

You walk away with every word you choose not to say   
I suppose that moving on paints a new colour for each day, I don't like to see   
dreams put on the shelf, to deal with on that one day 

**__**

I just want to be happy for you…

  
  
'Cause I only have one second, this moment today   
I can't press rewind and turn it back and call it now   
And so this moment, I just have to sing out loud   
And say I love I like and breathe in now   
And say I love I live and breathe in now   


  
I move on holding on to what I learn, it's time to move on from the notion   
that the whole world's against me.   
Break free of shackles that formed young, time free in now   
And now I know, it's not all up to me, I can count on another   
So move on lighter and be free.... 

  
  
'Cause I only have one second, this moment today   
I can't press rewind and turn it back and call it now   
And so this moment, I just have to sing out loud   
And say I love I like and breathe in now   
And say I love I live and breathe in now   


  
I believe in for today

I just want to know that you're okay   
Cause I believe in breathing just for today   
I just want to know that you're okay....   


  
Cause I only have one second, this moment today   
I can't press rewind and turn it back and call it now   
And so this moment, I just have to sing out loud   
And say I love I like and breathe in now   
And say I love I live and breathe in now   
And say I love I live and breathe in now

"Breathe in now" – George


	6. Peeling the onion

****

BEHIND LOCKED DOORS

WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.

**********************************************************

****

Chapter Six: Peeling the onion

"Do you know that right now, you are my only reason for living?" Lucius said, breaking the silence. A fine line appeared between Draco's eyebrows.

"Your only reason? What about Voldemort, what about Mother?" Lucius shrugged.

"Your Mother and I do not love each other, Draco. We never have, we never will, and I must admit, that even the friendship we decided to forge before we were married is wearing thin. We are together because of an agreement between our families, that is all." He paused for a moment. "When you are a Malfoy, Draco, it is extremely rare to be in a marriage that is not loveless. All marriages are chosen by the head of the family, which means that when you are of age, I shall have to choose you a wife, and I am loathe to break this to you, but she may be a distant relative. All of the pureblood families in society are related in one way or another through marriage or genetics. However, if I do not arrange a marriage for you, then that job shall be passed onto your beloved Grandfather, Othello Malfoy." Draco blanched slightly at this, then paused for a moment.

"But what about Voldemort, Father? Now that he has returned, are you not happy to be serving your Master once more?" Lucius looked at Draco and laughed humourlessly. 

"Happy? Well, I guess I should be happy, but I am not. Just a year beforehand, I would have gladly traded my soul thrice over for Voldemort to return. Now that he has returned, I realised that I no longer feel the same way. I have no desire to be the follower of an egotistical, melodramatic madman, regardless of how much I agree with his views. I'm older, sadder and wiser than I was fifteen years beforehand. I found my conscience not long after Voldemort's resurrection and I came to realise that, regardless of how I used to feel, becoming a Death Eater was one of the biggest mistakes of my life." The alcohol had obviously begun to loosen Lucius' tongue.

"Why was it such a mistake?" Draco asked, wanting Lucius to say more. Maybe if he pressed hard enough, he could uncover the information that would be the key to his Father's unhappiness. Lucius stared at his alcohol for a moment, then took a heavy swig of the strong-tasting liquid.

"I gave Voldemort my soul, my dignity and my undying loyalty. In return, he murdered the first and only person that I ever fell in love with." His voice was tinged with age-old bitterness. Draco's eyes widened momentarily in surprise at this sudden revelation but his face maintained its impassive surface.

"Voldemort murdered countless people, regardless of their bloodlines. Who was it that you loved?" Lucius turned slightly pink - an unusual thing for him - and muttered his answer into the glass he was holding. Draco raised an eyebrow in bemusement.

"My Father is blushing and mumbling like a teenage girl. What could be so embarrassing for him that he has to act like this?" Lucius glared at him icily.

"Do *not* make fun of your Father, Draco." There was a hint of malice in his voice that made Draco shrink back slightly before nodding.

"Sorry, Father, but who was the person? Could you please tell me?"

"A pureblood and Gryffindor by the name of James Harold Potter." Lucius answered coolly, staring straight at Draco. A smirk grew on his thin mouth. "Judging from the stunned-house-elf look on your face, Draco, I can honestly say that he was not one of your potential suspects."

"You were right." A brief pause "Are you-"

"A homosexual?" Lucius interrupted. "No, I can honestly say that I am not, Draco, otherwise you would not exist. I, like you, am a bisexual. Why did you think I was so apathetic towards your confession of your sexuality?" He didn't wait for an answer, but instead chose to continue talking. 

"I knew I was bisexual by the end of my third year, but I chose to keep quiet about it, lest my Father became aware and attempt to purify me with the Cruciatus. I developed feelings for James Potter sometime during my Fourth Year but with the exception of my close friend, Severus Snape, I told nobody. I must admit, Snape was not happy with my choice. James had always been very unpleasant towards him, but his friend, Lily Evans always stepped in before things got really carried away. However, there were times when not even Lily's words of warning were enough to make James cease his actions, and I would have to step in and defend my friend. This usually resulted in the both of us serving detention together."

"And time for you to spend with the boy you liked." Draco added, trying to lighten his Father's mood. It seemed to work for a moment. 

"Yes." Lucius nodded absentmindedly, a tiny smile on his face. "Time with James. Time to really see how much I could stir him up. I was still very insecure about my feelings for him, so I took it out on him by making jibes about his inability to have Lily and the fact that he hung around Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, who were rumoured to be a couple. Nobody really knew about Lupin but Black was known for being very openly bisexual." 

"So what happened with James?" Draco interrupted, wanting to know more.

"He finally cracked after our twenty-fifth detention in our Fifth year." Lucius' laughter was filled with mirth. "I was commenting on the unusual amount of time Black and Lupin spent together at certain times of the month and whether or not he liked to join them on their monthly rendezvous to make a threesome and he just snapped. He shot around like a bullet, slammed me against the wall and the next thing I remember was him calling me an arrogant, homophobic little brat before kissing me like I had never been kissed before." He paused again, seeming lost in memories that were so many years in the past. "I kissed him back, of course." He finally added, that faraway look still in his eyes. "I wanted that kiss, no, that entire moment, to last forever. It changed my life, that kiss."

"How can a kiss change your life?" Draco, though he did believe in the power of love, did have a sceptical side to him. Lucius' face wrinkled slightly in thought.

"It changed the way I saw things. Before James, my opinions, as well as my path for my life, were set in stone. I would graduate as a pureblood Slytherin, become a Death Eater and marry Narcissia Black in order to produce an heir for the Malfoy bloodline. I despised all those outside of my exclusive group of pureblood, Voldemort followers and love was a thing that I heard the girls giggle about in the common rooms."

"And after that kiss?"

"I slowly began to see things differently. But I fell completely and utterly in love the moment he kissed me, which taught me that there were people outside of my exclusive circle that would matter to me. "

"What happened between you both? I mean, after the kiss?"

"Well," Lucius spoke slowly, carefully. "It started out as a liaison. We met in the Astronomy Tower to fool around. I thought that he was only out for sex until about two months into it, he said 'I love you.'" Something seemed to light up in Lucius' eyes when he repeated those three small words. A happy memory resurfaced within him. "It was as if the Gods had blessed me. Ina very un-Malfoy manner, I confessed my love to him and what was a liaison became a proper, though very private, relationship. We went on secret dates, we made love under the stars during the twilight hours, had formal dinners for special occasions…"

"Well what happened if everything was so perfect?" Draco asked a tad impatiently, only to receive a scathing glare.

"I never said it was perfect." Lucius snapped irritably. "No relationships are. We were very much in love, that is true, but we both saw love through very different eyes. To James, love was sweet nothings, candy hearts, and holding hands at sunset. To me, love was that sensation of fire and ice spreading through your body. It was the most extreme pain with the most exquisite aphrodisiacs and pleasures all rolled into one. To be in love was to be two halves of a whole. For us to be separate nearly drove us insane, but when together we also nearly drove each other insane."

"But what happened to you both? If love is that strong, you couldn't just suddenly fall out of love again, could you?" Draco was quickly becoming desperate for more of Lucius' story. 

"We never fell out of love. I still love James to this very day, but I lost him through my own stupidity and the need to protect him from Voldemort. Instead of starting anew with James, I gave myself up to Voldemort, but it's not as if I would've had a choice either. If I had refused, Voldemort would have taken me by force. Plus, I was young and stupid back then. Regardless of how much I love James, I didn't love his views. Voldemort's words and ways were my life, and I chose to follow them avidly, even after hearing what James had to say on ranks in society and blood. I admit, I did give his opinions some thought, but they made no sense to me. Of course your rank in society mattered. Of course money and material goods mattered. Of course your bloodline purity mattered. How ironic that I would throw away all of these just for one more day with James. Voldemort was the biggest mistake of my life."

Quite suddenly, Lucius reached over and grabbed Draco by the shoulders.

"Draco, listen to me and listen well." His voice carried more than a note of urgency. "You only have a few years left before Voldemort calls upon you to join his ranks. Please, *please,* do not follow Voldemort as loyally as I have done. It will ruin everything in your life. I truly enjoyed my time as a Death Eater, but now I cannot think of anything - apart from living in a society of pure Mudblood wizards and witches - that I loathe more. Voldemort's ways are not for you and I will do everything in my power to ensure that he will *not* ensnare you in his web of darkness and despair. Just please, *please* promise me that you will not be a loyal follower of Voldemort."

Draco stared directly, unblinkingly at his Father, trying to take in everything he had said. 

"I swear, Father, that I will not be a loyal follower." He answered finally, staring into his eyes. He meant every word. Lucius sagged with relief.

"Thank Merlin." He rasped. "Thank Merlin my son has more sense than I did when I was his age." He poured them both more alcohol, barely noticing that Draco's glass was still half-full. He gave his son a weary smile. "You have no idea how much better I feel to be able to finally open up to somebody. I 've been keeping everything locked inside for so long." Draco smiled back, putting a hand on his Father's shoulder. 

"I'm always here if you need me, Father."

**__**
    
    Sometimes in our lives
    We all have pain
    We all have sorrow
    But if we are wise
    We know that there's always tomorrow
    Lean on me
    When you're not strong
    I'll be your friend
    I'll help you carry on
    For it won't be long
    'Till I'm gonna need
    Somebody to lean on
    Please
    Swallow your pride
    If I have things
    You need to borrow
    For no one can fill
    Those of your needs
    That you wont let show
    Just call on me brother
    When you need a hand
    We all need somebody to lean on
    I just might have a problem that you'll understand
    We all need somebody to lean on
    Lean on me
    When you're not strong
    I'll be your friend
    I'll help you carry on
    For it won't be long
    'Till I'm gonna need somebody to lean on
    You just call on me brother
    When you need a hand
    We all need somebody to lean on
    I just might have a problem that you'll understand
    We all need somebody to lean on
    If there is a load
    You have to bear
    That you can't carry
    I'm right up the road
    I'll share your load
    If you just call me
    Won't you just call me?
    If you need a friend
    Call me
    Call me uh-uh
    Call me
    If you need a friend
    Call me
    If you ever need a friend
    Call me
    Call me
    Call me
    Call me
    Call me
    If you ever need a friend
    Call me
    Call me
    Call me
    Call me
    You know what you got to do yeah!
    Call me
    "Lean on Me" - Bill Withers


	7. Tears, old memories, and a fond farewell

****

BEHIND LOCKED DOORS

WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.

**********************************************************

Chapter Six: Tears, old memories, and a fond farewell 

THE SUMMER AFTER DRACO'S FIFTH YEAR

"My last night tonight." Draco stated matter-of-factly as he sauntered into his Father's study. Lucius glanced up from his roll of parchment, grunted, and continued writing. 

"Tomorrow morning I go back to Hogwarts to commence my Sixth year. You won't see your only son again until mid-December, or maybe not until next June." No response, just the scratching of Lucius' quill against the rough parchment. Draco rolled his eyes and decided to try a different approach.

"So I made the most of tonight by using up your best FireWhiskey in a sculling competition with Mother and the House-Elves."

"WHAT?" Lucius' whipped around instantaneously, only to be faced with a snickering Draco.

"Well, I had to get your attention *somehow!*" Draco said in-between snorts of laughter. A wry smile curved on Lucius' lips.

"Ever blessed with the Malfoy wit I see, Draco." He noted, not raising his voice. "So what if it's your last night tonight?"

"You won't miss me?" Draco pouted in mock-indignation. 

"Not at all." Lucius replied, trying to keep his face neutral.

"Not even a little?" Draco pouted even more, sticking out his plump lower lip, and biting the inside of his mouth was all Lucius could do to prevent a snort of laughter at his son's unusual display of immaturity.

"Well…" He paused for a moment, twisting a lock of his long, silvery-blonde hair. "Well, maybe…just a little…" Draco raised an eyebrow, still pouting and Lucius threw up his hands in defeat.

"Alright, alright! I admit that I *am* going to miss your company, Draco, as well as having somebody that I trust enough to confide in." Draco smirked in triumph.

"But of course you will miss me! I'm just so loveable and sickeningly adorable!" Lucius couldn't help laughing. The laughter, which for once was free of any maliciousness, sounded unusual coming from the Death-Eater's throat.

"My son? Sickeningly adorable? Maybe when Hell freezes over and Voldemort announces to the world that Dumbledore is his lover, but not a moment before." Lucius rolled up his piece of parchment and opened his desk cabinet to pull out a bottle of alcoholic Butterbeer and two goblets. 

"Well, seeing as I won't be seeing you until December, would you care for a drink?" Without waiting for an answer, he filled the glasses and handed one to his son. Draco ignored the glasses. Instead, his gaze seemed to be fixated on something else.

"What is it?" Lucius snapped impatiently. Draco really had a way of making him feel uneasy without even blinking.

"Your arms." 

"What about them?" Draco gave him a small smile.

"You don't have any new scars, and your old ones have faded so mucg\h. Have you stopped mutilating yourself for good?" Lucius shrugged, trying to remain apathetic.

"I haven't done it ever since we started talking over a year. I will admit, I have felt the urge to, but it has weakened considerably since then." Draco's smile widened.

"I'm glad to hear of it, Father." He replied, raising his glass towards the elder Malfoy before drinking from it. A surprisingly comfortable silence ensued as they sat face-to-face, sipping from their goblets.

"Can I ask you something, Father?" Draco's deep, smooth voice broke the easy silence between them. Lucius shrugged.

"I suppose. What is it?"

"Well, I"ve really been meaning to ask you this for a long time. Do you *really* regret becoming a Death Eater, or were you just having me on?" Lucius' just stared at his son, his mouth slightly agape in surprise at such a blunt question. Now it was Draco who began to feel uneasy in the silence that followed. Lucius' penetrating gaze was fixed rigidly on his only son in a way that made him squirm uncomfortably in his chair.

"You don't *have* to answer if…I mean, it was just a question that's been running through my head and I thought…" Draco's voice trailed off and once more, there was silence.

"You're right, Draco. It *is* just a question, and curiosity is merely part of our human nature." Lucius spoke in a calm, unaffected manner, eyes still locked on his son. "Therefore" He continued. "I see no harm in satisfying your curiosity."

Lucius stared at his goblet before drinking deeply from it. His eyes returned to Draco's face as he began his story.

"As I have told you many times before, the Malfoy name is not only highly influential, it has also been involved with darkness for many generations, so it comes as no surprise that our name is actually Latin for 'Bad Faith.' We have always followed the darkness because it coincides with the beliefs our ancestors have drummed into the family, most of which, in my opinion, are perfectly understandable. When you join the darkness, you sell the Dark Lord, whoever he may be at the time, your soul in return for increased magical abilities, physical and mental power, social status, and, of course, money. Your soul does not provide any of these things, which is why I had no problems in selling it." He paused to take a breath.

"Of course, that's not to say my opinions were rigid. I was already a nominated Death-Eater once I became involved with James Potter, and, for the first time in my life, I began to actually think about whether life could hold something else for me. But I had the sense not to ask questions in my family. If Othello found out that I was actually learning to think for myself, it would've cost me dearly, and I have no doubt that grievous harm would have come to James if Othello was to become aware of my relationship with him."

"How old *were* you when you became a Death Eater?" 

"Not old enough." Lucius answered, giving his son a humourless smile. "To be precise, I was sixteen, and most Death Eaters are usually at least eighteen on their initiations. I wasn't exactly forced into my initiation though…I guess you could say that the sides of light and darkness both were out to seduce my mind, and it was the darkness that was successful. At the time, it seemed that selling my soul for material luxuries rather than saving it was the more appealing option. And all my expectations were met…for awhile at least."

"Then what?" Sadness was evident in Lucius' silvery eyes as he answered.

"Voldemort attacked the Potters. That *rat* of a slave, Peter Pettigrew, was supposed to be their keeper. He ratted them out to Voldemort, who, might I add, took great pleasure in eliminating James and Lily until it all backfired. Then…everything I ever cared for or believed in died in a flash of green light. My Lord, my love of the Dark Side, my faith in Voldemort, and…the only person I had ever truly loved romantically." Lucius' could feel the tears that he had kept hidden for so many years pricking at the back of his skull, and he blinked them away fiercely before fixing his stare on his son.

"I remember attending the Potter's funeral, but I was still numb from the shock. I was there before anybody else, so I could pay my respects in privacy, of course…but… it wasn't until I finally saw James' body with my own eyes that it finally sank in. I would never be able to see, talk, or hold him in my arms ever again. And for the first and most likely, the last time in my life… I cried, Draco. I fell to my knees and I cried a river of tears on James Potter's unmoving chest. Then, for what would also be the last time in my life, I kissed him before laying a rose in his coffin and I left the church." Lucius paused again to take another breath and continue his story.

"Everything seemed to lose it's meaning after that. I felt so alone and unhappy, like there was nothing left to live for…so I began to cut myself. I guess you could say I was trying to punish myself for James' death. Then…you were born Draco. I remember the day your mother went into labour, her screams of pain…She was only eighteen, you know, eight years my junior, and had never experienced pain like that. I was also forbidden to be in the room after two hours because she was threatening to castrate me with a spoon if I ever put her through *that* again." The two Malfoy's shared a brief smirk.

"Then…it was over. There was silence until your mother called out to me, her voice hoarse from the five hours of screaming she had just endured. So I entered the room, and she was just lying there. The nurse had cleaned her up a bit, I remember. Her hair was in two plaits, making her look even younger than she already was, and she was wearing clean pyjamas. She was holding this tiny bundle of blue blankets in her arms, and was just staring at it in captivation.

After a moment, she looked up at me with this tiny smile on her face and held out the bundle to me. 'Lucius. Say hello to our child.' She said. I took you in my arms, and I remember how fixedly you stared at me. Then…all these emotions that I had kept buried deep inside me for the last three months just rushed back into me. All the pain, the hate, the loneliness. But most of all, the love. I held you close like I was trying to make your ten-minute old body feel everything I was feeling that moment, and I could feel myself hyperventilating from the emotional overload. I loved you so much at that moment that it hurt. I loved you not only because you were a part of me, but also because you made me realise how low I had been sinking ever since James' death. I felt like I had a reason to live because you were born, Draco. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I took the wrong path in life, regardless of how much I loved it at the time. I'm sorry I've been so neglectful towards you. I'm sorry I didn't make the effort to bond with you as you grew up…" 

The pain in Lucius' eyes and voice was now more obvious than he had ever allowed it to be in the presence of others.

"And I'm sorry I took my cutting too far. I'm sorry that, because of it, I nearly lost the person who gave me a reason to keep living. I know I don't show it…but…I love you more than anything, Draco…and…well, I don't know what I would've done without you."

Draco just stared at his Father, feelings of shock and pain coursing through him. Then, quite suddenly, it all became too much, and for one of the very rare occasions in his life, Draco reached out to his Father. Lucius, though shocked at the sudden gesture of affection, took the younger Malfoy into his arms with no hesitation as he burst into tears that soaked the shoulder of his Father's black robes. Lucius didn't cry, but his breathing was in huge, shuddering gasps as he held Draco close, one hand running through his long, pale blonde hair in a rare display of affection.

"I love you so much, Father!" Draco managed to say in-between sobs. "I know you aren't the perfect Father, but I still love you unconditionally. Please, don't ever leave me…don't ever hurt yourself again! I know you say that I'm your reason to live, and it's requited! If you weren't in my life, I don't think I would be able to cope! I know I don't say it or even show it much at all, but I really do love you!"

"Hush…I know, my dragon. I know." Lucius whispered. Finally, the crying subsided, and Draco gently pulled away from his Father's arms. Lucius sighed emotionlessly, pushing silvery-blonde hair away from his face.

"I think that this moment calls for a good, stiff drink." Lucius commented with a weary smile on his face. Draco smiled back in a similar manner and nodded, wiping his tear-streaked face on the sleeve of his blue robes. Lucius unlocked the cabinet underneath his desk and pulled out a dark glass bottle.

"Single-malt scotch, I think." Lucius said, pouring two full glasses, and handing one to his son. He sipped it thoughtfully. 

"What was Azkaban like?" Draco asked, downing his drink. Lucius, already naturally pale, turned ash-grey at the memory. He had barely spent a month in the infamous Wizard Prison, but had been extremely lucky to leave with his sanity and his criminal record wiped clean. Years of forging the right connections in society had paid off.

"More horrible than you could ever imagine." He answered softly. "The place has a forgotten curse on the cells that invades the minds of the prisoners. You can feel your happiness and all your happy memories being sucked out of you with every passing day. You can hear the screams of the insane prisoners through the door of your cell. It's cold, dark, and the food is terrible. All you can do is sit there all day and stare at the wall as your mind slowly rots away."

"Shit." Was all Draco could think of saying. Lucius raised an eyebrow.

"Normally, I'd tell you to watch your language, but I'd have to say that would just about sum it all up correctly. Also, I think I should mention that Azkaban is another reason I don't want you taking the path I chose in life. I barely left with my sanity after a month and I really don't need an example of what it would do to you."

Lucius poured himself another glass of Scotch and the rest of the night began to pass in a blur…

************************

The next afternoon, Draco entered Kings Cross Station with his Father for the first time since his second year at Hogwarts. It was only early in the afternoon, so the Platform was still fairly isolated. Most people wouldn't be arriving for at least an hour, but Draco had always preferred to arrive early because it meant he could have some time to himself before those two walking rocks named Crabbe and Goyle arrived and he was lumped with them for the rest of the semester.

"I won't lie, Draco. I really am going to miss your company while you're at Hogwarts." Lucius said just low enough for Draco to hear. Draco allowed a tiny smile to creep across his face, but didn't reply.

Finally, they reached the barrier that would take them into Platform 9 ¾. There were more people there than they had anticipated, but that didn't matter.

"Well, I'm sure you can find your way around, Draco, and I do have things to do." Lucius said as they sat down on one of the platform benches. "So I'd best be going now." He stood up to leave.

"Wait a second, Father!" Draco sounded kind of urgent, so Lucius swivelled around to look at his son, who quickly rose from his seat and pulled his Father into a hug. Lucius noticed with some interest that their height difference was quite small. Draco was only a half-head shorter than he.

"I'm going to miss you too, Father." Draco whispered in his ear. "I'll promise to owl you every week if you promise to as well." Lucius returned the hug while making sure that nobody was watching. Nobody was, they were all too interested in socialising.

"I promise to, Draco. Take care." He answered before letting go of his son and walking out of Platform 9 ¾. It would now be the start of Draco's sixth year at Hogwarts.

**__**

It's not time to make a change  
Just relax, take it easy  
You're still young, that's your fault  
There's so much you have to know  
Find a girl, settle down  
If you want you can marry  
Look at me, I am old but I'm happy 

I was once like you are now  
And I know that it's not easy  
To be calm when you've found something going on  
But take your time, think a lot  
Think of everything you've got  
For you will still be here tomorrow  
But your dreams may not 

How can I try to explain  
When I do he turns away again  
And it's always been the same, same old story  
From the moment I could talk  
I was ordered to listen  
Now there's a way and I know  
That I have to go away  
I know I have to go 

It's not time to make a change  
Just sit down and take it slowly  
You're still young that's your fault  
There's so much you have to go through  
Find a girl, settle down  
If you want you can marry  
Look at me, I am old but I'm happy 

All the times that I've cried  
Keeping all the things I know inside  
And it's hard, but it's harder to ignore It  
If they were right I'd agree  
But it's them they know not me  
Now there's a way and I know  
That I have to go away  
I know I have to go

"Father and Son" – Cat Stevens


	8. Sugarcoated lies

BEHIND LOCKED DOORS WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter. 

**NOTE:**** Sorry that this chapter is so short but the next one will be longer, I promise!!! And I'm afraid there will not be too many graphic sex scenes…I'm only going to put them in when it is necessary for the storyline…besides I don't like Blaise/Draco!**

**Chapter Seven: Sugar-coated lies**

Draco furrowed his eyebrows and absent-mindedly scratched his quill against a piece of parchment while staring into the blazing fireplace. 

**_Father,_**

****

**_I apologise for the lateness of my reply but my heavy load of assignments has left me with very little, if any free time. I hope you are doing well and your insomnia has decreased. Please send my love to Mother._**

****

**_As in answer to your questions, Blaise and I are well. It was two months on Sunday and still going. Yes, Father, I am more than aware of what Othello will do to me if he becomes aware of this relationship, but I did not choose to be this way, and my chances of producing an heir are still quite high as, like you, I am still attracted to women. But at the moment, my feelings are for Blaise, and I have no intentions of ending this relationship just for the sake of Othello. Anyway, our relationship is currently being kept a secret for both logical (Othello) and personal (Blaise is unsure about coming out to our friends), so it's not like anyone is gossiping about it enough to reach outside of Hogwarts, let alone outside of Slytherin._**

****

**_Also, onto another topic. I do hope that you are genuinely well; Father, and I know that you are aware of what I mean. Please: If you feel like you need to cut again, come to me. I'm only a pinch of Floo Powder away if you need me, and don't go making excuses such as the time or bothering me. I'll be there for you any time of the day; regardless of whatever I am up to at the time. You know as well as I that blood will always be thicker than water…_**

His thoughts were interrupted when a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind and a soft, warm mouth was pressed against the back of his neck. It was the typical greeting of his current boyfriend, Blaise Zabini. 

They had now been together for just over two months, not long after their return to Hogwarts. Much to Draco's surprise, Blaise had approached him only a few days into the semester and rather shyly (which had seemed a bit odd for him), asked Draco if he would like to go out with him sometime.

"Hello, Blaise." He said evenly, reaching behind him to run his fingers through Blaise's thick, black hair. "I'll be finished in a minute." His only response was another kiss, this time, on his ear. Draco smiled to himself. He would never admit this to anyone else, but he really enjoyed Blaise's affectionate personality.

"Come to bed with me?" Blaise asked in a teasing manner, kissing him again. Draco rolled his eyes, but his smile remained.

"Nymphomaniac." He muttered, discarding his quill and parchment on the floor, but not before casting a charm on the parchment so that only Lucius and himself could read it. He stood up and turned around, catching Blaise's mouth in a hot, hungry kiss, his hands unbuttoning the other boy's white uniform shirt and sliding over the warm, dry flesh. Blaise moaned into his mouth, running his fingers through Draco's thick, silvery-blonde hair.

"Couch." Draco muttered between the fervent kisses. He was, to say the least, surprised when Blaise grunted in disagreement. "What?"

"Tonight, I'm in charge." Blaise's voice was little more than a throaty growl as he began to push Draco onto the thick, green rug that one of the older Slytherins had recently donated to the Slytherin study. Draco, though slightly puzzled as to his sudden change in attitude, obliged. Their kisses became hotter and hungrier as layer by layer, clothing was peeled off and discarded carelessly on the floor next to them.

Blaise's short nails dug into Draco's shoulders, leaving small, red welts as they almost melded into each other. Blaise began to slide downwards, like he normally did, but was stopped by Draco.

"I want to try this." He insisted gently but firmly, shifting them so Blaise was now on the bottom. Their minds both exploded into the mindless euphoria that was hormones and sex as Draco's hot, wet mouth enclosed around Blaise…

After it was over, Draco curled up against Blaise, his head resting in the crook of Blaise's shoulder. Blaise kissed his forehead affectionately, wrapping an arm against him. It had been different, having Blaise as the dominant partner for once, but both had enjoyed the event.

"Love you." Blaise whispered, kissing him again. A small smile curved on Draco's lips as he uttered the words that were extremely rare to hear from a Malfoy.

"Love you too." He kissed Blaise back, on the mouth. Blaise responded happily, and the kiss was only broken for the need of air.

"Methinks we should be dressing and retiring to our dorms." Blaise murmured, sleepiness in his voice as he gently shrugged Draco's head off of his shoulder. Draco yawned in reply, but began following suit.

Before long, both were in their dorm. Draco was, for once, peacefully asleep. Blaise was lying in bed, waiting and watching. Once all was silent, he slipped silently out of the dorm, his bare feet never making a sound on the thick carpet of the dorm floor…

…On the couch of the Slytherin study sat a petite girl with long, dark hair. She was sitting with her back to Blaise, seeming almost fixated on the never-dying fire in the fireplace.

"You're late." She said monotonously as he entered. She didn't turn around. 

"I'm sorry, Princess. You know I am." Blaise said softly, walking towards the couch. She still didn't turn around, so he sat down next to her, studying her features. She was pale, like Draco, but her hair and eyes were almost as dark as his. Her mouth was set in a thin, hard line; a sign that she was in a bad mood.

"Are you ashamed of me?" She demanded, still not looking at him. "Tell the truth, Blaise." 

"Of course not!" He exclaimed, clasping her small hand in his. "I love you, Pansy. What on earth would make you think that?"

"Because you ignore me in public." She snapped, fire glinting in her dark eyes. "You only ever want to be with me where no-one else can see. I'm sick of this, Blaise! If you really loved me you'd let everyone know about it."

"But that's because I don't want to share you with anyone!" Blaise protested, squeezing her hand. "What we have is special, Pansy, and I don't want it being ruined by anyone who thinks otherwise."

"Prove it." She snapped.

"What?" Finally, she turned to face him. Her eyes were cold and angry.

"I'm saying, Blaise," and she spat out his name like a harsh poison "that I want you to *prove* you really do love me as much as you claim to."

Blaise nodded, sliding one hand up her thigh. She slapped it off irritably.

"That's not going to work this time." She said, though a touch less irritably. Silence filled the air.

"Are you cheating on me, Blaise?" She asked suddenly, crossing her arms. Blaise looked at her, shock written all over his face.

"No, no! Of course I'm not…I would *never* cheat on you, Pansy. I love you." He said firmly, placing his hand on her thigh again. She frowned at him, but this time, didn't brush it off.

"Let me prove how much I love you." Blaise whispered tenderly, planting an innocent kiss on her mouth. Like magic, the ice in her dark eyes seemed to soften a little. "You're the only one for me, Pansy. I promise to prove it to you. I'm going to prove how much I love you, Pansy, by bringing us out of the closet at the end of this week."

"Do you mean it?" Pansy whispered harshly in his ear. She gasped as he plunged two fingers deep inside her.  "Do you really mean what you just said, Blaise?"

"Of course I do, Princess." He whispered back, pushing her back down onto the couch and removing her underwear. She moaned softly as his tongue began to touch her in places that set her body on fire…

"You better not be lying to me, Blaise." She murmured in-between gasps. 

"I love you, I love you, Princess." Blaise lied sweetly as he continued to make her moan and bring her closer towards the edge…

****
    
    **_If I could turn the page_**
    
    **_In time, then I'd rearrange just a day or two_**
    
    **_Close my,_**
    
    **_Close my,_**
    
    **_Close my eyes_**
    
    ****
    
    **_But I couldn't find a way_**
    
    **_So I'll settle for one day to believe in you_**
    
    **_Tell me,_**
    
    **_Tell me,_**
    
    **_Tell me lies_**
    
    ****
    
    **_Tell me lies _**
    
    **_Tell me sweet little lies_**
    
    **_(Tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies)_**
    
    **_Oh no, no you can't disguise_**
    
    **_Tell me lies_**
    
    **_Tell me sweet little lies_**
    
    ****
    
    **_Although I'm not making plans_**
    
    **_I hope that you understand there's a reason why_**
    
    **_Close your,_**
    
    **_Close your,_**
    
    **_Close your eyes_**
    
    ****
    
    **_No more broken hearts_**
    
    **_We're better off apart_**
    
    **_Let's give it a try_**
    
    **_Tell me,_**
    
    **_Tell me,_**
    
    **_Tell me lies_**
    
    ****
    
    **_Tell me lies_**
    
    **_Tell me sweet little lies_**
    
    **_(Tell me, tell me, tell me lies)_**
    
    **_Oh no, no you can't disguise_**
    
    **_(You can't disguise, no you can't disguise)_**
    
    **_Tell me lies_**
    
    **_Tell me sweet little lies_**
    
    ****
    
    **_If I could trun the page_**
    
    **_In time then I'd rearrange just a day or two_**
    
    **_Close my,_**
    
    **_Close my,_**
    
    **_Close my eyes_**
    
    ****
    
    **_But I couldn't find a way_**
    
    **_So I'll settle for one day to believe in you_**
    
    **_Tell me,_**
    
    **_Tell me,_**
    
    **_Tell me lies_**
    
    ****
    
    **_Tell me lies_**
    
    **_Tell me sweet little lies_**
    
    **_(Tell me, tell me, tell me lies)_**
    
    **_Oh no, no you can't disguise_**
    
    **_(You can't disguise, no you can't disguise)_**
    
    ****
    
    **_Tell me lies_**
    
    **_Tell me sweet little lies_**
    
    **_(Tell me, tell me, tell me lies)_**
    
    **_Oh no, no you can't disguise_**
    
    **_(You can't disguise, no you can't disguise)_**
    
    **_Tell me lies_**
    
    **_Tell me sweet little lies_**
    
    **_(Tell me, tell me, tell me lies)_******
    
    **"Little Lies" – Fleetwood Mac**


	9. Knife through the heart

BEHIND LOCKED DOORS

WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.

**********************************************************************************

**Chapter Eight: Knife through the heart******

Draco snuck a quick glance over his shoulder to make sure there was nobody following. 

"Ok, it's clear." He hissed to his companion, Lucas Nott. 

They grinned secretly and dashed around the corner of the gigantic building that was the shed full of Hagrid's gardening tools. It was close to the school, but Hagrid was nowhere near it right now. He was inside Hogwarts for once, giving a theory lesson for Care of Magical Creatures. Draco knew this because it happened to be the class he had dropped at the end of his fourth year.

 People such as Pansy, Blaise, Crabbe and Goyle had decided to continue with the class while Draco and Lucas, who had dropped Ancient Runes, had what the teachers called 'study periods' but the students referred to as 'bludge hours.'

Lucas pulled a packet of cigarettes out of his robe pocket and gave one to Draco. Normally, being purebloods, he and Draco would have sneered at such a common Muggle product, but after hearing about them from Flint back in the third year, they had become self-confessed addicts, turning their 'bludge hours' into regular cigarette breaks.  They lit them and inhaled deeply, loving the feeling of the lightly flavoured smoke curling in their lungs before being sharply exhaled.

It wasn't just the smoking that was fun. There was also the thrill of being caught and the possible consequences. Draco had yet to be caught, but Lucas had been there before and knew how it all worked… 

McGonagall, Hagrid, Sprout, Filch and Dumbledore were all good for a ten-point deduction (except Filch, who wasn't authorised to deduct points) and a detention. Snape would let you off if you were in Slytherin or with a Slytherin. There was no chance of being caught by Vector or Trelawney, who did all their classes in the high rooms of the school. Sinistra and, surprisingly, Hooch, were happy to look the other way if you allowed them to pinch a cigarette off you…

"HA! Now what do we have here?" A slimy voice interrupted the boys, causing Draco to drop his cigarette and Lucas to choke on the drag he had just taken. Filch grinned wickedly at the two pale-faced boys.

"Detention at Five-thirty sharp. Meet me at the top of the third-floor staircase, and do *not* bring your wands!!! Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal." Draco replied smoothly, disguising the anger boiling up inside him. He knew from word of mouth what a detention with Argus Filch held.

*******************  
  


"You're late." Filch sneered, throwing a dustpan, broom and feather duster at Draco and a bucket of cleaning rags and a bottle of Wizard Wheeze's All-purpose Cleaning Fluid at Lucas. They scowled. It was only Five-thirty-two.

"What are we going to be doing?" Lucas grumbled, bunching the rags in his fist. Filch sneered again. 

"You two are going to be cleaning out the abandoned Arithmancy classroom. Without magic, of course." Draco's eyes widened in horror while Lucas just scowled even more. "Well don't just stand here! Get to it already!!!" Filch snapped, shoving them towards the intended classroom. "And Mrs. Norris will be checking to make sure you don't use any magic, so don't get smart."

And with that, he marched out of the filthy room, slamming the door shut. For a moment, the two boys just stood there, taking in the mess.

"Well…I guess we should just get this over with." Lucas sighed, beginning to dust off the desks. Draco, for once, didn't argue, realising that Lucas had a good point. Silently, but with a scowl, he began to sweep all the dust and junk on the floor into one big pile. Fortunately, the dustpan he had been given was an enchanted one that gobbled up the pile of junk and saved him a lot of time.

*******************

"Well, I guess we're almost done." Lucas sighed more than two hours later, setting down his cleaning materials. "All we have left to do is to clean the windows and glass and mop the floor, then we can leave." 

"Thank the Gods!!!" Draco sighed in relief. "But you're mopping." He added quickly, smirking. "A Malfoy is only required to do the lightest, easiest work…if they must work at all!!!" Lucas rolled his eyes, but he couldn't help snickering.

"Fine. I'll mop, you clean the glass. I'll just go and get a mop from the broom-closet." He said, sprinting out of the classroom. The broom-closet was six doors down from the classroom.

As he was wheeling the mop and it's bucket back towards the classroom, Lucas thought he heard a squeal. It sounded strangely loud on this empty, abandoned floor. He shrugged it off at first, then a muffled giggle filled his ears and he knew he hadn't imagined it. It was a girl's giggle, coming from the fourth classroom up. But he had only heard it because the door was slightly ajar. When the doors were closed, all the classrooms became virtually soundproof.

Of course, being in Slytherin, Lucas decided to see why these noises were being made and who was making them, so, quietly, almost ninja-like, he skulked closer towards the slightly ajar door, and what he saw set his blood on fire.

Pansy Parkinson was sitting on the edge of an old Professor's desk, her skirt hiked up around her hips to reveal slim, white legs. Those slim legs were hooked over the shoulders of none other than Blaise Zabini, who's head seemed to be very busy between her legs, hence the squeals and giggles coming from the room.

"Damn!" Lucas muttered to himself, very quietly of course. "Damn this is hot!!!" Then a grin broke out on his face. "I better go get Draco! This is *way* better than those Lesbian Witch Magazines…" He had no idea what this scene would do to Draco, of course.

*********************

"Draco! Draco!!! Hello, Draco Malfoy???" Lucas rapped on the wall of the classroom impatiently. 

"What? Hurry up, Lucas…I'm almost done!!!" Draco grumbled. Lucas shrugged, grinning.

"Forget cleaning up! Come with me…you won't believe what I've just seen!!!" Draco narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

"What? Filch and Mrs. Norris are partaking in conjugal relations to profess their love?" 

"No of cours- Draco! That is just sickening!!!" Lucas exclaimed, his face turning one of the Slytherin House colours. "Come on, just follow me and you'll see what I'm talking about!!!"

Rolling his eyes in frustration, Draco decided to humour Lucas. After all, he had finished his cleaning and was only waiting for Lucas to mop the floor so they could leave. He motioned for Lucas to lead the way, and Lucas in turn motioned for Draco to be quiet as he slinked out of the room and up the corridor to the fourth room.

"Peek through here." Lucas whispered, motioning towards the door. Draco obliged, and could barely keep himself from screaming out loud at what he saw.

Blaise, *his* Blaise, who swore on his Mother's grave that Draco was the only one he loved, on a desk with none other than Draco's ex-girlfriend, Pansy Parkinson. He was still between her legs, but not in quite the same way.

 In fact, Blaise was now sitting on the table with Pansy, his robe discarded carelessly on the floor along with his school slacks and boxers. Pansy was now straddling his lap, her skirt hiked up around her hips as she rode him hard and fast, trying (and mostly) successfully not to make too much noise. Her white blouse was unbuttoned, revealing that hadn't worn a bra. Blaise wasn't making much noise either, but then again, his mouth was busy sucking on Pansy's small, firm breasts, so it wasn't as if he was getting the chance to make much noise.

"Hot, isn't it?" Lucas whispered excitedly, oblivious to the look of horror and poorly suppressed rage on Draco's pale face. Draco clenched his teeth and dug his nails into the palms of his hand, trying to force down the rage that was threatening to overtake him.

//I will *not* make a scene! *I* *am* *a* *Malfoy,* and Malfoys do not make scenes!!!//

"Damn. I would give *anything* to be in Zabini's place!" Lucas muttered almost inaudibly. "Look at Parkinson go. I mean, we all know she's a slut but *damn* from what I've heard she's the best fuck you'll ever get in Slytherin!!!"

Draco ground his teeth together and didn't answer. Blaise was going to pay for this; there was no doubt in his mind about that.

"Lets get back to work, Lucas. Then you can come back and watch them finish off if you're so desperate." He hissed, shoving Lucas in the direction of the Arithmancy classroom…

********************

After mopping the classroom, Draco and Lucas reported to Filch, who was absorbed in what looked like a Squib's guidebook. Muttering under his breath, he motioned for them to go away, not even looking up from his book.

"Dammit, Draco! I can't believe you didn't want to stay and watch Parkinson fuck Zabini. I mean, that was a once-in-a-lifetime thing to see." Lucas complained as they made their way back to the Slytherin Common Room. Draco snorted in irritation.

"Once-in-a-lifetime? Gods, Lucas! In case you forgot, Parkinson is a *slut.* You'll have plenty of opportunities to see that again. In fact, you have a good chance to get her yourself. All you have to do is ask her and she'll spread her legs for you, no questions."

And with a scowl on his face, Draco stormed ahead of Lucas, through the Common Room and straight to his dorm, ignoring the questioning looks directed towards him. 

Once in his dorm, Draco collapsed facedown on his bed, unmoving. He felt as if that moment of seeing Pansy and Blaise together had sucked out his ability to feel. He couldn't feel hurt, couldn't feel angry right now. All he could feel for the moment was a terrible, spreading numbness as he lay there for what seemed like ages until a voice broke the silence.

"Draco?" 

Almost instantly, the numbness dissipated and was replaced with an ever-growing sphere of white-hot rage that was burning within him. Slowly, Draco lifted his head from the pillows to look at a smiling Blaise. He gritted his teeth.

//Don't you even have the *fucking* decency to look guilty?//

"Yes, Blaise?" He said evenly, disguising his rage for the moment. Blaise reached out and cheerfully ruffled Draco's hair.

"You alright, babe?" He asked sweetly. "Detention with Filch isn't exactly fun, or so I've been told." Draco shrugged, forcing a smirk onto his lips.

"I made Nott do most of the hard work. After all, I am a Malfoy, and Malfoy's don't do hard work!" Blaise chuckled and pulled Draco into a playful hug.

"Maybe I can cheer you up a little." Blaise whispered seductively, tilting Draco's head upwards and leaning in to kiss him. Draco pretended to respond at first until Blaise's tongue slipped into his mouth. He then took that as an opportunity to bite down. Hard.

Blaise yelped in shock and pain before pulling away from Draco.

"What the *fuck* was that for?" He hissed angrily. Draco made no answer, but his eyes narrowed dangerously as he bought up his left fist and slammed it into Blaise's solar plexus. Blaise gasped in pain and doubled over.

"Merlin, Draco! What's gotten into you?" He demanded hoarsely, clutching his torso.

"You bastard." Draco hissed savagely, standing over his now ex-boyfriend. "You lying bastard! I hate you so much!"

"What the? What're you on about?" Blaise demanded, beginning to stand up straight again. Draco glared at him, the rage and hatred burning in his silver eyes.

"Cut the innocent act, Blaise! You know exactly what I'm talking about! I saw you, Lucas saw you!" 

Blaise hesitated for a moment, the realised exactly what Draco was talking about. The guilt surfaced in his brown eyes but he still tried to play the innocent one, thinking he could fool Draco.

"What're you on about, Draco?"

"Lucas and I *both* watched you fuck that *slut,* Pansy Parkinson, in an empty classroom!!!"

"How could you've seen us, the door-" Blaise paused, and his eyes widened in horror, realising he had just, rather stupidly, revealed the truth to Draco.

"You didn't completely shut the door. Lucas heard you both going at it and took a peek. Seeing as he doesn't know we're together, he thought I would enjoy the sight of my slutty ex-girlfriend *fucking* my *equally slutty* ex-boyfriend!!!" Draco snarled in reply.

"Ex-boyfriend?"

"Yes, Blaise, you heard me. Ex-boyfriend. Do you honestly think I want anything to do with you after this?" Blaise's eyes, if possible, seemed to widen even more. 

"But…but, Draco-"

"What? Oh, I'm sorry, Draco please forgive me? But, Draco, Pansy meant nothing to me? Please, Draco, I love you?" Draco said all of this in a sarcastic whine, his glare fixed on Blaise. Then, for a moment, it seemed to soften, but not out of forgiveness. The burning anger was replaced with something worse. Pain.

"Do you have any idea just how much you've hurt me Blaise?" Draco whispered, tears beginning to form in his eyes. "I *never* open up to anybody, and then you came along. I thought I could put my trust in you. Damn, Blaise, I even began to let myself fall for you, and you knew how carefully I guarded my feelings around people. You were the first person I ever fell in love with."

"Draco." Blaise reached out and took Draco by the hand. "Please, I just want to say-"

"Don't touch me!" Draco hissed, pulling his hand away as the rage resurfaced. "Don't ever touch me again, Blaise. Don't come near me. Don't talk to me. I don't even want you to *look* at me if we're in the same room. Have I made myself clear?"

The air was thick with pain as the two boys stared fixedly at each other. Silver eyes ablaze with pain and fury. Brown eyes overflowing with guilt.

"Fuck this." Draco finally sighed, running a hand through his hair. "You're not worth all this, Blaise. You're worth less than a fucking house-elf." Turning on his heel, Draco began to stride out of the room, holding his head high in the typical arrogant Malfoy fashion.

"Wait, Draco! Where are you going?"

"I need a bath so I can wash all your *filth* off my body and out of my system." Draco snarled without looking back. Then Blaise was left standing alone in the dorm with his guilty conscience.

**It's like jumping, it's like leaping  
It's like walking on the ceiling  
It's like floating, it's like flying  
Through the air  
It's like soaring, it's like gliding  
It's a rocket ship you're riding  
It's a feeling that can take you anywhere  
  
So why they call it falling  
Why they call it falling  
Why they call it falling  
I don't know  
  
There was passion, there was laughter  
The first morning after  
I just couldn't get my feet to touch the ground  
Every time we were together  
We talked about forever  
I was certain it was Heaven  
We had found  
  
So why they call it falling  
Why they call it falling  
Why they call it falling  
I don't know  
  
But you can't live your life  
Walking in the clouds  
Sooner or later  
You have to come down  
  
It's like a knife through the heart  
When it all comes apart  
It's like someone takes a pin  
To your balloon  
It's a hole, it's a cave  
It's kinda like a grave  
When he tells you that he's found somebody new  
  
So why they call it falling  
Why they call it falling  
Why they call it falling  
Now I know  
Now I know******

**"Why they call it falling" – Lee Ann Womack **

**(Took me ages to find the perfect song to inspire me for this chapter!)**


	10. Don't let the tears show

**BEHIND LOCKED DOORS******

**WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.**

**OK this one is going to be a bit shorter than usual…but I promise the next one will be longer!!!******

******************************************************************

**Chapter Nine: Don't let the tears show**

****

Draco marched to the Prefect's bathroom, holding his head high so the tears that were threatening to flow would be less obvious. Not only was he hurt, he was enraged, but more at himself than anything.

//It's my fault any of this happened; I might as well admit it. I was stupid enough to break the Malfoy code of trusting nobody outside of the family…//

"Password?" Said the painting blocking the door.

"Soap bubbles." He muttered, and the door swung open. He walked in, almost zombie-like in manner as he stripped and began to fill the bath with hot, almost scalding water and silvery bubbles, the kind that smelt strongly of lemons and mint.

Draco sighed as he slid into the huge tub, and closed his eyes. The water was almost painfully hot, adding to the emotional pain he was feeling and making it all seem a little sadistic.

"Gods! Why did you have to do this, Blaise?" He said to himself. "And of all people, why Pansy? Wasn't a Malfoy's virginity enough for you to claim?"

He scooped up handfuls of the water and poured it over his head, trying to wash away the memories of how Blaise had touched him, made certain parts of him come alive and feel like his skin was made of molten lava. The sensations that had been so congenial just days before now made Draco shudder in revulsion and pain. 

//How many times did he fuck me before Pansy? Was he fucking her first? Did she deliberately do this to spite me? Gods…I hate them so much, but I hate myself even more. This is my entire fault. I let him into my heart and my system and now I'll never be able to get him out…// 

Draco stared blankly into the oval mirror hanging on the wall. It reflected a tall, young man, slender but with well-defined muscles. His pale blonde hair was slick with water and his silvery eyes brimming over with pain and hate.

"Get out." He whispered, digging nails into his arms. "Get out. Get out. I need to make Blaise get out of my system." His head slumped forward and was supported with his hands.

"How do I get him out? I need to be pure again. I need to punish myself for breaking the Malfoy code…"

Draco looked up at his reflection again, and realized the answer was quite literally in front of him. Inhaling deeply, he stood up and rammed his fist right into the center of the mirror. It began to shatter, but the pieces remained intact and Draco could still see his cracked reflection.

//I'm broken, just like the reflection…Oh, Gods! A Zabini has broken me and made me this weak! This isn't right…I NEED TO BE PURE AGAIN!!! I CAN PURIFY MYSELF AND BE STRONGER, HARDER!!! I WON'T LET ANYONE IN AFTER THIS!!! I'LL BE A MALFOY RIGHT DOWN TO THE CORE!!! HARD, COLD, PURE AND PERFECT JUST LIKE I'M EXPECTED TO BE!!!!//

Draco punched the mirror again, and this time, pieces of the glass fell onto the ledge of the tub in a mixture of long, thin slivers, small, sharp and smooth points, and a few large, jagged pieces. Draco selected the sharpest one.

"Clean." He muttered, bring the sharp edge quickly across his left forearm. A long line of blood appeared.

"Pure." Another cut, this time closer to the wrist and right across an old wound. 

"Strong." The crook of the elbow. Blood flowed more from there.

"Hard." The right arm.

"Unbreakable." The chest, right across the heart.

"Cold." Another cut across the chest. Draco was starting to look like he had been painted red, the blood was flowing so freely. The water around his hips was beginning to take on a pale red tint.

"Perfect." Draco's hand was shaking now from the blood loss, but he continued, the urge to purify himself once more overriding any logical thought about going back down the path of no hope.

"I AM A PURE MALFOY!!!" He screamed, making a cut that extended from the crook in his right elbow to the bottom of his middle finger. Finally, the blood loss and exhaustion overtook him and his legs seemed to collapse as he slumped onto the ledge, and onto fragments of broken mirror-glass.

Seconds later, the bathroom began to fade slowly out of sight as the blackness of unconsciousness took over…but not before his now-hated Blaise came into his rapidly-tunneling vision and gathered him into his arms, naked, blood-soaked and dripping from the bathwater. His mouth was overflowing with apologies and (what Draco believed were declarations of love as tears flowed from his brown eyes,

And the only reason Draco didn't shove him away was because he was now too weak. Finally, the blocked tears came forth, sliding down pale cheeks in silent distress.

His attempts to purify himself had failed.

**_I would say I'm sorry   
If I thought that it would change your mind  
But I know that this time  
I have said too much  
Been too unkind  
  
I try to laugh about it  
Cover it all up with lies  
I try and laugh about it  
Hiding the tears in my eyes  
Because boys don't cry  
Boys don't cry  
  
I would break down at your feet  
And beg forgiveness  
Plead with you  
But I know that it's too late  
And now there's nothing I can do  
  
So I try to laugh about it  
Cover it all up with lies  
I try to laugh about it  
Hiding the tears in my eyes  
Because boys don't cry  
  
I would tell you  
That I loved you  
If I thought that you would stay  
But I know that it's no use  
That you've already  
Gone away  
  
Misjudged your limit  
Pushed you too far  
Took you for granted  
I thought that you needed me more  
  
Now I would do most anything  
To get you back by my side  
But I just keep on laughing  
Hiding the tears in my eyes  
Because boys don't cry  
Boys don't cry  
Boys don't cry_**

**"Boys don't Cry" – The Cure**


	11. Recovering

****

BEHIND LOCKED DOORS

WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.

**********************************************************

****

Chapter Ten: Recovering

Poppy Pomfrey, the Mediwitch of Hogwarts Academy, frowned at the unconscious youth lying in the bed in front of her. His normally ivory skin was a sickly ash-grey, contrasting strangely with the damp, matted silver-blonde hair that fell into his closed eyes. The thick, enchanted bandages covering his entire forearms and a good deal of his upper torso were white tinted with multiple lines of dark red. For now, these bandages dripped magic into the wounds, willing them to close up, but the wounds were so many that Poppy believed it would take drastic measures to repair the broken skin and replace the lost blood.

Draco moaned painfully in his sleep, twisting the sweat-soaked sheets underneath him in his hands. There was no doubt that he was in for a long, uncomfortable night, even after the heavy dose of Dreamless sleep Potion he had been administered. Tomorrow would be even more unpleasant with large doses of Re-Blood Potion, which not only tasted extremely bitter, but also would leave the patient in agony for many hours. 'Growing back' blood had always been an agonizing process.

Poppy sighed sadly, wiping Draco's burning forehead with an icy cloth. He moaned again, tears dripping from his closed eyes. 

"The poor child. Why would one so young and so seemingly happy want to throw it all away?" She sighed again, and closed the curtains around his bedside.

"Poppy." A deep, smooth voice cut through the silence that had followed. She turned around. Professor Snape was standing calmly at the Hospital Wing's door, his pale, spidery hands folded in front of him. His trademark sneer was currently replaced with an expression of concern and distress.

"Severus." Poppy nodded politely towards the tall, gothic-looking Head of Slytherin.

"How is he?" She had informed Severus of Draco's 'ailment' just minutes after he had been placed in her care. Poppy sighed, wringing her small, plump hands together.

"I'm afraid it isn't good right now, Severus. Not only has Draco lost a near-fatal amount of blood, I have reason to believe that he may be infected because the glass was unclean. There is currently a high chance that he may have tetanus, though he has not displayed any symptoms of the disease so far apart from a high fever."

"But that could attribute to many other things, am I correct?"

"Very much so, Severus. The charmed bandages as well as recovery from a suicide attempt have often contributed to fevers in past cases." Severus sighed unhappily, folding his arms.

"I honestly don't understand why Draco would suddenly do this, Poppy. I talked with his Father only a week ago and there were no apparent domestic problems. In fact, if anything, he and Draco have never been closer. Also, Draco's grades have remained above average and his mood has been no different than usual." 

"Maybe domestic problems weren't the cause, Severus." Poppy answered softly. "Draco may simply be a sufferer of depression. Unfortunately, it's a very common problem in teenagers. I've been the Mediwitch of Hogwarts for over thirty years and I've lost count of the number of depression sufferers I've had in my care. And we must remember, this isn't the first time Draco has done this. Do you not remember the incident during the Tournament? I'm amazed that he survived, and even more amazed that his illness was overlooked due to the excitement of the TriWizard Tournament."

Severus frowned deeply. He remembered Draco's 'accident' from two years ago all too well. The slender, blond youth's narrow escape from suicide in the midst of an intense, much-hyped TriWizard Tournament had been quickly forgotten. 

"I owled his Father about the news some time ago." He muttered thoughtfully. "The owl should be arriving at the Malfoy manor fairly soon, I believe." Poppy sighed,

"I hope he comes to Hogwarts. It will do Draco much good to have somebody he trusts and can confide in with him at a time like this."

***********************

A large, ebony owl flew through the open window of the Malfoy Manor dining room, screeching incessantly. The noise echoed through the large, near-empty house. Lucius was currently the only one present, as Narcissia had left to pay a visit to her Mother for the afternoon and most of the night.

"Damn stupid creature!" Lucius yelled, coming out of one of the small lounge-rooms in the Malfoy Manor. His silvery eyes narrowed.

"That's Severus' owl. What would he be wanting from me?" The owl dropped a rolled-up scrap of parchment at the silver-blonde man's feet.

"Hmph. Couldn't possibly be anything to do with Voldemort. We always associate through magical communications for that."

Curiously, Lucius unrolled the parchment and what he read made his blood run cold.

**__**


	12. Peacefully

****

BEHIND LOCKED DOORS

WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.

**********************************************************

Chapter Eleven: Peacefully

Lucius Malfoy;

I regret to inform you that your son, Draco Malfoy, attempted suicide some hours ago by self-inflicted cuts. He is currently in a critical condition and under the watchful eye of Madam Pomfrey. 

Once again, I am truly sorry that I was the one who had to tell you this, as Dumbledore was intending to keep this a secret from you and your wife. As much as I didn't want to, I thought it would be better that you are aware of your son's condition. I am aware that the two of you have begun to grow closer to one another as he writes to you frequently. Why he was driven to do what he did remains a mystery to me. He has displayed no signs of his former depression during the term, and if anything, I had never seen him in a better mood.

I urge you to visit your son as soon as possible, Lucius. Maybe a visit from you might answer some questions and help him to recover sooner. You know that the Floo network is connected to my study fireplace. I shall be awaiting your arrival and making sure Draco is taken care of.

Your friend and associate,

Severus Snape

"Oh no! Gods no!" Lucius rasped, staring fixedly at the letter. "This must be a nightmare. Draco was so happy when he last wrote…why? Why?"

His hand tangled worriedly in his long, silky hair as he bit his lower lip in anxiety. Then, his eyes set themselves in an expression of determination as he strode towards the nearest fireplace, grabbing a small amount off Floo powder.

"Snape's Study room!" He said in a loud, clear voice. The powder flew up around his face, and he felt the strange, whirling sensation that always overtook him before everything became an emerald haze.

When Lucius opened his eyes again, he could see a familiar room. It was large, dimly lit by enchanted oil lamps and had a large black rug on the cold, stone floor. 

"That was quicker than I thought." Said a familiar voice. Lucius smirked.

"Good to see you as well, Severus." His smirk quickly faded. "Take me to Draco."

Severus nodded silently and motioned for Lucius to follow him out of the small room, through a winding corridor, and up one flight of steps until they were standing at the entrance of the hospital wing.

"Poppy…ah, I mean Madam Pomfrey is in here. She will be able to inform you of Draco's current situation. I'd come with you but I believe you would like some privacy." 

"Yes, I would actually. Thankyou, my friend." Lucius nodded gratefully towards Severus who gave him a rare smile of encouragement before turning on his heel and going back down the stairs.

*****************

Lucius strode into the Hogwarts hospital wing, tall and imposing against the small, ageing Madam Pomfrey.

"I'm here to see my son." It was not a request. The small medi-witch frowned in irritation.

"No visitors. All my patients are asleep." Lucius raised an eyebrow, his hand tightening on the silver top of his cane. 

"I *said* 'I'm here to see my son.'" Lucius snapped impatiently. "Is Draco in your hospital wing or is he not?" The Mediwitch's eyes suddenly widened in realisation.

"Mister Malfoy? My apologies, I should've noticed the resemblance between you. Of course Draco is here. But he *is* sleeping. I gave him a deep sleep draught, so I'm unsure as to whether he will be waking up for awhile. He needs it for tonight…Poor lad really, he-"

"Madam! I would kindly thank you to cease your blabbering and tell me *where is my son?*" Madam Pomfrey frowned again at the elder Malfoy's apparent rudeness, but her eyes bled sympathy.

"Third screen on your left." She answered bluntly before going back to measuring out another potion.

A wreck. Those were the only words that Lucius could think of to describe his only child when he first saw Draco just lying there. 

Draco's white-blonde hair, normally slicked back out of his face, was now a tangled mane, falling all over his face in sweaty, messy clumps. His skin…well, there was nothing he could think of to describe it. Draco had always been naturally pale, now he was almost grey, there was so little colour in his skin, and he appeared so vulnerable, curled on his side in a ball. The blankets were pulled up to his collarbone. Carefully, Lucius eased the blankets down to Draco's waist, and bit his tongue to prevent any emotions escaping in public as the heavy bandages, tinted with bloodstains, became visible on Draco's forearms.

"Oh, my dragon. My poor dragon." His voice was barely above a whisper. "What drove you back down this path?"

He was more than aware of how ridiculously melodramatic he sounded, but it didn't matter right now. All that mattered was that his only child had attempted suicide and very nearly succeeded. In a way, it was ironic that Draco had spent most of his summer holidays trying to stop his Father's cutting habits.

"Madam!" His low, smooth voice sounded strangely loud in the near-silent room. Poppy Pomfrey's head appeared between the curtains that enclosed Draco's bed.

"Yes, Mr. Malfoy?"

"I shall be staying with Draco tonight, I thought it would be convenient that I inform you of that." Poppy nodded, but her mouth screwed up a little in disagreement.

"That's all very well, Mr. Malfoy, but you cannot stay in the hospital wing. This wing is for students only." Lucius narrowed his eyes and looked down at the small, plump witch from his perfect nose.

"Madam, in case it has slipped your feeble mind, I am Lucius Malfoy, and there are *always* exceptions for Malfoys. Am I right in assuming that it has *also* slipped your mind that the Malfoy family happen to be a highly influential lot who donate generous sums to what we deem worthy education facilities?" 

This was all said in a smooth, monotonous voice, but there was no mistaking the dangerous glint in Lucius' silvery eyes. Poppy was nobody's fool, remembering quite well how the Malfoy name and influence had not only nearly cost Dumbledore his job, but also had a perfectly harmless Hippogriff executed some years ago. She didn't want a hands-on experience of the damage a Malfoy name could inflict, so she simply bit her tongue and nodded civilly.

"Will you be requiring any bedclothes, a mattress maybe?" She asked in a forced polite voice. Lucius shook his head.

"I am an insomniac, Madam. I obtain my rest plentifully, but I have not actually experienced sleep for a long time now."

"Very well then, Mr. Malfoy. I bid you good night."

***********************

When Draco awoke, it was to warm sun filtering through a gap in the curtains and cutting a slim line onto his face. His eyes seemed glued shut for a brief moment, and then they opened slowly. He could hear a faint tapping sound against the windows. It had started to rain too. There wouldn't be sun for much longer.

"I'm in the hospital wing." He murmured to himself. "Why am I here?"

Then, the memories of last evening came rushing back and hit him like a punch to the face. Blaise fucking Pansy in an abandoned room. Confronting Blaise and throwing punches as well as words. Hot, scalding water. A broken mirror. Blood. Blaise's arms wrapping around him. Then… …nothing.

Draco could feel the tears pricking in his eyes again and he inhaled, his breath shuddering as he did so, and making his whole body shake with repressed emotion.

"Normally, I would say that a Malfoy never cries, but…" A familiar voice cut into Draco's silence. He whipped around in shock. Lucius was sitting on the comfortable armchair next to his bed, watching him carefully.

"Father! Why are you here?" Despite the close bond they had formed over the summer, Draco could feel fear churning in the pit of his stomach. What if Lucius was angry with him and took the cuts to be suicidal? Making Lucius Malfoy angry was never a good thing.

"Actually, Draco. I think the question *should* be *why* are *you* here." Lucius said bluntly. His hands were, as usual, resting on the silver top of his cane. Draco bit his lip, unable to look directly at his Father.

"It's a long story." He said finally, drawing his knees to his chest. Lucius lazily raised a single eyebrow.

"I have all day." He answered. Draco finally stopped looking at the bedsheets.

"Well…" He hesitated for a moment. "It all started yesterday afternoon, when I was on detention with Lucas."

"You were on detention? What did you do this time, Draco?" Lucius demanded, a touch irritably. Draco didn't have the strength for a smart-alec answer or even a typical Malfoy glare.

"Filch caught us smoking in one of our bludge hours." To his surprise, Lucius gave a small snicker.

"Just like Professor Nidiram caught Snape and myself back in our sixth year." He admitted, noting Draco's puzzled expression. He then motioned for Draco to continue.

"Well, we had to clean an abandoned classroom on the third floor as punishment. We were almost done when Lucas went to get the mop, and he heard noises coming from another room. He came back to get me, because it turned out the noises were from *my* boyfriend, Blaise, *fucking* that *slut,* Pansy Parkinson!"

"He was *what?*" Lucius' voice rose slightly. Draco weakly motioned for silence.

"Anyway, because Lucas was unaware of our relationship, I didn't make a scene. Instead, I simply finished cleaning the classroom before returning to my dorm and waiting for Blaise. He came in, acting all suave and trying to seduce me. I led him on until he kissed me, then I attacked him with my bare hands and let him know what I really thought of him."

"Attacking your unfaithful boyfriend without the use of an Unforgivable? Hmph! A little un-Malfoy like, I must admit." Lucius muttered, a ghost of a smile on his lips. Draco glared weakly.

"Fuck the Malfoy name. It's the reason I'm here." He growled. Lucius glared at him.

"Draco! Your condition is a feeble excuse for insulting the Malfoy name and you know that!" Lucius snapped, straightening up immediately. Draco just stared obstinately.

"I said it before and I'll say it again. Fuck the Malfoy name. It's the reason I'm here. I tried to purify myself after attacking Blaise because all the events made me feel like I had dirtied the name." Draco spoke in a rush so Lucius was unable to interrupt him.

"Purify yourself? Don't you mean you tried to kill yourself? Rather ironic really, considering the lengths you went to so I would stop cutting." Draco just stared.

"Kill myself? I wasn't trying to kill myself, Father."

"And yet you are bought to the hospital wing, nearly bleeding to death from self-inflicted wounds?"

"I made the same mistake you had been making. I felt unclean, as if I was unable to get Blaise out of my system and be a proper Malfoy again. I wanted to, in a sense, cleanse myself of everything… …but I got carried away. I swear on the Malfoy name though, that I was never trying to kill myself." Lucius frowned, though not in disgust or anger.

"Draco, if you were hurting so much, why didn't you come to me? I'm your Father. You know I care about you and I'll always have time for you." He reached out and put a hand on Draco's shoulder.

"I…I don't know. I guess I just felt so alone and useless…and…and…" Draco began shaking violently, trying to hold it all in. He had tried so hard to purify himself, to be a stronger person after Blaise. He couldn't let it all go to waste.

"Normally, I would never be saying this where I could be heard, but you don't have to hold it all in this time, Draco." Lucius' voice was surprisingly gentle as he sat down on the bed next to Draco, an arm around his shoulder. "You're hurting, like I was before you helped me. If you need to cry, Draco, then just do it. I'm not going to think any less of you. Just let it all out."

Draco hesitated briefly, then Lucius gathered him firmly against his chest, and Draco began to cry slowly at first, then huge, near-silent sobs that racked his entire body along with rivers of tears that dampened the front of Lucius' dark robes.

"I just don't know why he would do all that to me." Draco's voice was hoarse with emotion. "I treated him well, I know I did. I wanted it all to work out, because he made me so happy, and I thought I made him happy too, but I just wasn't good enough, was I? He just had to go for Pansy of all people, while making me fall in love with him at the same time. How could I be so stupid? I never should've trusted him…"

Lucius didn't say a word, but instead hugged Draco that little bit tighter to him, one hand running through his son's matted, dirty hair. His forehead rested peacefully against the crown of Draco's head, not minding the occasional, shuddering sobs that came from his son.

"Don't worry about Blaise anymore, my dragon." Lucius whispered after Draco, finally drained and relieved of his pain, collapsed in his arms and went silent. "You were too good for him and you know that."

"Thankyou, Father." Draco said after a moment of silence. He sounded so small and childlike. "I love you."

"I love you too, my dragon." Lucius answered peacefully. "I'm always here for you. Don't ever forget that." He kissed Draco's forehead in what was meant to be a fatherly gesture, but instead sent a strange tingle through the bodies of both Malfoys. It wasn't as if the gesture had shocked them, rather it seemed to make everything…different. They both felt not only blissfully at peace with themselves and each other, but also warm and loved in more ways than one. 

Lucius smiled peacefully at his only son. Draco smiled back in a similar manner before closing his eyes and peacefully resting his head on Lucius' shoulder. This kind of contact would have felt alien and confusing just months ago. Now neither Draco nor Lucius could currently imagine anything that would have made them feel better.

Outside, the rain came down in bucketfuls, blurring the outside world and cleansing everything in its way.

****

Sailing down behind the sun,

Waiting for my prince to come.

Praying for the healing rain

To restore my soul again. 

Just a toerag on the run.

How did I get here?

What have I done?

When will all my hopes arise?

How will I know him?

When I look in my father's eyes.(My father's eyes.)

When I look in my father's eyes.(My father's eyes.) 

Then the light begins to shine

And I hear those ancient lullabies.

And as I watch this seedling grow,

Feel my heart start to overflow. 

Where do I find the words to say?

How do I teach him?

What do we play?

Bit by bit, I've realized

That's when I need them

That's when I need my father's eyes.(My father's eyes.)

That's when I need my father's eyes.(My father's eyes.) 

Then the jagged edge appears

Through the distant clouds of tears.

I'm like a bridge that was washed away;

My foundations were made of clay. 

As my soul slides down to die.

How could I lose him?

What did I try?

Bit by bit, I've realised

That he was here with me;

I looked into my father's eyes.

My father's eyes.

I looked into my father's eyes.(My father's eyes.)

(My father's eyes.)

(My father's eyes.)I looked into my father's eyes.(My father's eyes.) 

****

"My Father's Eyes" – Eric Clapton


	13. The truth comes out

BEHIND LOCKED DOORS  
  
WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.  
  
OK, this chapter isn't that eventful in my opinion, but the story gets better in the next few chapters, I promise!!! **********************************************************  
  
Chapter Twelve: The truth comes out  
  
Two days had passed since his Father's visit, and Draco remained in the hospital wing, his strength still returning to him. In that time, Lucas, Crabbe and Goyle had visited him with presents from Honeydukes. It had come to no surprise that Blaise had stayed far away from the hospital wing, and he was glad of it. After all, Draco was more than aware that he could not be held responsible for his actions if he was left alone with Blaise again.  
  
"Hello? Are you awake?" A familiar, slightly husky voice interrupted Draco's thoughts while he was staring at the enchanted ceiling. He sat up.  
  
"What do you want?" He asked Pansy in a bored tone. She frowned. She was holding a bottle of alcoholic butterbeer and a book.  
  
"Well, I *was* planning on visiting a friend I nearly lost and giving him some presents, but seeing as that friend feels like being rude-" She began to turn on her heel.  
  
"No, wait. Stay here, Pansy." He motioned for her to sit down. She obliged, placing her gifts on the foot of his bed and pretending not to notice the distasteful look he cast them. His silvery eyes burned into her obsidian ones.  
  
"Everybody's talking about you, Draco. You do know that, don't you?" Her tone was mostly neutral, suggesting that she didn't really care. To her, it was an interesting piece of gossip more than anything. "Your father isn't going to be pleased with you, is he?" Draco only shrugged.  
  
"Since when is my father any of your business?" He retorted. Pansy raised a dark, thin eyebrow.  
  
"Well, *someone* is tetchy this afternoon! What's your problem anyway, Draco? I come in on my own time to see how you are because, unlike other people, I actually give a shit about my friends, and you just decide to see how much of an arsehole you can be! What the fuck did I do to you that was so bad apart from Flint?" Draco just glared at her unblinkingly, allowing the silence to permeate the air like a bad smell.  
  
"You're the reason I did this."  
  
"I'm *what*?"  
  
"You heard me, you stupid bitch!" Draco growled. "You're the reason I cut myself. You're the reason I nearly died, and you're the reason I'm here right now! Why the fuck should I be nice to you when this is your fault?"  
  
"MY fault? I've done nothing but be a good friend to you ever since we broke up. Look, I'm sorry if you're still hung up on the past but-"  
  
"The past?" Draco let out a high-pitched parody of a laugh. "Pansy, why don't you just stop this stupid game. I'm not a moron, and neither are you. So why don't you just come clean and we can both get on with our lives?" Pansy just snorted.  
  
"What the hell are you on about? I've done *nothing* to you and I'm not playing any games."  
  
"Fine." Draco sighed in exasperation. "If this is the way you want to go about it, then I'll go along, but firstly-"  
  
"Firstly what?" Pansy was also becoming rather annoyed and impatient by now. Draco continued to stare at her unblinkingly with those cold, silvery eyes.  
  
"Tell me, Pansy. Do you get some sick sort of pleasure out of ruining my life? No, seriously, I really want to know." He drawled, silver eyes boring into her. "I mean, it was bad enough that you became Flint's whore when we were together, but what the *fuck* did I ever do to you that made you decide to take my boyfriend away from me too?"  
  
"What do you mean, *your boyfriend*?" There was no shame in her voice, only pure confusion. Draco narrowed his eyes.  
  
"Don't play these mind games with me, Pansy. Blaise and I have been together for two months, and I saw you fucking him in an empty room!" Automatically, Pansy's full lips set themselves into a hard, narrow line of rage. The confusion vanished from her dark eyes and was replaced with black fire.  
  
"Oh, Gods! That *bastard*! That *bastard*!" She growled between clenched teeth. "Oh Gods, Draco I'm so sorry."  
  
"Sorry for what?" He drawled, arms folded. "For fucking my life up again? For truly making yourself the Slytherin slut? For being a better fuck than me?" Pansy glared at him, holding up a small hand for silence.  
  
"Hang on a moment, Draco. I need to explain, but first, I have to ask you something." Draco just glared at the petite girl.  
  
"I know what you plan on asking, and no, I don't want the bastard ba-"  
  
"Shut up!" Pansy snapped. "That's not what I wanted to ask. I wanted to know why nobody was aware that you and Blaise were together. Did he want to keep it a secret or something?"  
  
"So what if he did? Since when is that any of your business?"  
  
"Draco, think about it." She spoke slowly, like she was explaining something to a small child. Quite suddenly, all the puzzle pieces seemed to click into place, revealing a very unpretty picture.  
  
"He was playing us." Draco's eyes went wide in a mixture of fury and pain as Pansy nodded an affirmative. "He was *playing* us." Draco repeated, growling. "Gods! How could I have been so *stupid* not to realize it? It was so damn *obvious*! I'm going to *kill* that bastard!!!"  
  
"Hang on, Draco." Pansy covered his large, pale hand with her smaller one. "You can't be too hasty, apparently it's very un-Malfoy like." She smiled cruelly. "Besides, you're not the only one who wishes to see Blaise suffer."  
  
"Exactly what are you suggesting?" Draco inquired. She leaned closer towards him, so their faces were mere inches apart.  
  
"I'm suggesting," She said in that low, husky voice of hers "that we should consider joining forces in getting revenge on that little bastard. After all, if the two of us work together, we could find some rather.interesting ways to wreak our revenge upon him, don't you think?" Her cruel smile widened ever so slightly. Draco narrowed his eyes briefly before returning an equally cruel smile.  
  
"I think, my dear Pansy, that you have suggested a very tempting idea." He answered, moving back from her face. "Now, exactly where shall we start?"  
  
"We declare ourselves in a partnership, of course." Pansy answered coolly, her smile never fading. She took her hand off Draco's and extended it. They shook hands, staring into each other's eyes the entire time.  
  
"And exactly where shall we go from here?" Draco asked smoothly, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"The restricted section, of course." Pansy answered without hesitation. "Professor Snape will give me permission to borrow some certain books and I'll being them back to you. I already have a plan of attack in mind." 


	14. Putting revenge into action

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BEHIND LOCKED DOORS

WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.

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Chapter Fourteen: Putting revenge into action

"Draco! Draco! Are you in here?" An excited Pansy Parkinson bolted into the near-empty Slytherin common room, her long, black hair flying out behind her.

"I'm here. What do you want?" Draco was sitting near the fireplace, absorbed in a thick book. He hadn't even looked up when she entered. Pansy plonked herself down next to him. She was also carrying a thick book.

"I found the perfect curses. Painful, effective and legal." Her voice had dropped to barely a whisper, but Draco was now listening eagerly.

"Like what?" She grinned.

"My particular favourite is **_Venaecious Fervorious_** or, in modern terms, the blood boiling curse. Another fun hex is called the **_Delirium Vox_**."

"And what would that do, my dear Pansy?" He drawled, obviously interested in what she had to say. Pansy laughed.

"It's an Occlumency spell, I guess. This spell would allow us to penetrate Blaise's mind for a short period of time and make him think he is hearing voices in his head. It's fun, but more complicated than others."

"Do you have anymore?" Pansy frowned at him in mock-annoyance.

"You know, Mr. Malfoy, I do expect you to have done a little hex research yourself. This is a partnership, remember, not a dictatorship." He smirked lazily.

"Yes, I am aware of that, my dear, and fear not, I have done a little research on this. How does the **_Viagrus _**spell sound?" Pansy gaped in shock, then began giggling madly. 

"The…the V…**_Viagrus _**spell?" She managed to get out inbetween her giggles. "Oh…M…Merlin! That would b…be *priceless!* We *have* to use it, Draco, we just *have* to!" She collapsed into giggles again, one arm wrapped around her stomach to keep herself from losing her balance. Draco grinned.

"I'll cast it tonight." He said thoughtfully. "If I get the timing just right the effects will kick in at breakfast and be there for the rest of the day." Pansy laughed gleefully, one hand over her mouth. Draco cast a quick glance at the clock.

"Which means I should be casting the spell in exactly seven minutes. He's been asleep for awhile so it'll be much easier for us. But I think we should go to the dorms now to give ourselves more time."

"And if we get caught, we just pretend that we're making out." Pansy added neutrally. Draco cringed at the thought of kissing his ex-girlfriend, but nodded anyway.

The dorm was lit dimly by enchanted candles and apart from the gentle snores from some of the students, it was mostly silent. They grinned secretly at each other as Draco made his way over to Blaise's bed. The exotic youth was sleeping soundly on his back, one arm thrown across his face as he snored a little. He raised his wand to shoulder-level and gave it one very violent downward flick.

"**_Viagrus!_**" He hissed. A pale blue light erupted from the tip of his wand and shot up Blaise's nostrils as well as his open mouth. He smirked in satisfaction. "Your turn, Pansy." She stepped forward, dark hair forming a curtain around her face.

"**_Delirium Vox!_**" Her voice was low but clear. Transparent gold mist erupted from her wand, encircling the head of the sleeping youth as well her own head. Her dark eyes closed for a few moments, as if she were trying to remember something. Quite suddenly, they snapped open again and a slow, cruel smirk appeared on her pretty face. "I've made the connection with his mind. Now if I want to tap into his mind for some fun, I can." Draco smirked back at her.

"Well done, my dear." 

"Now, I am going to bed, Draco. Good night." 

"Good night, Pansy." Draco yawned and retreated to his own bed, knowing that tomorrow would be fun when the spells began to take action.


	15. Bad Times For Blaise

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BEHIND LOCKED DOORS

WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.

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Chapter Fourteen: Bad times for Blaise

Pansy and Draco did not sit with each other at breakfast. Pansy was still supposed to be Blaise's girlfriend so she was sitting next to him, a few seats down from Draco. Occasionally, she caught Draco's eye and winked slyly. Suddenly, she shut her eyes as if she were concentrating on something. A surprised yelp made her open her eyes. Blaise, who was sitting next to her, hurriedly bent forward, a hint of red showing in his olive skin.

"Something the matter, sweetie?" Pansy asked in a saccharine tone, turning towards him. Blaise shook his head obviously lying and Draco bit his lower lip in order to conceal his amusement. The spell's timing was spot-on. Blaise shook his head, cheeks going even redder.

"No. Just bit my tongue." He managed to squeak out. Pansy nodded mock-knowingly and Draco barely managed to smother a snort of laughter as he got up to leave for Transfiguration with Crabbe and Goyle. He stood for a moment, wanting to see what would happen to Blaise. Pansy caught his eye and a positively evil smirk stretched across her full lips as he gave her the tiniest of nods. 

"Sweetie! Are you sure you feel alright?" She asked Blaise again, leaning over towards him. One of her small hands stroked across his thigh and Blaise let out a noise that was between a moan and a strangled cry as he stood up and bolted out of the Great Hall, slightly bent to conceal an obvious erection underneath his pants and robes. People turned around to stare at the sudden commotion and those who were close enough to see the problem burst into laughter.

"Touch of the morning wood eh, Blaise?" Lucas Nott yelled loud enough for everybody to hear. The laughter seemed to become even louder.

"Oh Merlin, that's disgusting!" Screamed Cho Chang, a seventh-year Ravenclaw.

"It's not very big, is it?" Draco said in a loud, clear voice as Blaise disappeared down the dungeon steps. The laughter continued until McGonagall and Snape took it into their hands to calm down everybody and make them go to their classes. Pansy quickly caught up with Draco. 

"That was short." She commented, falling into step next to him. "Hilarious, but short. It's a pity we won't see that again." Draco suddenly laughed out loud. "What? What's so funny?" She demanded, one eyebrow raised. Draco laughed for a little longer before finally answering.

"You're wrong, my dear." He managed to say inbetween his laughs. "Blaise may be able to work off his little problem, but the magic is still in his system. Once he thinks the problem is gone, the magic will re-effect his body in exactly fifteen minutes and we will be having a lot of fun pointing and mocking him. Plus, it doesn't matter how many times he gets rid of it, the magic stays in his system for the next thirty-six hours. Didn't you read the fine print on this spell, Pansy?" But Pansy was laughing too much to answer as they entered the Transfiguration classroom.

"Good morning, class." Professor McGonagall said in her crisp, clear voice. Draco grinned as he slid into a seat next to Adrian MacNair. Blaise rushed in two minutes later, very red under his olive complexion and a rather scattered look to his self. Several people turned to stare and snicker at him as he sat down next to Lucas Nott. McGonagall raised an eyebrow at him, obviously unimpressed at his late arrival.

"Now that we are all here, I shall be able to inform you all of today's task." She motioned towards the mice on their desks. "Now, obviously, you have yet to learn how to transfigure non-living items into living items and vice versa, this will be covered in your final year, and only if you are a highly advanced student. So today, we shall concentrate on a complicated level of creature transfiguration. We are going to transfigure our mice into cats. This is done by waving your wand like so" She paused to give her wand a complex wave and a sharp flick "You must then say **_Morphus Felinus_**! Do not forget to say it loud and clear."

Soon, the entire class was absorbed in their mice. Lucas Nott, who was known for being one of the brainier Slytherins, got it on the first try and was soon ceaselessly swapping back and forth between cat and mouse. Pansy appeared to be having a little trouble, as her mouse had transfigured into a mouse-sized cat. Goyle, well, he had somehow managed to transfigure his poor mouse into an animal that had the body of a tortoise but a cat's head and a mouse's tail.

Everything seemed to be going quite well, until a yelp and a revolted yell interrupted the class. 

"Oh Merlin! That is absolutely disgusting!" Yelled Lucas Nott. Everyone turned in his direction. Lucas had a look of pure revulsion on his face and was sitting as far away from Blaise as he possibly could. Blaise was slumped low in his chair, looking like he wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole.

"What's disgusting?" Draco asked, loud enough for everybody to hear. His cold eyes were fixed on Blaise and a cruel smile was stretched across his mouth.

"That…that *faggot* sitting next to me has gotten a boner right in the middle of class!" Lucas yelled. The whole class burst into laughter and McGonagall raised her eyebrows as she made her way over to Blaise, who slumped even lower in his seat.

"An explanation, Mr. Zabini?" She folded her arms, staring at him over the top of her glasses very sternly. However, the entire class noticed the twitch at the left corner of her mouth, a classic sign that she was as amused as the rest of them.

"I…I…" Blaise was tomato-red and staring fixedly at the graffiti on his desk. "It…it just appeared out of nowhere, Professor." He muttered. Those who were close enough to hear him laughed even harder. McGonagall just frowned at him and pointed towards the door. He left quickly, hunched over and bright red with humiliation.

But the bad day had only begun for Blaise. His 'problem,' as Draco referred to it, was relieved only temporarily before re-appearing in the middle of Potions. For the first, and only time in his life, Draco was ecstatic to have a class with the Gryffindors, who shed even more light onto Blaise when, in the middle of mixing an Insomnia Potion, a squeal of pain echoed through the dungeons. When everybody turned towards the problem, Blaise was curled up on the ground, hands clutching between his legs. His eyes were watering and his face was, once more, tomato-red. Professor Snape was immediately onto the criminal, a furious and embarrassed Pavarti Patil. 

"Miss Patil, what is the meaning of this?" Professor Snape roared, attempting to help Blaise to his feet. Unfortunately, that meant Blaise had to move his hands, and the room went into an uproar. There were screams of laughter and shock from both the Gryffindors and the Slytherins.

"It's his fault." Pavarti snapped, glaring at the exotic Slytherin, who was obviously in great pain. "I was just trying to get the potion done when I felt something poke me in the leg. I looked and saw exactly what had poked me, so my first reaction was to knee it away from me." Blaise turned white at the recent memory and the whole class laughed even harder. Snape, however, silenced them all with a steely gaze.

"20 points from Gryffindor for assaulting a student." He said coldly before turning back to Blaise, who was still bent double. "Is what Miss Patil said true, Mr. Zabini?"

"Yes, sir." Blaise answered in a voice that was at least eight octaves too high. The class laughed again, though not as loud this time. "But I didn't do it on purpose. It…it just appeared out of nowhere?"

"Again?" Draco yelled loud enough for everybody to hear. "Are you going for a record or something, Blaise? This is your third one today!" The laughter became even louder and Blaise looked like he was about to start crying. Even the sour-faced Professor Snape was desperately trying not to laugh at the unfortunate Blaise. He was aware of what was happening to Blaise, after all, Lucius had given him a brief of what Draco had said that morning Draco had awoken after his supposed suicide attempt.

**__**

"Of course you may research hexes." He had told Pansy and Draco when they came to him. "I know why you are using them though." They had paled at this until a cruel smile stretched his thin lips. "And personally, I think that you are both doing a very Slytherin thing. We all know just that revenge is a dish best served in the most underhanded way, especially to an unfaithful spouse."

"Fifteen points from Slytherin for harassing a student and detention with me tomorrow night at six-thirty sharp." Snape said coolly. All the Gryffindors laughed behind their hands along with a few of the Slytherins that weren't giving Blaise death stares for forcing Snape to confiscate points. Blaise sent Snape a sulky look from his position on the floor.

"Oh, do get up, Mr, Zabini and stop your exaggerating. The pain couldn't be that bad. Miss Patil is barely half your size." Blaise got to his feet very, very slowly, one hand still over his crotch. Barely audible snickers ran through the class before they lapsed back into silence and went back to working on their potions. Well, everybody except Blaise, who, after being granted permission, hobbled very slowly out of the classroom to the Hospital Wing. Draco and Pansy looked up as Blaise hobbled out and they caught each other's eyes. Sly grins stretched across their faces as the bell went for the end of class.

"You have Care of Magical Creatures now, right?" Draco asked as they left. Pansy nodded, then opened her mouth as if she were about to say something before shutting it just as quickly. "What?" Draco asked, looking at her.

"I was just thinking…" She chose her words carefully, deliberately. "Do you think today was enough to pay back Blaise for hurting the both of us…or do you think we should continue to make his life a living nightmare a little bit longer?" Draco raised a pale eyebrow, a smirk turning up the corners of his mouth. 

"Now exactly what do you think I would be saying to that, my dear Pansy?" His voice was innocent but the fire in his eyes as well as the almost-evil expression on his face gave her the answer she knew she would find.

"Maybe we could muck up his detention a little." Pansy's voice had a dreamy, thoughtful quality to it as they exited onto the schoolgrounds. "I know from experience that Professor Snape likes to give people jobs that only a house-elf would enjoy, such as cleaning out all the dirty cauldrons with toothbrushes or making really pointless potions. Maybe if we follow him, we could hide somewhere and jinx whatever it is he has to do." Draco's tiny smirk widened.

"I couldn't have thought up a better idea myself. Very well, Pansy. We'll go to the Potions Class at six-twenty-five and that will give us just enough time to hide from Blaise. Just one thing though, how do we get past Snape?" Pansy shrugged.

"Well you obviously wouldn't know because he's never given you a detention, but Snape doesn't stay in the room. Once he's told you what to do, he leaves and doesn't come back for a few hours."

"Then it's settled." Draco said as they began to separate so she could go to class and he could have a cigarette, though, this time, he would be a lot more careful not to get caught. "Six-twenty-five sharp we'll be there."

Neither one of them had noticed the old, ugly house-elf that had been spying on them the whole time and had heard every word of their conversation.

"Oh, master is going to be happy with Kreacher!" It cackled, rubbing its gnarled, brown hands together. "Kreacher has done very good for master for the last week, not getting caught while spying! Kreacher is being such a wonderful servant…" With a snap of its gnarled little fingers, the house-elf vanished into thin air.


	16. The Portkey to Punishment and Confusion

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BEHIND LOCKED DOORS

WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.

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Chapter Fifteen: The Portkey to Punishment and Confusion

The next evening, two Slytherins cast made their way down to the Snape's Potions Class in the dungeons. It was just after six-twenty-four when they were standing outside the Potions Class, it's door shut. They now had roughly five minutes to prepare themselves.

"Now?" Pansy whispered. 

"Now." Draco nodded firmly as he began to turn the door-handle, and at that exact same moment the hands on all clocks in Hogwarts went to five-twenty-five. A strange, yet familiar, sensation shot through his body, as though there was a hook being pulled behind his bellybutton. Too shocked to yell out, Draco merely inhaled sharply as the hidden portkey in the door worked its magic and he vanished. All of this happened in the space of barely a second

"Draco!" Pansy cried. Of course, there was no answer. Pansy's eyes widened with panic. Her first instinct was to run away screaming, but the Slytherin in her made her stand her ground and take several deep breaths.

"Maybe I should follow." She muttered to herself. "Maybe I should find out exactly where he went. After all, we are allies for now and allies are supposed to back each other up." She paused to smirk wryly. "Besides, if he's not here with me, then I'll have to take the blame for being here for both of us." She could here footsteps at the top of the stone staircase now so, without hesitation, Pansy clutched at the door handle and gritted her teeth as she felt the hook at the back of her bellybutton and was swept through the Portkey. Then everything when dark.

Fortunately, that was only for a moment. When the darkness vanished, Pansy found herself next to Draco in a room that gave off a sense of familiarity. She was sitting on it's cold marble floor, and when she tried to get up, realised she was unable to move anything except her eyes. There must have been a Petrificus charm cast throughout the entire room. Only a few minutes later, Blaise appeared out of nowhere next to her and also tried to move without success.

A few more minutes passed and, quite suddenly, the door opened and in the doorway stood none other than Lucius Malfoy, one hand resting on his elegant, silver-topped cane. He smirked cruelly at Pansy and Blaise, but his face obviously softened as his gaze turned to Draco.

"Excellent timing, I must say." He commented, not moving from the doorway. I set the Portkey to start at exactly six-twenty-five and end at exactly six-thirty-two. It is now six-thirty-three and I have you all right where I want you." He reached into one of the pockets in his robes to pull out a wand, which he pointed at all three of them. "Now, if I agree to release you all, do you promise to cooperate with me?" Of course, he received no answer, but raised his wand to reverse the spell and the three teenagers sighed with relief as they were finally able to get to their feet and move their cramped limbs. 

However, that relief was merely momentary for Blaise and Pansy. They had both barely managed to get out the kinks from their arms and legs when Lucius waved his wand once more and muttered another spell under his breath, causing lightweight but very strong shackles appeared on their arms and legs. 

"An extra precaution, just to make sure that neither one of you try anything stupid." Lucius said to them. Draco had remained as he was, unshackled and free to move. "Follow me." Lucius ordered them as he turned on his heel. Pansy and Blaise didn't want to, but it wasn't as if they had a say in the matter. Draco followed as well, though it was out of free will for him. 

When Lucius finally allowed them to stop, they were in one of the many underground dungeons within the Malfoy Manor. Pansy and Blaise stood side-by-side, unable to move their limbs. 

"I suppose you are all curious as to why I have bought you here." Lucius said, staring hard at Pansy and Blaise. Without allowing them time to answer, he continued on "There are laws of conduct in the Malfoy family. These laws must never be broken. If they are broken, regardless of whether this person carries the Malfoy name or has committed the offence against a Malfoy, then it is in our laws that the person is to be punished as we see fit." He strode forward, slender arms crossed over his chest as he scrutinised the exotic youth and the petite girl.

Pansy stared back indifferently, trying to push down the rising fear in her stomach and mask the scared expression in her dark eyes. Blaise stared over Lucius' shoulder defiantly in a macho manner, but, when Lucius leaned in a little closer, he swore that he could hear Blaise's heart beating so fast that he could barely distinguish between the separate beats. A smirk formed on his thin lips. They were obviously terrified, which was exactly what he wanted.

"And the both of you have committed crimes against the Malfoy name. You both played mental and emotional games with my son which resulted in my almost losing him forever." His eyes narrowed as he leaned in and spoke his next words. "I may be perceived as cold and uncaring but I can assure you that I am only that way to certain people. I care more about my son than either one of you heartless cretins will ever be able to comprehend and I will not just sit back and watch him being hurt by people that were supposed to care about him. Therefore," His eyes began to glitter dangerously as his smirk widened. "I shall punish the both of you for your actions."

Lucius aimed his wand at Pansy first and began to say "Cruc-" but before he could finish the dreaded curse, Draco had knocked the wand out of his hand, yelling "NO!" 

"No? You wish to punish her yourself?" Lucius asked. Draco shook his head fervently.

"No. I mean you cannot hurt Pansy. I will not let you punish her." 

"You do not wish to see this young harlot receive justice for what she did to you?" Lucius sounded as if he couldn't believe his ears. "Draco, do you feel alright?" Draco stared at him in a hard, stubborn manner.

"You cannot punish Pansy because she is innocent, Father." To say Lucius looked confused would have been an understatement. 

"Just a minute, Draco. When we talked in the hospital wing, you told me what you saw going on between them and I could tell that you were being honest…so exactly how can Pansy be innocent?"

"Because she came in to see me only a few days later." Draco said calmly. "And I found out that she wasn't trying to steal Blaise away from me. In fact, she had absolutely no idea that Blaise had been with anybody except her. He wasn't just cheating on me, he was also cheating on her and neither one of us had had any idea about it until the day I saw them in that room together." Lucius didn't reply but instead stared intently at Draco, then Pansy, and then Blaise, twirling his wand in his right hand. His eyes held a more thoughtful and pensive expression than they had just moments before.

The air was thick with nerve-racking silence until Lucius came to a conclusion.

"Alright then." He sighed and aimed his wand at the still-shackled Pansy, muttering the reverse spell and freeing her from the enchanted shackles. He took a step forward and extended his hand to her. "Please accept my apologies for my near-miscarriage of justice, Miss Parkinson." It was cool and very formal but it was still an apology, which Pansy accepted gracefully by placing her small hand in his and shaking it firmly.

"However," Lucius turned back towards Blaise, who had remained silent the entire time. "I can hardly think of a feasible excuse for your actions, Mr. Zabini, and I am extremely doubtful that either my son or Miss Parkinson are willing to defend you from my actions." He began to raise his wand before stopping momentarily to add in a sarcastic manner "Now…do I hear any pleas for my mercy upon this pathetic excuse for a pureblood?" He paused again. "Obviously nobody wishes for you to be treated mercifully, Mr. Zabini…Crucio!"

At that moment, Blaise's eyes widened in alarm and as the green flash hit him he began to scream in agony. Draco and Pansy simply stood there with triumphant smirks on their faces. Sure, it wasn't as funny as the Viagrus spell, but it was obviously causing Blaise a thousandfold more pain, which, in the opinions of both Draco and Pansy, was what he deserved for toying with them both mentally and emotionally.

After exactly forty seconds, Lucius lifted the curse, not out of mercy, but only because he was aware that over-exposure to the curse could cause insanity and land him in Azkaban once more, which he did not want. Blaise was now breathing heavily, his head limp and hanging down. 

"May I?" Draco asked, stepping forward. He aimed his wand at Blaise. "Serenitio." Blaise went into a deep sleep almost instantly. He turned towards Pansy. "You know what to do now. Don't forget the bond between you." 

Pansy closed her dark eyes, placing one finger on each temple and pressing firmly as her face screwed up in concentration. A golden crown of light seemed to appear around her head and around Blaise's as she concentrated, breathing deeply. A few minutes later, bloodcurdling screams began to echo throughout the soundproof dungeon. Lucius raised an eyebrow in question.

"She's invading his mind." Draco answered, sneaking a glance at the look on his Father's face. "Pansy knows Blaise's weaknesses and she can project them into his sub-conscious so well that they almost become reality. She did this yesterday but with different thoughts after I cast the **_Viagrus_** spell on him." Lucius' face remained almost impassive but the corners of his thin lips curved upwards slightly in amusement.

The screams grew louder as Blaise's body twisted uncomfortably in his sleep. Then, a shuddering gasp came from Pansy as she pressed her fingers hard - too hard - into her temples and crumpled in a heap on the floor, her dark hair spilling around her like a river of black blood.

"Pansy?" Draco brushed her hair away from her face. She was conscious, but she appeared drained of energy. She laughed humourlessly.

"I forgot. I can't do that for too long because it requires too much energy. Pity really, I was just starting to enjoy myself." They both smirked in amusement at each other.

"Ahem." Lucius coughed to gain the attention of Pansy and Draco. Lucius smirked lightly at them.

"Unless either one of you desires to inflict more punishment upon Mr. Zabini here I shall be taking over now." He paused, waiting for a reply. They both shook their heads as an indication that they were done for now. "Good." Lucius tapped Blaise on the shoulder, causing him to come out of his sleep almost automatically. He stared at Lucius, his dark eyes wide with fear.

"Wh-what are you going to do to me?" He demanded, trying not to allow a quiver in his voice. 

"Imperio." Was the only answer he received and instantly, Blaise could feel that happy, floating feeling coursing through his body. Then, he could hear Lucius' voice, but it sounded like a faraway dream.

"Open your mouth and let me feed you this." _No, I wont_. Blaise thought but still felt his mouth opening as if invisible fingers were prying it apart and felt the sensation of a slightly bitter liquid being poured into his mouth and being swallowed. 

"Reverso." The happy, floating feeling of the **_Imperius _**curse was lifted. Blaise felt normal. That is, as normal as he could feel while he was shackled in one of the many dungeons in the Malfoy Manor. But he had enough sense to know that the worst was not over.

"Now, for a test." Lucius said. "What is your full name?"

"Blaise Alexander Zabini." What was the point of this?

"Are you a bisexual."

"Yes." It came out so smoothly and with no emotion. Now Blaise understood. Lucius had forced him to drink **_Veritaserum_**.

"Were you intimate with both Pansy and Draco?" 

"Yes."

"Did you tell them both that you loved them?"

"Yes."

"Did you mean it?"

"No." Lucius' already cold eyes seemed to grow a layer of ice at this answer.

"Then why did you tell them that?"

"For two reasons. One, it makes them submissive to you. Two, I wanted to keep them both because the sex was great." 

"WHAT?" This came from both Pansy and Draco. Though they were both already more than aware of Blaise's ways, hearing that they had been used coming straight from his mouth still hurt. Lucius noticed the furious, hurt expressions on their faces but continued on.

"How long were you with each of them?"

"Five weeks with Pansy, just over two months with Draco."

"How many times were you with them?" Despite his potion-induced state, Blaise gave a wide smirk.

"I was with the both of them seventeen times and ten of those times were within three hours of each other." Lucius' eyes narrowed into icy grey slits as he stared at the exotic youth, then turned towards Pansy and Draco, who were both wearing expressions to match his.

"I assume you are both familiar with the cat-o-nine tails?" He asked. They nodded. "**_Accio cat-o-nine-tails!_**" The cat-o-nine-tails flew into his hand from across the dungeon. 

"However" Lucius continued "This one is slightly different because of an enchantment I have placed upon it. Unless you actually bear witness to the victim being administered his punishment, then his wounds are invisible to you, as will be the blood shed from his wounds. Draco, would you care to deal the first blows?" He smiled cruelly at Blaise as he aimed his wand at him, forcing his arms to rise above his head where they stayed, suspended in the air. Another spell and Blaise was left naked from the waist up, exposing soft, olive skin.

**__**

CRACK! The cat-o-nine-tails landed squarely across the small of Blaise's back, drawing blood on the first go. Blaise shuddered and gasped, feeling too much pain to scream. Draco's smirk disappeared as he bought the whip down again. All the pain, the rage, the pure, unadulterated hatred rose to the surface once more as he bough the whip down for the third time, hot tears pouring down his cheeks like the blood tricking down Blaise's back from the wounds.

"Bastard! Slut! MUDBLOOD!" Draco shrieked, bringing it down again and again. "IT WAS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!!! YOU FUCKED ME UP, YOU FUCKED PANSY UP, YOU FUCKED UP EVERYTHING!"

Finally, Draco began to subside and stepped back, the tears of rage turning to tears of pain and relief. Finally, it was all truly gone from him, and he could genuinely feel peaceful for the first time since Lucius had visited him in the Infirmary. Lucius seemed to be ready for Draco, and was there to hold him close, embracing him and wiping away his tears as Pansy took over, bringing the whip down on Blaise's back with an unexpected strength for one as small and slight as herself.

"Why would you go to all this trouble for a punishment?" Draco asked as Pansy continued to attack Blaise, occasionally stopping to heal wounds so she could start all over again on fresh skin. 

"Because." Lucius answered. "It was in the Malfoy codes of honour, and I have never been one for breaking those codes." Draco raised an eyebrow and Lucius gave him a sideways smirk of knowing. "Also, you know that I would never rest until I was sure that Blaise had paid for just how much he hurt you. It was a complex plan but it all worked perfectly. Even that loathsome house-elf that loves Narcissia so was perfect, which means that that equals one less house-elf for you to kill." Draco snickered, then called

"Pansy, why have you stopped?" Pansy shrugged.

"I've worked everything. Besides, I counted the amount of time I whipped him. Don't you think thirty-five is sufficient enough?" Draco snickered again.

"For our Blaise? I think that not even thirty-five thousand would be sufficient." Lucius stepped forward.

"If you are satisfied, then I think it should be my turn. Miss Parkinson, you are free to leave if that is what you wish. All you have to do is transfer yourself by Floo through the next fireplace you see outside of the dungeon." 

"Actually, seeing as the punishment is yet to be over, I think I may stay around to see exactly how much more pain he can take before slipping into unconsciousness." Pansy answered in a deadpan voice, handing the cat-o-nine-tails over to Lucius. It's thin, leather strips were spattered with Blaise's blood. Lucius strode over to the still-shackled Blaise, examining the lacerations on his back, occasionally running a finger across one of them and emitting a whimper of pain from Blaise.

"How many more can you take before you become unconscious?" He asked, remembering that Blaise was still under **_Veritaserum_**. 

"Thirteen." Was the monotonous reply. Lucius snorted.

"Weakling. When I was your age, my Father punished me in exactly the same way and I was forced to keep count each time until he tired. If I lost consciousness, I was simply revived and we started again." With that, he bought the whip down right across the centre of Blaise's back, emitting a bloodcurdling scream as it lacerated already broken and abused skin…

Finally, after twelve more whips, Blaise did indeed lose consciousness but remained in his suspended position, blood seeping from his numerous wounds. His back had been almost literally slashed to ribbons. Bloody ribbons. Lucius frowned, closing up a few of the wounds, but it was not an act of sympathy or pity. It was for practicality, making sure Blaise did not die of blood loss but would still be in genuine pain for a long time to come. Muttering another charm caused the drying and dried blood to disappear from Blaise's back, leaving only the wounds and scars caused by the enchanted cat-o-nine tails.

"**_Obliviatus Minorus_**!" Lucius muttered, pointing his wand at Blaise once more. 

"What was that?" Pansy and Draco asked almost simultaneously. Lucius shrugged.

"It's a very mild memory charm, and I'm surprised neither one of you happen to be aware of it. It only obliviates parts of a memory that I choose to be obliviated. Blaise will remember a whip, blood and all the pain as well as the nightmares Pansy gave him, but as of now, he will have no memory of Malfoy Manor or of us specifically attacking him." He paused for a moment.

"Miss Parkinson, take Mr. Zabini back to Hogwarts with you. Draco, stay back for a moment, I wish to talk with you." 

Pansy nodded solemnly as Blaise was unshackled and she exited through the dungeon door towards the nearest fireplace, an unconscious and now fully clothed Blaise draped on her shoulder. Now the two Malfoys were left alone.

"Why did you do all this?" Draco asked, his arms crossed casually as he stared at this Father. 

"Like I told you before, Draco, it was in the Malfoy codes of honour and I wanted Blaise to suffer for hurting you. But your suffering became my prime reason for all of this. Seeing how much you were hurting made me decide that I could not rest until you were truly at peace and Blaise had felt at least a taste of the pain he had inflicted upon you." 

"…Woah." Was all Draco said. 

"What do you mean 'woah'?" Lucius inquired, a hint of amusement in his cool voice. Draco shrugged his shoulders.

"I just can't believe you care so much." Lucius raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"What on Earth do you mean? Of *course* I care, Draco. I always have." He exclaimed. Draco looked at him pointedly.

"Well, no offence, Father, but I spent more than fourteen years of my life believing the exact opposite. I mean, you treated me more like a distant cousin than your son." This was said deadpan, but Lucius' sharp ears caught the hint of bitterness in Draco's voice and guilt mixed with hurt flashed through his eyes, but he was quick to mask it. Even if he was closer to Draco now than he had ever been before, he was still instinctively masking his 'signs of weakness'.

"I treated you that way *because* I cared about you." Lucius answered, putting a hand on Draco's shoulder. He felt hurt when Draco shrugged it off irritably, obviously in one of his dangerous moods once more.

"Why don't you explain that to me because it all sounds like a load of bullshit." Draco growled, his bad mood rising. 

If Draco had spoken this way less than two years ago, there was no doubt in Lucius' mind that he would have either beaten Draco severely or threatened him with an unforgivable and the Malfoy codes of honour. But Draco had still been a child back then. Now, he was sixteen, on the verge of becoming an adult, and he had changed dramatically over the years. He had a fierce inner strength within him that in a way, Lucius found himself almost fearing. He very nearly snorted at this. Lucius Malfoy, almost afraid of his unarmed son?

"If I distanced you enough, then you would have left me." Lucius answered. He chose his words carefully, knowing that one wrong word could easily sever the bond he and Draco had forged over the past two years. "And if you left, it meant that there would not be another Malfoy among the ranks of the Death Eaters. The life of a Death Eater was not something I wanted for you and I knew that from the moment you could talk that if I simply told you not to follow Voldemort that you would not listen, because you think like me. What I figured was that if I could make you hate what I once stood for by not being a perfect Father, then, in my own complex, twisted way, I could save you from becoming what I was doomed to become." Lucius sighed, raking a hand through his thick, white-blonde hair.

"I'm forty-three years old, Draco, and look at me. Do I have anything to show for it that really matters? I spent more than half my life following orders from a madman, the only person I ever fell in love with was murdered by the very madman I worshipped, and on top of that, I think I must be the worst Father in the entire Wizarding World."

"Two years ago, I would have agreed with you." Draco answered calmly, his bad mood seeming to subside a little. "But I'm older now, and I think I'm a little wiser. You're not a perfect Father, I definitely agree with you, but you could hardly be the worse, because over the course of this year, you proved to me that not only are you as human as I am, you really do care about me." Draco paused to smirk briefly. "Even if your form of caring does involve making the blood run from my ex-boyfriend's back." Lucius couldn't help but snicker at Draco's extra comment, unfolding his arms as a strange, whimsical look came over his face.

"What is it?" Draco asked in confusion, looking at his Father's expression. Lucius shrugged.

"I was just thinking. You are sixteen, seventeen in February, Draco, and I spent so many years of your life trying to keep my distance from you. It won't be long before you will be too old for you to consider yourself as still being my child. I really think we both missed out on too much, and there is no way that we can ever regain it." Draco nodded in agreement, also starting to feel rather whimsical. "Still" Lucius continued "You are still a child legally until you turn eighteen, so I may as well do my best as a Father before then. I may not be the best Father in Wizarding history, but I know I can be a better Father to you in the short time until you become an adult than my Father was to me my entire life."

Draco smiled and pulled his Father into a tight, encompassing hug, his left temple resting against Lucius' right for a brief moment.

Neither one of them were exactly sure who moved first or why it even happened in the first place, but barely a moment later, they turned heads and grey eyes met grey then closed as their lips met for an unnaturally long moment and manner for Father and Son. Everything seemed to pour through that simple touch. Fire and ice racing down their spines, sparks filling up their bodies and making them tingle, their mouths melded together as they opened instinctively and Lucius' tongue seemed to slide naturally into Draco's mouth like liquid fire, making them both shiver in delight.

  
Just as suddenly, Lucius pulled away, his normally calm, collected expression gone. His grey eyes were wide open, mixed emotions rising in them as he backed away from an equally shocked Draco. Neither of them spoke, the realisation of what they had just done hung heavily in the air. Being bisexual was considered bad enough in the Malfoy codes of honour, but committing an act of homosexual incest, no matter how small…

Without saying a word to his Father, Draco ran out of the dungeon to the nearest fireplace. Grabbing a handful of Floo powder, he yelled "Slytherin Common Room" and disappeared among the flames.

Lucius just stood there, the tips of his fingers touching his lips. That one simple kiss had filled him with so much shock, confusion, and worst of all, guilt. Guilt because not only had he enjoyed the kiss, he wanted to kiss Draco again, but at the same time, he felt disgusted with himself. This was his only son, whom he had remained distant from for so long. They were still forging stronger bonds and anything that happened between them that wasn't purely paternal could destroy their bonds permanently.

Meanwhile, Draco walked back to the Slytherin common room in a daze.

"I know what we did was wrong." He whispered to himself. "So why do I want to kiss him again?"


	17. I've been down this road before

****

BEHIND LOCKED DOORS

WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.

**********************************************************

****

Chapter Sixteen: I've been down this road before

The bond had been snapped. That was only conclusion either Malfoy had managed to come to after partially recovering from their actions. The bond that had been so carefully forged between them had been broken through one simultaneous mistake. To Lucius, this obvious fact had become blindingly so through the letters he had sent to and received from Draco. Less than a month ago, their letters to each other had been like those of old friends, filled with the news of what had been going on in their lives, questions directed towards the reader and a sense of warmth radiating from the parchment. Now, Lucius sighed as he unrolled a four-inch scrap of parchment that Draco's black hawk had just delivered. 

****

Father - 

Just a short message to inform you that I shall be returning home for the Christmas Break. Send my love to Mother.

Draco. 

Short, cold, uncaring. These were their letters to each other now. So cold that it wouldn't have been surprising that they had been written on sheets of ice. 

Lucius sighed again, tossing the parchment into the fire before scribbling a quick reply to Draco on a spare piece of parchment on hand.

****

Draco - 

I will meet you on the Train Platform next week when you return.

Your Father, Lucius. 

Lucius wanted to write more, like he had been able to do so easily not so long ago, but instead found himself rolling up that short message and tying it to the leg of the black hawk standing patiently in front of him. It emitted one short noise before spreading its wings and flying away, back to Hogwarts.

How had the fragile bond been broken so suddenly and cruelly? It was a rhetorical question really, Lucius thought to himself. He wasn't a fool. It was all because of that kiss. That one stupid, spontaneous kiss had broken the bond between Father and Son. That **kiss**. It was so thoughtless, so spontaneous, so wrong, so…

Lucius didn't want to think about it anymore. That little voice in the back of his head was letting him know what he had been trying so hard to deny once their actions had sunk in. That little voice was simply refusing to leave until he had acknowledged what it and he already knew too well. Lucius was swimming in guilt and confusion because he had **enjoyed** kissing Draco. To make matters worse, that voice was continuing to remind him of what he already knew too well. If Draco tried to kiss him again, he would not hesitate to kiss him back…or more…

"No." He muttered hoarsely to himself, hands twisting in his long, silver-blonde hair. "For the love of Merlin, Lucius. He. Is. Your. Son!"

Lucius gritted his teeth, hands twisting in his hair until he thought clumps would be torn out. This was slowly driving him insane. The memory of that kiss. The broken bond between himself and Draco. The dreams that had started to form in his mind that involved Draco and were so, so wrong…

It was all becoming too much and now, Lucius knew that he had nowhere to turn to. Draco had insisted that he would always be there for his Father, but that had been before that kiss. That horrible yet amazing kiss that had made everything seem so right for the most fleeting of moments, but had destroyed everything at the same time, including the bond he and Draco had shared as Father and Son. What could he do now?

Lucius' mind was a million miles away, but his body made the decision for him. He had no memory of fumbling through neatly filed draws until his hands rested on a sharp, light object that had been almost forgotten. No memory of twirling the object lightly in his left hand to watch the sunlight from the window dance off the rubies and flicker across the room like streaks of blood. But he would always remember that searing, tearing rush of pain as he ripped the dagger across his right forearm for the first time in over a year. It happened so fast. Lucius just stared at his arm, an old scar re-opened just below his elbow. The blood was welling up slowly over the wound. There was blood on the edge of the dagger too. Lucius blinked once, feeling numb with shock.

"What have I done?"

The echo of silence was his answer. Quite suddenly, Lucius began to laugh. It was a laugh with no warmth, kindness or humour in it. 

"I really must be losing my mind." He said to himself inbeteween the laughs. "Not only am I talking to myself, I'm willingly going back down a road I never wanted to go down again…"

************************

Green. Emerald green with silvery edges and delicate, intricate lines. Draco ignored the voices of his dorm partners, pretending to be interested in the intricate Slytherin insignia on the canopy of his large bed. He had been staring at it for at least the past hour, his mind miles away, replaying actions past over and over and over that just refused to leave him be…

**__**

…Draco opened the door and was not at all surprised to see his Father wide-awake, sitting on one of the comfortable armchairs in the room, staring fixedly at a silver goblet of some obviously alcoholic blend grasped in his thin hands. Draco noticed with some surprise that he wasn't wearing a shirt. It was very unlike Lucius to go without his trademark high-necked shirts, and now Draco could see why. It wasn't just his arm that Lucius had scarred. His chest was marked too. Some scars barely half an inch long, others running from his armpit, stopping just short of his navel. And many of them had obviously been re-opened after they had healed…

…"I can't stand watching you mutilate yourself." Lucius said hoarsely, staring at the ground. "You have no idea how much it hurts me inside to see my only son mutilating his body!"

"Hurt you? HURT YOU?" Draco yelled. "What about me, Father? How do think it makes me feel that all I can do is stand by and watch you destroy yourself physically and emotionally? How do you think it makes Mother feel that she can't reach you through your depression? That she might lose her husband? How do you think it makes me feel to know that my Father might kill himself if I leave the room for even a minute?"

By now, tears were running freely down the younger Malfoy's face, a rare and painful experience for the both of them. "Please, Father! I'm down on my knees, shedding my dignity in order to help you! Please just tell me what causes you so much emotional pain that you feel you must resort to this?"

Lucius slowly lifted his gaze from the ground to stare at the tear-stained face of his adolescent son. Slowly, he breathed in, then out.

"If you are willing to sit down and listen to the ramblings of a depressed, middle-aged wizard, I'll tell all." He said, pouring them two glasses of scotch…

…"Happy? Well, I guess I should be happy, but I am not. Just a year beforehand, I would have gladly traded my soul thrice over for Voldemort to return. Now that he has returned, I realised that I no longer feel the same way. I have no desire to be the follower of an egotistical, melodramatic madman, regardless of how much I agree with his views. I'm older, sadder and wiser than I was fifteen years beforehand. I found my conscience not long after Voldemort's resurrection and I came to realise that, regardless of how I used to feel, becoming a Death Eater was one of the biggest mistakes of my life." The alcohol had obviously begun to loosen Lucius' tongue.

"Why was it such a mistake?" Draco asked, wanting Lucius to say more. Maybe if he pressed hard enough, he could uncover the information that would be the key to his Father's unhappiness. Lucius stared at his alcohol for a moment, then took a heavy swig of the strong-tasting liquid.

"I gave Voldemort my soul, my dignity and my undying loyalty. In return, he murdered the first and only person that I ever fell in love with." His voice was tinged with age-old bitterness. Draco's eyes widened momentarily in surprise at this sudden revelation but his face maintained its impassive surface…

…"We never fell out of love. I still love James to this very day, but I lost him through my own stupidity and the need to protect him from Voldemort. Instead of starting anew with James, I gave myself up to Voldemort, but it's not as if I would've had a choice either. If I had refused, Voldemort would have taken me by force. Plus, I was young and stupid back then. Regardless of how much I love James, I didn't love his views. Voldemort's words and ways were my life, and I chose to follow them avidly, even after hearing what James had to say on ranks in society and blood. I admit, I did give his opinions some thought, but they made no sense to me. Of course your rank in society mattered. Of course money and material goods mattered. Of course your bloodline purity mattered. How ironic that I would throw away all of these just for one more day with James. Voldemort was the biggest mistake of my life."

Quite suddenly, Lucius reached over and grabbed Draco by the shoulders.

"Draco, listen to me and listen well." His voice carried more than a note of urgency. "You only have a few years left before Voldemort calls upon you to join his ranks. Please, *please,* do not follow Voldemort as loyally as I have done. It will ruin everything in your life. I truly enjoyed my time as a Death Eater, but now I cannot think of anything - apart from living in a society of pure Mudblood wizards and witches - that I loathe more. Voldemort's ways are not for you and I will do everything in my power to ensure that he will *not* ensnare you in his web of darkness and despair. Just please, *please* promise me that you will not be a loyal follower of Voldemort."

Draco stared directly, unblinkingly at his Father, trying to take in everything he had said. 

"I swear, Father, that I will not be a loyal follower." He answered finally, staring into his eyes. He meant every word. Lucius sagged with relief.

"Thank Merlin." He rasped. "Thank Merlin my son has more sense than I did when I was his age."…

…Draco just stared at his Father, feelings of shock and pain coursing through him. Then, quite suddenly, it all became too much, and for one of the very rare occasions in his life, Draco reached out to his Father. Lucius, though shocked at the sudden gesture of affection, took the younger Malfoy into his arms with no hesitation as he burst into tears that soaked the shoulder of his Father's black robes. Lucius didn't cry, but his breathing was in huge, shuddering gasps as he held Draco close, one hand running through his long, pale blonde hair in a rare display of affection.

"I love you so much, Father!" Draco managed to say in-between sobs. "I know you aren't the perfect Father, but I still love you unconditionally. Please, don't ever leave me…don't ever hurt yourself again! I know you say that I'm your reason to live, and it's requited! If you weren't in my life, I don't think I would be able to cope! I know I don't say it or even show it much at all, but I really do love you!"

"Hush…I know, my dragon. I know." Lucius whispered. Finally, the crying subsided, and Draco gently pulled away from his Father's arms. Lucius sighed emotionlessly, pushing silvery-blonde hair away from his face...

…"Draco, if you were hurting so much, why didn't you come to me? I'm your Father. You know I care about you and I'll always have time for you." He reached out and put a hand on Draco's shoulder.

"I…I don't know. I guess I just felt so alone and useless…and…and…" Draco began shaking violently, trying to hold it all in. He had tried so hard to purify himself, to be a stronger person after Blaise. He couldn't let it all go to waste.

"Normally, I would never be saying this where I could be heard, but you don't have to hold it all in this time, Draco." Lucius' voice was surprisingly gentle as he sat down on the bed next to Draco, an arm around his shoulder. "You're hurting, like I was before you helped me. If you need to cry, Draco, then just do it. I'm not going to think any less of you. Just let it all out."

Draco hesitated briefly, then Lucius gathered him firmly against his chest, and Draco began to cry slowly at first, then huge, near-silent sobs that racked his entire body along with rivers of tears that dampened the front of Lucius' dark robes…

…Lucius smiled peacefully at his only son. Draco smiled back in a similar manner before closing his eyes and peacefully resting his head on Lucius' shoulder. This kind of contact would have felt alien and confusing just months ago. Now neither Draco nor Lucius could currently imagine anything that would have made them feel better…

…Neither one of them were exactly sure who moved first or why it even happened in the first place, but barely a moment later, they turned heads and grey eyes met grey then closed as their lips met for an unnaturally long moment and manner for Father and Son. Everything seemed to pour through that simple touch. Fire and ice racing down their spines, sparks filling up their bodies and making them tingle, their mouths melded together as they opened instinctively and Lucius' tongue seemed to slide naturally into Draco's mouth like liquid fire, making them both shiver in delight...

…"Perfect." Lucius muttered, barely loud enough for him to hear before kissing his neck lovingly, possessively. The mere action sent shivers down Draco's spine. He tangled his hands in thick, silvery-blonde hair so like his own. The hands pulled Lucius up to Draco's face for a proper kiss, and Draco relished in that feeling of oneness, unity as they became one in that kiss, their very beings pouring into each other…

"Snap out of it." Draco muttered to himself, trying so hard to deny it. That kiss. How could something so wrong, so sick and twisted and low make his whole world seem right? He shook his head again, a low growl rising in his throat. "It's over." He muttered, tears pricking behind his eyes. "We both fucked up royally." He paused to snicker lowly without humour. "Lust over logic royally fucked up whatever we had." He growled again, feeling the anger at himself rising higher and higher like a geyser, threatening to erupt and overflow before too long. He needed to get away from here for now. Away from where memories and visions refused to cease plaguing his mind. Flinging back the curtains on the bed, he pulled a jumper on over his white shirt and left the dorm without a word or even a glance at his dorm partners. All he could think of doing for now was walking his thoughts away. It had worked on previous problems, so he could see no reason as to why it wouldn't be successful this time. 

Draco wandered in an almost dream-like trance, his bare feet padding softly on the stone and rugs. When he finally came out of his trance, he realised he was at the entrance of the Astronomy Tower. It wasn't exactly the most peaceful place to go, considering the amount of couples that liked to sneak out here at night. Draco felt a small pang as he remembered how he and Blaise had come here several times when they had been together, but he was surprised at just how quickly that pang disappeared. His only feelings for Blaise now were deep-set loathing and disgust, at least when he was actually feeling *anything at all.* Most of the time he found himself to be in an apathetic daze.

Most of the couples preferred to hide in corners around the top or bottom of the towers, but Draco was able to remember one place that people had rarely - if ever - chosen to go in the Tower. On its second floor was a Gothic-style window with no glass, large enough to hold at least three people on its sill. It had been his place with Blaise, but that no longer seemed to really matter to him. People preferred not to go there because Peeves liked to turn up and either interrupt or scare them out of the mood, but he was only there on certain days of the week, and this was not one of the days.

Sighing deeply, Draco lifted himself up onto the windowsill, legs stretched out comfortably to touch the other side of the sill. It was a nice view. The sun was just beginning to set now, and the sky was bleeding shades of crimson, rose, orange and gold. They all melded into each other like many small rivers flowing into an ocean. The sun was beginning to sink low into the horizon, and Draco could faintly make out the shape of the slowly appearing crescent moon.

One hand slipped into the pocket of his pants, and he pulled out a slightly crumpled packet of cigarettes. Lighting one between his teeth with his wand, he inhaled sharply, enjoying the feeling of the strong, smooth smoke travelling down his throat and into his lungs. Keeping the cigarette between his teeth, he began to put his wand and packet of cigarettes away, but he loosened his bite on the cigarette and it fell out of his mouth, landing right on his right hand. A jolt of red-hot pain shot through his arm, up to the elbow and he quickly picked up the cigarette, but not before noticing the small red mark it had left on the back of his hand. 

For some reason, that jolt had been able to stop his train of thoughts, make him forget all of his problems just for one moment, just like his cutting habits had allowed him to do so two years ago. Only this time the scars were more insignificant, and there was no bloodshed. A cold smile stretched across his lips as an idea came to him, and Draco bought the cigarette down on the back of his hand deliberately this time, pushing it into the tender skin to leave its small, circular, burning scar, while simultaneously marvelling at his own emotional weakness…

**__**

Oh poor twisted me 

Oh poor twisted me 

I feast on sympathy 

I chew on suffer 

I chew on agony 

And swallow whole the pain

Oh it's too good to be

All this misery Is just for oh poor twisted me 

Poor twisted me 

Poor mistreated me 

Poor mistreated me 

I drown without a sea 

I'm filled with sorrow 

Once filled with misery 

And hated the deep dark blue

Such a burden to bear 

Poor mistreated me 

Finally reached the shore 

Survival's gone

Now you're feeling cold ever since he was born 

Your pain is so over you 

Finally reached the shore 

Survival's gone 

Now you're feeling cold ever since he was born 

Your pain is so over you 

Could ya be my friend? 

Such a pain to see 

Oh poor twisted me

"Poor Twisted Me" - Metallica

**__** **__** **__** **__** ****


	18. Tense Reunion

****

BEHIND LOCKED DOORS

WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter. 

NB: When Lucius makes a list of party guests, all of the surnames are those of actual Death-Eaters (With the exception of Filch, because I don't have enough evidence to prove that, and Patil, who I assume are a neutral pureblood family). Quite a few of the first names, however, I just made up because I don't know their real names. If you want to find out where I got the surnames go onto 

Also, I apologise for such a short chapter, but I promise that the next chapter is going to be a *lot* longer…

***************

Chapter Seventeen: Tense Reunion

The loud "click-clack … click-clack" noises coming from somewhere out of sight told Lucius that the Hogwarts train was approaching. Soon, Draco would be home once more for the three-week Christmas break. Unconsciously, his fingers rubbed against his left arm where two scars had been re-opened in the past week and he found himself wondering how Draco would react if he knew. Lucius knew that not that long ago, Draco's reaction would have been anger borne out of concern and disappointment. Now, he really wasn't sure what Draco would do. He wasn't sure of anything right now, he mused as the train pulled up to the Platform and what seemed like thousands of adolescents began to almost literally pour out of the carriage doors, some still in their uniforms, and some dressed in more casual attire. Very few, if any students liked to stay at Hogwarts for Christmas.

"Father!" Draco called out to him, one hand raised in the crowd. Lucius acknowledged him with a half-hearted wave and a ghost of a smile as his son quickly wove through the crowds with a suitcase and a birdcage being dragged along with him. He smiled at Lucius, but the smile didn't seem to reach his cool, distant eyes.

"Draco. It's good to see you again." He gave Draco a brief nod.

"Likewise, Father." The tension between them was thick enough to cut. Without another word, Lucius turned his back and began to walk out of the Platform to where their carriage was waiting for them, and Draco followed suit…

As the carriage moved smoothly along the open road, invisible to muggles, Draco and Lucius continued to sit in an uncomfortable silence. Draco stared fixedly out of the window at the gently falling snow. Lucius toyed with his silver-topped cane, staring rigidly at the intricate Malfoy shield that had been carved onto it's top. 

"So…how is Mother?" Draco finally asked, his eyes not moving from the window. 

"As well as can be expected." Lucius answered, still staring at the carvings on the cane, pretending to have an extreme interest in the Latin words carved into the shield. Silence again. Draco sighed. Lucius coughed to clear his throat.

"How have you been?" Draco shrugged.

"Good. You?"

"I'm well."

Once again, the silence took over. Draco was silently cursing the fact that the carriage trip still had at least another twenty minutes. All this cool, clipped small talk was really making him uncomfortable. Searching his head for another topic that would hopefully last longer, Draco found one.

"What's happening for Christmas?" Lucius shrugged, still refusing to look up.

"The usual of course. The house-elves cook expensive dishes and we invite members of our social circles. Everybody eats, drinks, discusses work and dark art business, people will probably end up extremely intoxicated and spend the day after Christmas either feeling sick or sleeping."

"Oh." Draco paused for a moment. "Do you know who will be coming?"

"The same old people." Silence again. 

"Such as?" Draco knew all the answers of course, but right now, he just wanted an excuse to fill in the gaps that the uncomfortable silence was creating between them. Lucius' forehead wrinkled up slightly as he tried to remember all of the names.

"Well, out of the adults: All of the Malfoys. Severus Snape will be there, of course. Rodolphus, Bellatrix and Rabastan Lestrange. Julius and Cassandra Parkinson. Leonardo and Alicia Crabbe. Antonin and Natalia Dolohov. Christopher and Violet Goyle.Walden and Athena Macnair. Thelonius and Michaela Nott. Algernon and Elizabeth Rookwood. Timothy and Audrina Avery. Emmeline Rosier, Evan Rosier's widow. Nathaniel and Victoria Travers. Elias and Vanessa Patil. Oscar and Katherine Filch…I think that's would be all of the adults…no, wait…Victor and Gwendolyn Mulciber will be attending as well." Lucius had tactfully neglected to mention the name 'Zabini' in his list.

"Oh…alright then." Draco couldn't really think of anything else to say and decided to go back to his concentrating of the scenery outside of the window once more. He yawned, feeling surprisingly sleepy, even though it was only the early evening. 

Lucius also took to staring out of the window, though he did it through the opposite window. 

Neither of them were aware that each other's minds were currently focused on the same subject, or that their lives were going to change dramatically due to one mistake at the upcoming Christmas party… 


	19. The Christmas Party Part One

****

BEHIND LOCKED DOORS

WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter. 

***************

Chapter Eighteen: The Christmas Party (Part One)

Draco sat on his new four-poster bed, a Christmas present from his Mother. On the bed in front of him were the many presents he had received from his parents and other various relatives. Expensive, useful things of only the highest quality. Not like the cheap presents that poorer families such as the Weasleys were used to receiving, Draco thought to himself with a smirk. He held up a thick, velvet cape the colour of dark wine. That alone would have cost more than the Weasley house alone…

"Draco! Draco…are you in here, darling?" Narcissa Malfoy appeared at the door, a smile on her wine-coloured lips, which turned into a small frown at the sight of Draco on the bed, still dressed in his turtleneck and black slacks. "Honestly, Draco!" She sighed in irritation. "Didn't your Father tell you to start getting ready for the party nearly an hour beforehand? Our guests are due in less than thirty minutes and we are **not** letting them see you dressed as you are…" 

Draco gave his Mother a rather sheepish smile.

"I'm sorry, Mother. I guess I became rather carried away with all my presents. I'll start getting ready right now." Narcissa smiled and folded her arms, but Draco didn't move from the bed. 

"Draco!" Her voice now had a warning tone to it. 

"Alright, alright, I'm getting ready!" Draco laughed and jumped off the bed, grabbing the green bathrobe off the floor and heading into the bathroom…

*************************

"Good evening Elias, Vanessa." Narcissa and Lucius greeted the Patil couple with polite smiles. Lucius kissed Vanessa's olive-skinned hand while Narcissa extended her pale hand to Elias, who imitated Lucius' actions. Elias was dressed in classic-cut robes with dark red trim, while Vanessa wore a long A-line skirt with a corset, all deep purple in colour. Her long, silky black hair - a trademark in the Patil lines as she and Elias were believed to be third cousins as well as husband and wife - was twisted up at the back of her head with only a few solitary strands falling loose to frame her face.

Behind Elias and Vanessa stood their twin daughters, Padma and Pavarti, who, as usual, were dressed nothing alike. Padma had gone with a similar style to her Mother's apart from her outfit's dark red hue. The skirt was long and A-line, the top styled like that of an Edwardian corset with black trim. Her long, black hair was loose except for the front parts, which were held at the back with a simple, silver clip. Pavarti, on the other hand, was dressed in a more modern style of dress. Her entire outfit was dark pink and tight fitting. The pink silk skirt was ankle-length, but it contained a split extending halfway up her left thigh. The halter-neck top was almost backless, the neckline bordering on indecent save for the sheer pink tulle wrap she also wore. Her hair was styled similar to her sister's, but held back with a gold clip. They, like their Mother, had their hands kissed by Lucius.

The Malfoy Christmas parties were always considered a major event in the lives of the more aristocratic pureblood families. The house-elves were allowed to prepare only the highest quality foods, only the highest quality alcohol was served and only the most select families were allowed to attend. The parties always went on long into the night and fun was always had by all as it was seen as one of the few times during the year that all of the families could let down their inhibitions, relax and forget about life in general for awhile.

Vanessa smiled at her husband as they entered the main room. Several families had already arrived and the party was already beginning to start. Leonardo Crabbe and Christopher Goyle had, as usual, begun to ransack the snack tables for the choicest pieces of food, leaving their wives - Alicia Crabbe and Violet Goyle - to gossip with each other. 

Emmeline Rosier, widow of Evan Rosier, was already slightly drunk and appeared to be flirting with Rodolphus Lestrange, much to the annoyance of his rather pregnant wife, Bellatrix. Marcus Flint - son of Oscar and Katherine Flint and Hogwarts graduate - seemed to be getting **very** friendly with Pansy Parkinson - daughter of Julius and Cassandra Parkinson and current Hogwarts student - who, Vanessa mentally noted, was nearly five years his junior. 

Padma and Pavarti noticed the Nott twins, Lucas and Theodore, talking to Draco Malfoy animatedly. Not wanting to hang around their parents all night, they made a move towards the trio and were greeted cordially. After all, they, like the Notts and the Malfoys, came from a long line of a pureblood name. Their rivalry was almost non-existent outside of Hogwarts and had it not been for the house rivalry inside of school and the fact that both of the other families annoyed the twins with their bigoted opinions on half bloods and muggles, Padma and Pavarti may have considered them as friends.

"So, how long do you think?" Theo asked Pavarti. 

"What do you mean, how long?" She asked, wrinkling her forehead in confusion. Draco smirked in his trademark manner.

"Lucas and Theo are making bets on how long before Flint over there" he paused to gesture towards Marcus with his left hand "will take our dear Pansy into another room for some 'quality time', if you catch my gist." Padma frowned at this but it got a giggle from the gossip-hungry Pavarti.

"What are the bets?" She asked, despite a dirty look from her twin. Lucas grinned

"I have eight galleons that they'll go in fifteen minutes. Theo here believes it will be twenty minutes and has bet twelve galleons. Our dear Draco, on the other hand, is so confident that they will be gone in five minutes that he has bet twenty galleons." Lucas paused for them to take this in. "The betting is still open, of course, so…are you in? Padma continued to frown at him, being the more cautious of the twins, but Pavarti was already opening her clutch purse.

"Ten galleons on ten minutes. My inner eye tells me it will be **exactly** ten minutes." Everybody snorted at this, but Lucas allowed Pavarti to put her ten gold coins into the small box they had all placed their money into…

…Much to their shock (and disappointment), Pavarti was spot-on. After exactly ten minutes of flirting between Marcus and Pansy, the older man leant forward to whisper in her ear. She smiled wickedly and nodded as he took her hand and they quickly left the room.

"The inner eye is always accurate." Pavarti smirked at the guys as she collected her prize money of fifty galleons. "Now, care to make any **more** bets?" Padma smacked her arm only half-playfully. "Ow!"

These betting activities were nothing unusual to them. Being teenagers, they had found it was actually rather easy to grow bored with the annual Christmas parties and, over the years, they had each come up with ways to alleviate the boredom. These sorts of bets had been an idea of the Nott twins.

"We could always bet on how long before they come out again." Draco suggested thoughtfully, digging into his pocket for more money. "I have ten galleons on ten minutes." Despite herself, Padma laughed at him.

"Honestly, Draco! You just lost your first bet of twenty galleons. Don't you ever learn?" Draco shrugged.

"This is petty change compared to the amount in my own private Gringott's vault, my dear Padma." 

"How much **do** you have in that vault?" Asked her ever gossip-hungry twin. Draco smirked and tapped his nose.

"Oi! Less small talk, more bets!" Theo interrupted. "And for the record, I'm betting ten galleons on five minutes. Someone as egotistical as Flint just **has** to be a minute-man." They all burst into laughter.

"What's going on?" Three voices interrupted the laughter. 

The small group turned around to face Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle and Millicent Bulstrode. Crabbe and Goyle, were, as usual, dressed in basic black robes and were stashing large amounts of cake and expensive boiled sweets and rock candy in their ample pockets. 

Millicent, for once, had actually managed to look halfway decent. In fact, Goyle mentally noted, she was actually looking almost **pretty** tonight. Her tangle of dark brown hair had obviously met with a severe straightening charm, because it was now as smooth and sleek-looking as the Patil twins' were. Her robes were a deep royal blue and cut in a way that didn't conceal her slightly ample frame, but flattered her better features, such as her ample bust and hips. A little help from Pansy's knowledge in makeup charms had made her brown eyes seem larger and put emphasis on her 'fish lips', as other boys had called them, making them almost sensual in appearance. Yes, Goyle decided mentally, she **is** looking pretty.

"Goyle? Did you hear me?" Draco was waving his hand in front of the larger boy's face, sounding slightly impatient.

"Huh?"

"Are you making a bet on Pansy and Flint or not?" Draco repeated it slowly, like he was talking to a small child. Goyle glared at him.

"No, I'm not wasting money. And don't treat me like that. I know I'm a bit slow, but I'm not some retard." Draco shrugged an apology and went back to the bets being made. Pavarti, still confident from her earlier win, put in twenty galleons for twenty minutes, insisting that her inner eye was never wrong, while Lucas, deciding to play it cautious, only put in five galleons for fifteen minutes, and the bets were up. Now all they had to do was wait. Crabbe, like Goyle, was not in the mood for betting games…

…This time it was Lucas who won and sent all of the other betting participants an evil smirk as Flint and Pansy appeared after exactly fifteen minutes and he collected his winnings of forty-five galleons.

"Now…you were saying **what** about your Inner Eye, Pavarti?" He asked, smirking as he gave her a pointed stare. She stuck out her tongue.

"Sod off, Lucas."

"Sore Loser." Everybody started laughing again. Flint and Pansy came over to join the group. Flint's normally pale face was slightly flushed and his once-immaculate blue-black robes were definitely a lot messier than they had been when he had first arrived at the party. Pansy's long, dark hair had come unclasped from the back of her head and her purple, medieval-cut robes had a rather…crumpled look to them, Draco noted, as if they had been quickly removed and squashed underneath something, such as two bodies. Like Flint, she was also rather flushed.

"What are you all doing?" Pansy asked. "Have I missed the drinking games yet?"

"Don't you mean 'we'?" Draco asked with no tact. 

"We?" Pansy tried hard to look innocent. She would have succeeded had the Patil twins not raised their eyebrows, causing her to burst into hysterical giggles and Marcus Flint to receive high-fives from all the boys in the group.

"And for the record, Pansy, you haven't missed the drinking games. We were about to go upstairs and start them." Draco said, turning on his heel and beginning to walk towards the staircase. Everybody followed suit without protest. The drinking games were a particular favourite of everyone…

…"So…" They were all sitting on the floor of Draco's large bedroom, a large bottle of straight FireWhiskey and a large bottle of DragonsBlood Vodka sitting in the space between Goyle and Flint.

"So what?" Padma asked, staring at her nails.

"So…what game shall we play?" Theo asked, giving everybody a small shot glass. "Personally, I think we should play 'ButterBeer Race' but it looks like we only have shot glasses and the game's better with large glasses or bottles…"

"We could always play 'Fuzzy Duck'" Padma suggested. She was quickly booed down on the insistance that it was a 'Mudblood game.'

"How about 'Buzz'?" Millicent suggested, talking for one of the first times tonight. Everybody turned to look at her and she shrugged. "It's easy to play. We all sit in a circle and we start from one person, say Flint is the starting person. He says 'one', then we go onto Pansy who would say 'two', and for every number that has a seven in it, or is a multiple of seven, the person says 'buzz', and downs their shot. If a mistake is made, the person who did it has to down two shots and we start again, but we go in the opposite direction from the person who made the mistake."

"I think it's a good idea." Pansy piped up after a moment's silence as she motioned for everyone to form a circle. "We'll start with you, Milli, because it was your idea, then we'll go from your right onwards."

Once the circle was formed, everybody poured himself or herself a shot of FireWhiskey and prepared to start the game.

"One." Millicent started the game.

"Two." Goyle was next to her.

"Three." That was Flint.

"Four". Pavarti said, fiddling with her hair.

"Five." Padma was sitting next to her twin, as always.

"Six." Said Pansy.

"Buzz!" Yelled a confident Draco as he downed his first shot. Everybody laughed.

"Eight." Crabbe said monotonously.

"Nine." That was Lucas.

"Ten!" Yelled Theo, the final person in the circle before they were back to Lucas who quickly said "Eleven." And was followed by Crabbe saying "Twelve."

"Thirteen." Draco said, staring into his shot glass.

"Fourt- ah, I mean BUZZ!" Yelled Pansy. The laughter started up again and Pansy downed her first shot of FireWhiskey, then quickly downed the second shot that Padma poured for her. 

"Making mistakes already, Pansy?" Draco smirked. She stuck out her tongue in reply and everybody prepared to go anti-clockwise.

"Fifteen." Padma said.

"Sixteen." Pavarti said.

"Buzz!" Flint said, downing his shot.

"Eighteen." Goyle muttered.

"Nineteen." Millicent, and now they were back at the beginning.

"Twenty." Theo, of course.

"Buzz!" That was Millicent, who, like Draco, grinned as she downed her shot.

"Twenty two." Goyle said, moving closer to Millicent.

"Three." Flint muttered, not fully paying attention. 

He snapped back to reality when he realised everybody was laughing at him and flashed them a momentary scowl, which, due to the mood of the company, quickly faded to an amused smirk as he downed two straight shots of FireWhiskey and deliberately let loose a loud burp. All the boys laughed and hooted, while the girls made noises and expressions of disgust before picking up the game again…

…Just over an hour went by and already, people had started to become - in Draco's words - somewhat intoxicated in a very obvious way. Flint had gone back to putting his moves on Pansy, whose face held a glassy, dopey expression that was only seen when she was drunk.

"Y'know baby…you were fan-tast-eeek tonigh'…how 'bout you an' me…" Flint leant forward in an attempt to plant a kiss on Pansy's mouth, but in his state, he aimed wrong and kissed her chin, causing her to squeal out loud and the Patil twins to break into hysterical giggles…

"Oi! Back off, Flint …i'sss my turn!!!" Draco slurred, trying to jump into Pansy's lap and instead tripping over his own feet and landing face-first into Flint's lap, causing Pansy, Padma and Pavarti to break into hysterical laughter.

Lucas and Theo were sitting there, each with an arm looped around each other's shoulders, heads inclined towards each other.

"I love ya mate." Theo slurred with a drunken grin as he gave his twin a squeeze. Lucas grinned back.

"Na…I love YOU mate." He answered, squeezing Theo back. 

"Na…I love YOU mate."

"Naaaa…I love YOU mate."

"Naaaa…I love YOU mate…"

Crabbe raised an eyebrow at the drunken twins who, it looked like, would be continuing their pointless little argument for quite awhile. Drunk or sober, he had always been a person of few words, preferring to observe the idiotic things others did when drunk and only speak when he knew that what he said wouldn't be ridiculed…

…Such as Goyle and Millicent, who were smiling drunken smiles at each other, unblinkingly. It was no secret that Goyle had had a crush on Millicent for quite awhile, but he had never had the guts to make a move on her. A small smile appeared on Crabbe's face…This gave him an idea…

"Everybody!" His voice wasn't too loud, just loud enough to get the attention of all the people in the room. They all turned to look at him.

"Truth or Dare anybody?"


	20. The Christmas Party Part Two

****

BEHIND LOCKED DOORS

WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter. 

***************

Chapter Eighteen: The Christmas Party (Part Two)

Everybody except Marcus seemed eager to play.

"Oh, come on, Crabbe! You know i's a little kid's game." He scowled, folding his arms across his chest. Crabbe shrugged, knowing why Marcus was being stubborn in his drunken state.

"What if I said you could go first?" He asked slyly. Marcus' attitude changed very quickly…

"I'm in! …Theo?"

"Yeah mate?" Theo slurred drunkenly, his head resting on his twin's shoulder.

"Truth or Dare?" Marcus flashed an evil grin, revealing slightly crooked teeth.

"Uh…Dare, I guess…"

"Oooh…this will be good…" Marcus' evil grin widened. "I dare you to…strip naked and run through the party room!" Theo snorted.

"Done and done…and I **mean** done!" He was already removing his outer robes and shoes as he spoke. Everybody grinned at each other as he removed his shirt and pants, then his boxers and prepared to make his way downstairs…

"**This** I **have** to see!" Draco declared, getting to his feet and drunkenly stumbling out of the room. 

"Hey! Wait up!" Pansy, Padma, Lucas, Pavarti and Marcus were eagerly following suit as fast as they could without tripping over anything in their drunken states, barely noticing that Crabbe, Goyle and Millicent had stayed behind. Then a piercing scream erupted from downstairs.

"Oh, Merlin!" A female voice shrieked as Theo streaked through the room, nearly falling over his own feet more than once and laughing insanely the whole time.

"Lookatmelookatmelookatmelookatmelookatme…" Theo yelled, or rather, slurred as loud as he could. All of the older women in the room, such as Draco's Grandmother, Desmonda Malfoy, began to scream, while younger ones, such as Bellatrix Lestrange and all of the teenaged girls, began laughing uncontrollably, bent over double and clutching at their stomachs. Laughter was also heard from many of the men, even from Thelonius Nott, who was obviously as drunk as his son.

(Un) Fortunately, his mother, Michaela, who was still fairly sober, cut Theo's streaker rampage short by appearing directly in his path and grabbing him by one arm, then giving his left ear a good twist. Theo squealed in pain, much to the delight of nearly everybody in the room as the laughter increased. Michaela frowned at him, despite the spark of amusement in her eyes.

"I cannot **believe** you, Theodore!" She exploded, giving his ear another good twist for luck. "I know that you are inclined to be extremely stupid when drunk, but **this** is **really** taking drunken **stupidity** to new heights!" Theo just grinned at his mother very drunkenly. Michaela frowned.

"Honestly, Theodore! I should ban you from drinking!" She let go of his ear "I'll let you off tonight with a warning because it's Christmas Eve, but if anything as bad as this** ever** happens again, you can kiss your **all** of your teenage privileges good-bye. Do I make myself clear?" She raised an eyebrow, waiting for an answer. Theodore continued to grin drunkenly.

"Of course, Mother dearest…" he slurred, kissing her hand. Then, with a surprising amount of dignity for a drunk, naked adolescent, he made his way out of the room, followed by his friends, who were all shaking with uncontrollable laughter as they stumbled up the stairs to Draco's room…

…Where a surprising picture awaited them. Millicent was sitting on Goyle's lap, and they were staring into each other's eyes with serene little smiles on their faces. Crabbe was watching them, an identical smile on his face.

"Wha's happen' here, eh?" Pansy asked, breaking the silence. Crabbe shrugged, still smiling. Goyle and Millicent didn't even seem to notice that everybody had returned and were moving in closer towards each other, their heads angled in the beginnings of a kiss…

"Ahem." Crabbe coughed, staring directly at them. Millicent jumped slightly in surprise, bumping Goyle's nose in the process. He grunted in pain, causing her to smile sheepishly.

"Now that everyone's payin' attention" Pansy spoke up - or rather, slurred up -, plonking herself onto the rug "I believe we were playing 'Truth or Dare'?"

"An' it was **my** turn to ask!" Theo piped up, trying to dress himself. After managing to pull on his boxers and put his shirt on backwards, he scanned all of his friends as soberly as he could. His eyes came to rest on a particular girl. "Pansy. Truth or Dare?" She smirked.

"Truth. There's no way in hell I'm choosin' dare when **you're** the one in charge!" She answered, pausing to take a swig of some alcoholic ButterBeer.

"We all know you have a reputation for being rather...promiscuous." He slurred his last word. "So tell us the names of all the guys you've been with and which ones you had to fake it with."

"You can't do that!" Pansy protested, folding her arms. "Technically, that's askin' me two questions. You're only s'posed t'ask me one!"

"Oh c'mon…" Theo wheedled, giving her his best 'puppy-dog' look. It made him look more like a drunken pervert than anything. Pansy stared defiantly at him for a few moments, then took another very long swig of her drink.

"Fine." She giggled. "I'll start from the beginning in third year. Marcus Flint, Oliver Wood-"

"You slept with a GRYFFINDORK?" Everyone but the Patil twins yelled, one of whom glared at her. Pansy shrugged.

"It was at Hogsmeade. I had a bit to drink at _The Hogshead_ before meetin' up wi'friends at _The Three Broomsticks_ because the guy there serves anyone grog, an' I saw him going to the bathroom and decided to follow him in just for a bit of fun and…stuff happened. Plus, he was kinda…sexy, had a girlfrien' an' I felt like stirrin' up trouble... Now, let me get back to my list…Marcus Flint, Oliver Wood, Lucas Nott, Terry Boot, Anthony Goldstein-"

"You seem to like Ravenclaws." Padma muttered. Pansy pretended not to hear.

"Professor Lupin-" 

"WHAT?" Everybody yelled. She shrugged and giggled again. 

"You think bein' a werewolf's the only reason he was fired? 'sides, it was **good**." She paused to remember "Graham Pritchard, Theo Nott, Malcolm Baddock, Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, and tonight, I plan on adding Professor Snape to my list." She grinned drunkenly at their stunned faces. "Well you asked. You still wanna know who I faked it with?" 

The room remained silent. Everybody appeared more than slightly grossed out at the thought of Pansy seducing Snape. Her grin widened. 

"Well, seein' as I'm pissed, I might as well list off who I faked it with. Lucas," Lucas went red with embarrassment and alcohol "Terry, Graham" She paused to grin maliciously at the other Nott twin "Theo and Draco." Draco also went red and opened his mouth to protest, but she held up her hand. "Only firs' time wi'you, Draco. You got better." Everybody laughed except for Lucas and Theo. 

"Now, I believe i's **my** turn." Pansy said, scanning for a potential victim. "Pavarti. Truth or Dare?" Pavarti smirked.

"Dare." Pansy smirked back. 

"Kiss a girl of your choice for one minute…with tongue." 

"You're kidding!" Pavarti giggled, blushing slightly. All of the boys except for Goyle, who was still fixated on Millicent, began to whoop loudly and egg her on.

"Oh yeah, c'mon Pav!"

"Phwaor!"

"Woot! Girl-on-girl action for free!" Padma giggled again.

"Well, seeing as you initiated the dare, Pansy, I choose **you**!" Pansy shrugged, giggling too. 

"'kay then." Pavarti moved closer towards her and caught Pansy's full, rosy lips in a drunken-but-passionate kiss. Their tongues duelled for battle in an almost pornographic manner, much to the delight of all the boys, who were still almost drooling over the sight as the two girls finally parted, and started giggling again, mainly from alcohol and embarassment.

"Now it's my turn to ask." She said. Her eyes came to rest on Vincent Crabbe. "Crabbe. Truth or Dare?"

"Truth." He grunted, playing idly with his bottle.

"Are you still a virgin? And if not, I demand all the dirty details…" Her dark eyes glinted in anticipation. Vincent shrugged.

"Well, I hate to disappoint you Pavarti, but there aren't any dirty details…I'm still very much a virgin." Pavarti groaned, annoyed at wasting her turn. 

"Your turn Crabbe."

"Draco. Truth or Dare?" He grunted, taking a swig of his drink. Draco shrugged.

"Truth, I guess."

"Were you the one who put that Blast-Ended creature in my bed in the Fourth and if so, why?"

"Yup!" Draco answered happily, beginning to bounce up and down lightly on the floor. He was obviously very drunk by now.

"And?"

"I did it 'cause you an' Goyle were excludin' me and I wanted payback." He pouted babyishly, folding his arms across his chest. Crabbe shrugged. 

"Your turn." 

"Alright!" Draco grinned somewhat demonically. "Lucas! Truth or Dare?" Lucas flashed him an identical grin.

"Dare." 

"You have to kiss Theo for one minute…with tongue!" This was followed with a lot of protest from all of the boys in the room, especially the twins.

"Draco! We can't do that…it's gross!" Lucas protested. 

"Mudbloods." Theo gasped, sobering up very fast.

"We are not!" He protested. Draco smirked.

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!

"WE BLOODY WELL ARE NOT!!!"

"You bloody well are if'you don't go through wi'the dare." Draco retorted, smirking as he downed the remainder of what was in his bottle and reached for another one. Unfortunately, because he was beginning to see double, Draco managed to knock over a half-full glass of Diamond Vodka and an empty bottle of FireWhiskey before grabbing an unopened bottle of Alcoholic Butterbeer. 

The twins glared at him poisonously for a moment, then a light seemed to go on over Theo's head and he leaned over to whisper something in his twin's ear. Lucas' poisonous expression quickly changed into an evil smirk.

"Alright. We'll do it." He surrendered, making a grossed-out expression as he leant in towards his twin's face and they kissed each other rather reluctantly, initiating grossed-out noises from most of the boys, and squeals of laughter from the girls. The moment a minute was up, they immediately pulled away from each other, spitting repeatedly and wiping their mouths on the sleeves of their robes.

"If **any** of you ever, **ever** tell anyone what happened..." Lucas threatened. He quickly cooled down and turned towards his twin. "Theo. Truth or Dare?"

"Truth." Answered Theo, who had been almost completely sobered up from that little incident.

"When and with whom did you first have sex? You always refused to answer that when I asked." Theo shrugged.

"Fourth year. You know that blonde girl that Pavarti always hangs out with?"

"Are you talking Lavender?" Pavarti demanded. "She never mentioned you, and she tells me everything!"

"That was her name?" Theo asked. "We didn't ask names. She just started coming onto me around the end of the Yule Ball because her partner had run off with friends. I took her back to the dorms and we had sex. It was a bit short and uncomfortable, but it was definitely sex."

"Well, that explains why you disappeared." Lucas noted. "I guess it's your turn now."

"It is." Theo noted calmly, a smirk beginning to grow on his face. "Draco. Truth or Dare?" 

"Um…dare." Draco answered, not wanting anymore juicy questions. He would soon regret that answer. 

"I dare you to…go downstairs…and…French-kiss the first relative you see!" Draco, in a very uncharacteristic manner for him, giggled.

"Aw…You gotta be jokin'." He answered. Theo grinned evilly, shaking his head.

"Nope. Not unless you're…Mudblood!" Draco snorted, sculling his drink and quickly reaching for another one to drown his senses. 

"I'll show you who's a Mudblood!" He answered, sculling that drink too and standing up. His legs wobbled violently beneath him as he took a first step towards the door and staggered out drunkenly towards the stairs, singing to himself. Once again, everybody but Vincent, Greg and Millicent followed him drunkenly but enthusiastically.

Draco entered and scanned the room, taking the glass of a surprised Elias Patil and downing it's contents in one shot. His vision was a bit blurred now from the heavy amount of alcohol he had consumed, but he could still see well enough to spot a potential 'victim'. It was Lucius Malfoy, sitting in the plush chair in the corner of the room, keeping to himself.

"Father!" Draco yelled. "Father! Come outsi', I gotta talk to you!" He staggered drunkenly towards Lucius, accidentally falling over in front of him and sending himself into yet another giggling fit. Lucius raised an eyebrow.

"What is it, Draco?"

"Follow me, follow me!" Draco squealed enthusiastically, trying to stand up. He grabbed Lucius by the arm and proceeded to drag him outside into the hall. Unbeknownst to Lucius, Draco's friends were all watching them higher up from the staircase.

"Well, what is it?" Lucius snapped impatiently. Draco pouted.

"There's no need t'be so rude, Father." He slurred. "I jus' wanna to give you somethin'…"

"Like what?" Lucius questioned; his curiosity aroused.

"This!" Draco answered, and before Lucius could protest, he had planted a drunken, but very passionate kiss on his Father's mouth. Lucius, too shocked to respond in any way immediately, merely stood there for a moment as his son's tongue explored his mouth, then quickly came to his senses and pushed Draco away, a shocked scowl on his face.

"Why in the name of Merlin did you do that?" He demanded. Draco giggled drunkenly.

"Truth or Dare, truth or dare!!!" He slurred, trying to run away, tripping over his own two feet as he ascended the stairs, and giggling all the way up the stairs. Lucius was simply left to stand there in shock, fingers against his lips.


	21. Regrets are nothing new

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BEHIND LOCKED DOORS

WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter. 

NB: Yeah, I know it's a bit short (apart from the song lyrics), but I promise that I'll make my other chapters longer because I only have a few days before going into the holidays, so I'll be able to write whenever I feel like it for at least the next 5-6 weeks. Thankyou to all who have reviewed. I love you all, even the critics!!!

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Chapter Nineteen: Regrets are nothing new

The morning of December 26th dawned unusually bright for a winter morning; light reflecting repeatedly off the many layers of snow and endless icicles as far as the eye could see. Outside, despite it's chilly, damp air, had it's own uncommon beauty at this time of the morning. Endless blankets of pure, white snow, delicate, dagger-like icicles hanging from the boughs of every leafless tree and gentle sheets of snow decorating the evergreen trees, all of which reflected the early morning light over and over, never increasing the heat but repeatedly magnifying the brightness of the winter sunshine.

This brightness was of no exception to the open curtains of Draco Malfoy's windows. Draco awoke to the overly bright sunlight gliding onto his face first thing in the morning. His eyes, normally clear silver, were unusually bloodshot, the classic sign of a hangover. He groaned, flopping an arm across his face to block the light, not that it would do anything for the rising nausea wave in his stomach or the bitter bile at the back of his throat. 

Then, with an unusual bout of energy for so early in the morning, Draco jumped off his bed and bolted towards his ensuite, hunching over his toilet as he violently regurgitated what was left of last night's alcohol intake. His throat and mouth burned painfully throughout the whole process, his stomach repeatedly cramped then uncramped with each heave, and his eyes began to water from all the pain, blurring his vision.

Finally, the painful process was over and Draco allowed his legs to turn to jelly beneath him as he slumped to the cool tiled floor, his head resting against the wall. He sighed, wiping his sweaty face with a nearby cloth.

"Damn. I **really** should learn not to drink so much." He muttered, trying to smooth back his unruly tangle of hair, all to no avail. Still feeling groggy and dirty, Draco decided to take a shower and stood up to turn on the taps…

…As he rinsed shampoo out of his hair, Draco found himself wondering about last night. Due to his extreme alcohol intake, he found he could barely remember any of what happened. The only clear memory he had was that of Theo running naked through the main room and getting into a lot of trouble with his mother. Draco snickered to himself, wondering just how much trouble Theo would be in once he actually woke up from his place on the floor. He hardly thought Theo's mother would accept the excuse of his actions being part of a dare he had chosen to fulfil-

"Oh, shit!" Draco muttered, suddenly pausing in the middle of applying conditioner. The word 'dare' had suddenly brought back memories of a good chunk of the night, including one particular event that Draco knew he would have been much happier to have never remembered…

**__**

…"Well, what is it?" Lucius snapped impatiently. Draco pouted.

"There's no need t'be so rude, Father." He slurred. "I jus' wanna to give you somethin'…"

"Like what?" Lucius questioned; his curiosity aroused.

"This!" Draco answered, and before Lucius could protest, he had planted a drunken, but very passionate kiss on his Father's mouth. Lucius, too shocked to respond in any way immediately, merely stood there for a moment as his son's tongue explored his mouth, then quickly came to his senses and pushed Draco away, a shocked scowl on his face…

"Oh...Merlin! I **kissed** my **Father!**" He exclaimed, hoping nobody heard him. He doubted it. Most people would still be sleeping off hangovers right now. Shaking his head in disbelief, Draco turned off the taps and quickly towelled himself off before pulling on a black robe and leaving the ensuite. Searching underneath his bed, Draco found an unopened packet of cigarettes that did not belong to him according to the brand. They were most likely Flint's, but that didn't matter. Draco opened the large window of his bedroom to make sure the smell would not permeate the entire room. Taking a deep drag, he inhaled the smooth smoke into his lungs, letting it settle there for a moment before sharply exhaling it out into the morning air. This was done several more time until most of the cigarette was gone and Draco took it out of his mouth and forced the lit end down hard onto the back of his hand, sending white-hot pain shooting through his arm as he pressed down harder and harder, hoping to leave a permanent scar…

********************************

Lucius Malfoy awoke that morning curled up on his double bed with a surprisingly mild hangover considering the amount of alcohol he had consumed the night beforehand. He assumed it might have had something to do with the fact that he had not mixed his alcohol, sticking strictly to FireWhiskey.

And the fact that Draco had almost completely sobered him up last night by humiliating him in front of his peers. He had followed Draco out of boredom more than anything, knowing from past experiences that an intoxicated Draco normally provided good entertainment. There had been entertainment all right, but it had been at the expense of his own pride. Draco had kissed him in front of his friends in a way that was very unnatural for them on more than one level.

Lucius pressed his fingers to his lips almost instinctively. Drunken or not, Draco's kisses had something in them that made them like some sort of drug. Each kiss gave so much pain and confusion afterwards, yet they were worth the pain a hundred times over. Those two kisses alone that Lucius had received had nearly sent him insane with a twisted form of desire that could not be satiated no matter how hard he tried. After the first kiss he and Draco had 'shared', Lucius had retired to his bedroom to relieve himself time and time again, yet even in the throes of ecstasy he found himself unable to reach that pinnacle that that one short, simple kiss had taken him to. The second time, which had been last night, Lucius had hunted down Narcissa and hurriedly dragged her to his room for hour after hour of lust-and-alcohol fuelled passion. They had only stopped when Narcissa had passed out from exhaustion.

It was only then that Lucius remembered. Narcissa was still in his bed. They had slept in the same bed for the first time in nearly a year.

"Morning, Luce." She purred, opening violet eyes, which contrasted strangely with his silver ones. She stretched languidly, like a relaxed feline. "Now, would you care to tell me exactly what came over you last night?" She raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow in question. Lucius chuckled, tracing the gentle curve of her hip with his fingers. "You haven't been that lustful since you nearly succeeded in forcing that Dumbledore fool into early retirement…not that I'm complaining…"

"A lot, my dear 'Cissa." He answered smoothly, eyeing her naked, slender form while doing his best to shut out memories of a drunken kiss 'shared' with his only son. He wasn't being successful so far. "Alcohol, lust…it's been awhile since we even slept in the same bed, you know. I guess you could just say that it all built up until last night until I just couldn't ignore it anymore-"

"And we went on six times last night." Narcissa finished, a glimmer of lust in her violet eyes. Lucius smiled back at her.

"Yes, my dear. Six times." She grinned slyly, moving closer towards him gracefully and either choosing to ignore or, due to her mood, simply failing to notice the fact that his several of his fading scars had been renewed.

"You know, Luce. I've heard that seven is a lucky number…" She breathed in his ear. Lucius silently agreed with her. Maybe seven times could rid him of **that damn** memory of Draco and his kisses just for a short time. Besides, it was rare for him to turn down an offer of sex.

"Why don't we see then?" He asked silkily, pulling her on top of him. Narcissa smirked, catching his mouth in a hot, hungry kiss with way too much energy for a woman who was supposed to be hungover and exhausted for the morning. Lucius returned the kiss with fervour, feeling more than slightly remorseful that his mind was taunting him with images of a adolescent boy with features so like his own. If he pretended hard enough, he could almost believe that Narcissa's full, rosy lips with their permanent taste of chocolate and mint were thinner and cooler to the touch, and permanently tasted faintly of tobacco and smoke instead.

If he tried harder, he could ignore the fact that her hair was too long and wavy and her waist curved inwards just a little too much. She had been blessed with narrow, child-like hips, which made it easier for Lucius to pretend that the hips he gripped and left indents of his fingertips on were male and that her belly wasn't soft and concave, but flat and toned like that of a young male athelete.

As they rolled over and over, fighting for dominance, Lucius found himself almost completely lost in fantasy. If he tried hard enough, he could pretend that Narcissa's legs weren't silky smooth, but evenly covered with the finest, palest hair. Her skin wasn't flawless either if he squinted the right way, but mapped with scars, some off-white, some pink. He could almost feel scars on her chest rubbing against him as he thrust into her, and her chest didn't feel quite as voluptuous when they were in this position. If he pretended more, her gasps were turned into less than feminine moans and her soft, birdlike voice was deeper, smoother.

Lucius moved harder and faster, holding her close to him as they floated higher and higher towards the pinnacle that he had been trying so hard to reach. Narcissa clung to him equally as much, wrapping her legs tighter and tighter around his hips to force him to go deeper inside her, not knowing that to him, her violet eyes had changed to a shade of silver and her hair was looking shorter and straighter. 

He was almost there now, Lucius could feel it. His manner became more savage and animalistic in his desperation to reach that point. He drove himself deeper and deeper with each thrust as he clawed at Narcissa's back and bit into the injunction between her shoulder and neck, finding his face wet with tears that he didn't know exactly why he was shedding. His bites had become extremely savage because Lucius suddenly found himself with the beautiful, metallic tang of blood trickling into his mouth, taking him not only to that pinnacle, but sending him free-falling right over it's tip and, for the briefest of moments as he climaxed, his reality was completely altered as he screamed the name of another deep within the recesses of his mind. Narcissa completely vanished from underneath him and was replaced with a very familiar someone else in the throes of orgasm. Somebody taller with a lean, athletic build and shorter, white-blond hair falling into silver eyes, scars mapping pain and frustration points on once-flawless ivory skin but only making the skin more beautiful, and soft, cool lips that would taste not of chocolate and mint, but of tobacco and smoke.

And in that moment, Lucius was confronted with the truth. He had lied to himself that…that **using** Narcissa in that manner would rid himself of what was just a terrible memory. _Liar. You didn't want to forget. You can't forget even if you really had wanted to. You've fallen for your own son._

****

"And I'd give up forever to touch you

'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment

And all I can breathe is your life

'Cause sooner or later it's over

I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

Or the moment of truth in your lies

When everything feels like the movies

Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am"

"Iris" - Goo Goo Dolls

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	22. Apologies don't make everything alright

**BEHIND LOCKED DOORS**

**WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.**

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**Chapter Twenty: Apologies don't make everything alright******

On the night of December 30th, Draco found himself at home, alone for once in the holidays. Normally, he would be attending parties with Lucas and Theo, or getting drunk at the Hogshead with Pansy and exploring the darker side of Hogsmeade, but not tonight. Lucas and Theo had both gone away with their parents to visit relatives for a few days, and Pansy had not been home when he had tried to contact her. Her mother told Draco that she had left nearly an hour beforehand with Marcus Flint, but had no idea as to where they had gone.

Sighing out of boredom, Draco decided to leave his bedroom and just go for a walk through the Malfoy Manor to keep himself occupied. It was better than lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling all night. As he walked, Draco's hand slid almost naturally into his pocket, pulling out a cigarette. Because he didn't have his wand handy this time, he simply stood on his toes so he could reach high enough to light it on a small lantern hanging off the wall. Sighing contentedly as the smoke entered his lungs; Draco twirled the cigarette between his index and middle finger as he walked-

"Master. You is not supposed to be smokings in Manor." Piped up an annoying little voice. Draco looked down at the ageing house-elf, dislike written all over his face.

"What?" The house-elf, whose name Draco knew to be Clara, put her hands on her tiny hips and frowned at him.

"Would master please be so kind as to be putting out smoke stick? You is not supposed to be smokings in Manor." Draco smiled at her. 

"Of course, Clara. How inconsiderate of me. I'll put it out straight away." The final sentence had barely left Draco's mouth before he pushed the cigarette right into one of the tiny house-elf's eyes. She whimpered in pain, but did not move or make any sort of attempt to defend herself as she knew her place. She still made no attempt to protect her self when Draco grabbed her by the neck and legs, and even when Draco brutally bent her backwards until her spine snapped in two, she still remained subservient.

"Stupid thing." Draco muttered, tossing her lifeless body behind him as he continued on his walk. "Tell **me** what to do in **my** house, will you?"

The walk, so far, was no more interesting than killing time in his room had been. For one of the many times in his life, Draco found himself wishing for a brother or sister to keep him amused, and reminded himself to ask his mother later on why they had not had any more children apart from him.

Lighting up another cigarette, Draco opened a window in a small alcove of the corridor so the house would not reek of smoke, and sat on it's ledge to admire the night view outside. Almost unconsciously – as he had grown so used to this procedure – Draco plucked the cigarette out of his mouth and forced the lit end down onto the back of his hand. Hard. A grim smile etched itself into his features as the pain began to spread from that one spot to all over his hand, and then up his arm-

Footsteps. Draco jumped in alarm, quickly pulling the cigarette away from his hand as the once-faint sound of footsteps down the corridor became louder, signifying that the person was coming closer and closer. Draco poked his head out of the little alcove and saw his Father heading down the corridor, his expression contemplative. He stopped in motion for a moment, and then took a deep breath. His expression changed as he raised an eyebrow. 

"Draco?" Draco didn't answer, not really in the mood to speak to his Father. They hadn't spoken since that Christmas night, and personally, Draco didn't want to start speaking again right now, especially when memories were still fresh.

"Draco? I know you're here, I can smell the smoke, and you're the only person in this house who smokes. Come out here **right now**. You and I have to talk." Still Draco remained silent, wishing simultaneously that his Father would just go away and that he had stayed in his room. He heard his Father sigh in frustration.

"Draconis Consternatius Malfoy!!! I am only going to tell you this one last time. Come out here **right now**!!!" Sighing reluctantly, Draco stood up and left his little alcove.

"Here I am, Father." He said; his voice dull and monotonous as he shoved his hands in the pockets of his trousers. Lucius glared at him.

"Would it kill you to have some manners for once in your life, Draconis?  He demanded. Draco sighed inwardly. The use of his full name usually meant he was in a lot of trouble. "Follow me." He added, and Draco did so without a word. They stopped at Lucius' study. 

"Inside." Lucius commanded, his voice carrying a definite 'no-nonsense' edge to it. Draco obeyed, hoping that obedience could get all this trouble over and done with quicker.

Lucius sat down on the revolving chair near his office desk, while Draco plonked himself into one of the comfortable arm-chairs and reached for a bottle of alcohol. He was quite surprised when Lucius grabbed him by the hand.

"Oh no you bloody well don't!" He snapped, and Draco flinched. To hear his Father swear was a very unusual thing. "**You** are not getting **one drop** of alcohol until **we** have resolved this situation."

"Situation?" Draco raised an eyebrow. Lucius sighed in exasperation.

"Don't play stupid with me, Draconis. I think you know **exactly **which situation I am referring to." He paused, waiting for a reply from Draco. He got none, and sighed again. "I am referring to the way you **humiliated** me in front of your peers at the Christmas party."

"Oh, please, Father." Draco huffed, trying to sound apathetic towards the situation "It was just a joke. We were pretty drunk, and we wound up playing 'Truth or Dare'. My dare was to go and French-kiss the first relative I saw, which just happened to be you. Anyway, from what I can vaguely remember, you came with me on your own free will. You could have told me to go away or something, but you didn't."

"How was I supposed to know that you were going to kiss me?" Lucius demanded irritably. "I was bored, and I know that you can be quite entertaining while drunk, so I followed you out of boredom. I'm not a seer, Draconis, so it's not as if I could predict that you were going to humiliate me."

"Well what's done is done." Draco protested, throwing his hands up in the air. "What do you want me to do about it now? Give blood or something?" Lucius smirked wryly.

"Well, I was going to say that a simple apology would suffice, but if you **want** to give me blood…" Despite his foul mood, Draco couldn't help but smile at his Father's dry sense of humor. The smile then just as suddenly changed to a frown.

"So you just want me to apologise?" Lucius nodded. Draco sighed, raking his fingers through thick, pale-blonde hair. "Well…" He paused for a moment to choose his words "I **am** sorry that I humiliated you in front of my peers, Father."

"Apology accep-"

"But" Draco interrupted, holding up a hand "I am **not** sorry for what I did. I know that kissing you is supposed to be wrong, but I am **not** sorry for doing it." To Lucius was looking confused right now would have been the understatement of the year.

"How can you not feel guilty or sorry or anything like that?" He demanded, finding his tongue at last. "We are **Father and Son**, Draconis. Our embraces – If we embrace at all – are never supposed to be **anything** other than **paternal** or **platonic**. Yet twice we have broken that law and **embraced incestuously**. Can you **honestly** look me in the eyes at this very moment and tell me that you are **not** sorry for kissing me the way you should **only** kiss a **lover**?" Draco looked at the ground for a full minute, a pensive expression on his face as he tried to piece together an answer from the things that kept running through his head. Finally, he looked up, his silver eyes boring into his Father's.

"I can honestly say that while I feel guilty for kissing you because I know I humiliated you and did something illegal in the one motion, I do not feel **sorry** for kissing you, and I know that you will hate me for this, but if I had a chance to kiss you again, Father, I am sure that I would take up that chance."

Time seemed to stand still as Draco got up from his chair and walked the three steps over to where Lucius was sitting and knelt down onto the foot rest that had been positioned in front of his Father. Now their faces were just inches away as they stared into each other's eyes, silver on silver. 

Ironically enough, it was Lucius this time that made the first move. Almost unconsciously, he reached out to tuck a lock of hair behind Draco's ear, then with his fingertips, he began to trace the contours of Draco's face with his fingertips, a hypnotized expression taking over his face. Then slowly, slowly, he leaned in to fill those inches of space between them, and brushed his lips across Draco's, sending sparks of euphoria rushing through his system with that one simple touch. When he was met with no protest, he pressed his mouth against Draco's again, more firmly this time, and Draco responded eagerly, reaching out to run his fingers through Lucius' silken mane of platinum.

Their mouths opened to simultaneously allow each other in and both of them sighed almost silently in satisfaction as their tongues began a battle for dominance that had never felt so right or so natural. Draco moaned softly as Lucius reached out to pull him closer, and found himself straddling his Father's lap in the chair and being almost crushed in his arms as their kiss continued.

Finally, the kiss was broken for need of air and the both of them remained where they were, breathing heavily. Draco then pulled back and stared into his Father's eyes.

"Tell me, Father, how can something be so wrong when it feels so right?" He asked, wishing desperately for a real answer to his rhetorical question. Lucius' eyes closed for a moment, then opened again, and Draco could almost see a veil falling over them to shut out whatever it was his Father had been feeling.

"I think you should leave, Draco." His voice was hard and devoid of any emotion. Draco's eyebrows knit together.

"You can't just get rid of me, Father. You were the one who initiated the kiss, so don't think for even a moment that you can shift your guilt or whatever it is you feel onto me and lose it all just by telling me to get out of your sight."

"Leave." Lucius repeated; his cold, emotionless eyes boring into Draco's. "Leave immediately, Draco. If you do not, I know that I will end up doing something that we will both regret." Draco sighed reluctantly and got up.

"Fine. If this is how it's going to be, then I'll go." He replied, and left the room, shutting the heavy door behind him. However, he had barely made ten steps down the corridor when something told him to go back. He would never know exactly what it was that told him to do it – maybe it was his intuition – but that didn't really matter. Draco sprinted back to the room and slammed open the heavy door, only to be faced with the sight of his Father with an open wound on his right arm, the crimson blood trickling down alabaster skin. In his right hand was the dagger that Draco thought his Father had rid himself of a long time ago, and it too was streaked with fresh blood.

"Father?"

**_"You're too important for anyone_**

**_You play the role of all you want to be_**

**_But I, I know who you really are_**

**_You're the one who cries when you're alone_**

****

**_But where will you go_**

**_With no-one left to save you from yourself_**

**_You can't escape_**

**_You can't escape_**

****

**_You think that I can't see right through your eyes_**

**_Scared to death to face reality_**

**_No-one seems to hear your hidden cries_**

**_You'll have to face yourself alone_**

****

**_But where will you go_**

**_With no-one left to save you from yourself_**

**_You can't escape the truth_**

**_I realize you're afraid_**

**_But you can't abandon everyone_**

**_You can't escape_**

**_You don't want to escape_**

****

**_I'm so sick of speaking words that no-one understands_**

**_Is it clear enough that you can't live your whole life all alone_**

**_I can hear you when you whisper, but you can't even hear me screaming_**

****

**_Where will you go_**

**_With no-one left to save you from yourself_**

**_You can't escape the truth_**

**_I realize you're afraid_**

**_But you can't reject the whole world_**

**_You can't escape_**

**_You won't escape_**

**_You can't escape_**

**_You don't want to escape"_**

****

**"Where will you go" - Evanescence**

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	23. Running from everything

BEHIND LOCKED DOORS

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**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**** To all those who enjoy reading my story and have been waiting for me to update, I just want to apologize for such a long delay. You see, I am in my final year of school, and lately I've just been so busy with trying to keep up with all my work and not fail (My fault. I'm a bad student), have a social life of sorts, deal with my boyfriend breaking up with me and basically try to cope with all the shit that I keep getting caught up in unintentionally, that I can rarely find time to write except in the holidays or after exams (Which just started today…I had a Legal Studies exam!)**

**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: Running from everything**

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Time seemed to stand still as the two Malfoy's of two different generations stood parallel to each other, neither one breaking their penetrating gaze or uttering a word to breach the horrible silence filling the air between them. Blood dripped down Lucius' arm to the floor, a lock of pale blond hair fell into Draco's left eye, and still neither one of them spoke. Draco lowered his gaze once more to the fresh wound on his Father's arm, and then reached out a pale hand.

"Accio dagger!" His voice was quick and crisp, breaking the silence as the dagger flew through the air and landed in his hand. Now his attention was back on his Father. "What, in the name of Merlin, were you thinking, you idiot!" His voice had changed tone, becoming an almost serpentine hiss.  Lucius glared at his son.

"Do not address me in that disrespectful tone of voice, Draconis!" He snarled. Draco folded his arms and snorted indignantly.

"Well how am I expected to address you if you're doing what I think I just witnessed you doing?" He demanded. Lucius narrowed his eyes.

"Regardless of whether or not you approve of my actions, I am your Father, and you are expected to show respect for me at all times!"

"Even when I come across you slicing your arm open more than a year after you told me you never wanted to do it again?"

"I lied. Owl someone who cares!" Lucius yelled, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "And anyway, all this happened because of you, Draco! If **you** had never kissed **me** the day I bought you, Pansy and Blaise here, then **none** of this would have **ever** happened!" 

"I didn't bloody kiss you!" Draco argued. "**You** were the one who kissed **me**!" Lucius snorted in a mixture of exasperation and indignation.

"And who was it that decided to shove their tongue down my throat at the Christmas party?" He inquired, raising an eyebrow. 

"I was drunk, and it was a dare anyway." Draco snapped. "I just apologized for that anyway."

"No, you didn't." Lucius said. "You apologized for humiliating me, but you said, and may I quote _'I am not sorry for what I did'_." Draco remained silent for a few minutes, unable to think of anything to use as a rebuttal.

"Well…" He paused again, thinking of exactly what he wanted to say "Well why did you kiss me just before?" Lucius didn't answer, but sighed deeply.

"Well? Why did you kiss me?" Draco asked again, this time more insistent. Still Lucius didn't answer, but instead sat down on the armchair nearest him, and began to massage the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger, something he usually did to rid himself of headaches.

"Father!" Draco's voice was getting louder and more insistent with every word. "I'm only going to ask you one more time. Why. Did. You. Kiss. Me?"

"I…I don't know!" Lucius hissed, still massaging the bridge of his nose. "I don't bloody know why I did it, Draconis. Alright?"

"No, it's not bloody alright!" Draco yelled. "We keep blaming each other for helping to tear our relationship apart and at the same time, we're tearing ourselves apart, and neither one of us have any bloody idea how to salvage what we've destroyed!"

"It can't be salvaged." Lucius said, voicing the horrible answer that they both knew. "We've gone too far and destroyed too much to ever be able to go back to what we once were, and that's just the way it is." Draco sighed and sat down in the chair opposite his Father, raking a hand through his tangled hair.

"Well…what do we do now?" He asked after a few minutes. Lucius sighed.

"How should I know? I've told you before, I'm not a bloody seer." The room filled with an uncomfortable silence. Lucius stared out of the window to his right, out into the icy, winter night with it's lightly falling snow. Draco stared into his lap and began to fidget nervously.

"We could try to start all over again." He finally suggested. 

"Huh?" Lucius turned his head. Draco shrugged, still staring into his lap.

"We could, you know, pretend that none of this ever happened?" Lucius stroked his chin thoughtfully, remaining silent for a few minutes.

"It's a good idea. At least, it's a good idea in **theory.**" He finally said. "But in reality, it wouldn't work at all, no matter how much we both tried."

"Why not?" Draco argued, looking up at his Father. "I think it would work."

"No, it wouldn't." Lucius replied. "Do you really think things will ever be the same, Draco? What's done is done, and if we tried to start over and live in denial, then we are simply trying to run from the past, and believe me, Draco, I know that you can never get away from your past. You can run from it for days, weeks, months, even years, but it will always catch up with you. I ran away from James, the first person I ever fell in love with, and denied our past to protect us both, and I lost him forever. I tried to run away from my past after Voldemort was first defeated, but he returned thirteen years later and I had to go back anyway and suffer at his hands. Then I tried to run away from my past again when I was brought to trial. I tried to deny more than twenty-five years of my life to a courtroom of people, and I lost and barely kept my sanity intact." He paused for a moment. "And if we try to do what you're suggesting, then it just starts all over again." Lucius slumped forward for a moment, his head in his hands. 

"What is it?" Draco asked, more eager to break the silence that had ensued once more. Lucius sighed deeply and sat up straight, now beginning to massage his temples.

"Sometimes I just feel so old." Lucius said, eyes closed. "I turn forty-four next year, which isn't that old really, but sometimes I feel like I'm older than that coot, Dumbledore, because my life makes me feel so old and tired. Nothing ever seems to have gone to plan in my life, and when that happens, I start running. Then whatever happened catches up to me, and I just start running all over again. It's a vicious cycle, Draco." 

"Life's a bitch, eh?" Draco quipped sourly after a moment, and to his surprise, Lucius actually began to laugh. It was a bitter, cynical laugh, but it was still a laugh.

"Yes, Draco. It really, truly is, especially when you're a Malfoy. You run around flaunting your inheritance, only to grow up and despise nearly everything you become heir to because you end up impoverished both emotionally and spiritually. You fall in love with the wrong people, while being coerced into marrying people you often don't want to marry because it's just the way things are. You consider yourself the master of your own destiny before you get the Dark Mark, only to discover you're nothing but a pawn of the universe with absolutely no control over your life at all. Yes, Draco. The life of a Malfoy is truly a bitch."

They both lapsed into silence. Lucius stood up and walked the three steps that were standing between him and Draco. Draco stood up almost unconsciously, so they were now face-to-face with barely an inch of space between them. 

"I'm so tired of running." Lucius finally said. "I can run for the rest of my life, but I never escape whatever it is I happen to be running from at the time. It always comes back to haunt me. Maybe I should just give in to whatever it is that fate has in for me from now on and stop trying to escape the inevitable."

And with that, he leaned forward and pressed his mouth against his only son's, softly, almost uncertainly. Draco had the time and the opportunity to either move his head or push his Father away, yet he did neither. Instead, he reached out and linked his arms loosely around Lucius' narrow waist as he pressed back gently, his whole body tingling from the physical contact. Lucius was the one to take the next step, his mouth opening slightly and his tongue lightly sweeping against Draco's bottom lip. He was met with an eager response, and they stood there for what seemed like eternity, engaged in a deep, passionate kiss.

"No more running." Lucius said as they finally broke apart, his voice barely above a whisper. Draco didn't answer, at least not in words. His arms tightened around Lucius' waist as he placed a soft, chaste kiss on his Father's bowed head. No more running, and no going back from their final decision.

**_"Time is never time at all  
You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth  
And our lives are forever changed  
We will never be the same  
The more you change the less you feel_**

**_  
Believe, believe in me, believe  
That life can change, that you're not stuck in vain  
We're not the same, we're different tonight  
Tonight, so bright  
Tonight_**

**_  
And you know you're never sure  
But your sure you could be right  
If you held yourself up to the light  
And the embers never fade in your city by the lake  
The place where you were born_**

**_  
Believe, believe in me, believe  
In the resolute urgency of now  
And if you believe there's not a chance tonight  
Tonight, so bright  
Tonight_**

**_  
We'll crucify the insincere tonight  
We'll make things right, we'll feel it all tonight  
We'll find a way to offer up the night tonight  
The indescribable moments of your life tonight  
The impossible is possible tonight  
Believe in me as I believe in you, tonight"_**

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"Tonight, tonight" – Smashing Pumpkins


	24. Midnight Meeting

**BEHIND LOCKED DOORS**

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**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**** To all those who enjoy reading my story and have been waiting for me to update, I just want to apologize again for such a long delay. Being in Year 12 has really been taking it's toll on me, but I can assure you that I have no intentions of dropping this story and no matter how long it takes me, it will be completed eventually. Be prepared for a break in August though, which is when my HSC Trials are. But on a more cheerful note, after this term, I will only have one last assignment, and starting from tomorrow (Wednesday, June 23rd), I only have 11 weeks and 3 days of school left!!!**

**CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: Late-night meeting**

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"This is going to be a very different year when I go back tomorrow." Draco murmured as he sat in the gap between Lucius' legs on the expensive, high-backed armchair in Lucius' study. Lucius laughed lightly, emotionlessly.

"Why do you think that now, Draco?" His slim fingers raked gently through his son's thick mane of white-blonde hair, which seemed to be in need of a cut. Draco shrugged.

"Well for one, for the first time in my life, I'm not looking forward to returning to Hogwarts." He leaned back against his father's chest, gently closing his silver eyes. "It's too soon, really. I have so much on my mind right now, and when I return to Hogwarts, I'll have so little time to think about it."

"Well, exactly **what** happens to be on your mind, Draco?" Draco shrugged again.

"You and I mostly. Our relationship has changed so dramatically in just the course of a few months that sometimes I wonder if this has all been a very unusual dream, and…well, do you mind if I am blunt with you, Father?"

"I see no harm in it." Lucius answered, linking his arms loosely around Draco. There was a minute of silence in which Draco chose his words.

"I've been wondering where you and I stand now. You've already told me you don't want to run anymore, but I admit, I've been feeling rather confused about the whole situation between us." He felt Lucius shrug behind him.

"Well I can't say I'm surprised, Draco. I admit I have been feeling a little confused myself because this has all been happening so fast, but I think I have an idea of where we stand now. Whether or not you agree with me is your decision." Lucius paused to gather his thoughts. "I still acknowledge the fact that you are – and always shall be – my son, but now, I have begun to see you as more. I suppose you would say I see you as a **_lover_**, but I dislike that word as it is so commonly used, and it sounds rather cheap. I love you, Draco; but obviously it's not the same kind of love you would find between a father and his son, yet it's not the same kind of love you would find between 'lovers', because we have that extra bond that lovers do not normally have between them. I love you in my own strange, distorted way that only I am capable of doing."

"Strange, isn't it?" Draco murmured after a moment, opening his eyes.

"What's strange?" Draco laughed lowly, lightly.

"Everything. The fact that we are the way we are now, all the stuff that's happened since Blaise, and that what's happening between us feels so right to me, when society would damn us to hell if they found out about it." Lucius paused for a moment in silence, pulling Draco a little closer to his chest.

"As far as I can see, Draco, what happens between us is only wrong if people find out about it." He bowed his head to plant a soft kiss on the back of the youth's neck. Draco murmured an agreement before twisting around on the chair to straddle his father's lap and lightly nip the very tip of his perfect nose. Lucius rolled his eyes at the action, but Draco could see the humorous glint in them as the elder man's arms wrapped around his narrow hips and crush them together closely in an intimate embrace. A light, almost inaudible moan escaped Draco's throat when he felt Lucius warm, soft mouth alternately kissing and nipping around his collarbone and working it's way up his neck, one of Draco's most erogenous places.

"Merlin…" Draco gasped. Lucius just chuckled, more to himself than at Draco.

"So you're sensitive there too? Must be a Malfoy trait." Draco couldn't help but laugh.

"Maybe so." He dipped his head down to peck his father lightly on the lips. Lucius reached up to return the kiss, only it was longer and deeper this time. Each of them found themselves tangling their hands in thick, white-blonde hair in an almost compulsive manner, loving the feeling of silken strands running between their fingers. The kiss was only broken for need of air.

"What do we do when I go back to Hogwarts?" Draco asked, breaking the relaxed silence between us. Lucius shrugged.

"Well obviously, Draco, we keep in contact through owling, like we always have." Draco shook his head.

"No, no, no. That's not what I meant. I know I'm going to be owling you and all, but what if I want to be with you, what if I want to do…this?" He captured Lucius' mouth in another deep kiss, which Lucius responded to briefly before breaking off to answer.

"Well I'm afraid that you shall have to wait until the next holiday break, or at least until you are able to visit Hogsmeade and I am able to meet you there." Draco frowned, a fine line cutting between his pale eyebrows.

"But that means not being able to see you for weeks at the very least." He complained, allowing a slightly whiny tone to creep into his voice. Lucius rolled his eyes.

"It's called 'self-control', Draco, and I think it would do you good to learn it." He replied with a very straight face. Draco pouted, causing Lucius to frown. He hated pouting.

"But I'm sixteen, nearly seventeen. I can't help the fact that because I'm male, I'm at my sexual peak and my hormones wreak havoc with my body and my mind, therefore causing me to be very fond of sexual contact!" Like Lucius, Draco managed to say this with a straight face, which was probably what had made Lucius laugh so much at his son's little outburst.

"Oh honestly, Draco. It's only going to be a few weeks until we can see each other again, I'm sure you can learn a little self-control in that time and find other alternatives in which you can vent your pent-up sexual frustration." Draco laughed at this. "And besides" Lucius added "There is more to a relationship than just the physical aspects, and I'm sure you have learnt that over the years."

"True." Draco agreed. "But still, not having you near me whenever I want is definitely going to suck." There was another long, comfortable pause before Lucius gave him a nudge.

"Come along now, Draco. It's very late and you have to be up early tomorrow for the train." Draco sighed a touch reluctantly.

"Alright. See you in the morning, Father."

****

For once, Draco found that saying good-bye to his father to return to Hogwarts was actually rather difficult. The good-bye was short and to the point, as neither one of them particularly enjoyed making public scenes. After all, they may have formed a special bond of sorts, but that didn't change the fact that they were still Malfoys. Lucius, for once, stayed around until Draco boarded the train, a new action for him, as prior to this Christmas break, Lucius normally left the moment Draco found someone to socialize with.

**_But things have really changed now_** Draco thought, allowing a small smile to grow on his face as he strode silently through the train carriage, looking for an empty carriage. He had no idea just how many changes would be in store for the remainder of this schooling year, or for his seventh and final year.


	25. Changes

**BEHIND LOCKED DOORS**

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**WARNING:**** Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this actually a story with a plot, not plotless homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.**

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:** **Once again, I have had quite a delay between my updates, and I apologise as my life and my schooling (HSC and trials can bite my bum!) have a nasty habit of getting in the way. But here's the new chapter, and guess what? I officially finish school on September 24th!!! But then I have to do some studying, my HSC, sign out of school, my Year 12 formal, and I'm moving in with my Dad, so until sometime in November, my updates might be absent until I have free time once more. My apologies for those who are annoyed by this!!!**

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: Changes**

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The first few weeks back at Hogwarts were pretty much uneventful as far as Draco could see. Classes came and went as they normally did, the Gryffindors were as irritable and unlikeable as they normally were, but he had begun to notice changes among his fellow Slytherins, himself included.

The first change he had noticed had been on a Thursday, probably around two or three in the morning. Once more, insomnia had taken a hold of his body, so Draco had decided to go and sit by the fireplace in the common room, figuring that maybe he could be lulled to sleep by the heat of the enchanted fire. 

"You can't sleep either?" Said a voice as he entered the room. It was Pansy Parkinson, sitting on the Persian rug near the fireplace, her knees drawn up to her chest. He plodded over to where she was sitting and sat down next to her.

"Obviously not." She smiled.

"So what's keeping you up, Dragon-boy?" Draco couldn't help but smile at Pansy's use of her old nickname for him. He shrugged.

"I guess you call it a culmination of cigarettes, schoolwork and too much thinking."

"What's on your mind?" Draco frowned, a fine line cutting between his pale brows.

"A lot of things, to be perfectly honest. Mostly I've been thinking about what's going to happen to me once I graduate from Hogwarts. I know Voldemort is expecting my father to bring me to him to receive the Dark Mark, and I've been worrying about it because my father sent me an owl during the week saying that Voldemort may want to initiate me before I graduate instead of on my eighteenth birthday."

"You're excited?" Draco shook his head, and as he did, noticed a flash of surprise in his friend's eyes. "But isn't this what you've always dreamed of, Draco? You've been talking about this since we started Hogwarts. Don't tell me you've suddenly decided to become a Mud-blood lover." He snorted.

"Not a chance. I hate them as much as I ever have, Pansy, and I shall celebrate the day of their annihilation as much as any Death Eater, but Voldemort is a failure, and a dangerous, foolish one at that. He promises us so much, but have we ever really received anything that he promised? My father has blindly followed him from the age of sixteen, and all he has ever gotten in return for his unwavering loyalty is nearly three decades of pain and misery. He nearly went mad in Azkaban, and I don't recall Voldemort ever attempting to rescue any of his followers that have been to Azkaban. He demands our souls, and more often than not, our lives. But do we ever receive anything in return apart from a life of pain, misery and never-ending hard work?"

"I see your point, Draco, but it's not as if you have a choice in the matter, do you?" Pansy's voice was soft. "I suppose it might be a little consolation for you to know that you aren't the only one who feels that way. A lot of us are starting to see Voldemort in a new light ever since his demise and eventual resurrection, and not just those in our generation."

"I know…my father is one of those people." Pansy pursed her full lips thoughtfully.

"You know, Draco, maybe it's just me talking, but it seems to me that your relationship with your father has gone through some fairly dramatic changes since the beginning of this year. You had almost no relationship with him at all before we came to Hogwarts, you seemed to idolize and fear him simultaneously up until sometime until our Third Year, you went through phases of loving him dearly one minute and despising him the next through the Fourth and Fifth, and now you have a relationship with him that most of us would kill to have with our parents."

**_I don't think you would be saying that if you could see what we have behind locked doors…_** Draco thought to himself. He possessed the logic to keep that thought to himself, choosing to just shrug.

"We've all gone through our own sorts of changes, Pansy."

"Hmm…I guess so." She lifted a hand to rake through her ebony locks, and it was in that moment that Draco saw something on her hand glint from the light that was coming from the fireplace.

"What's that?" He asked, nodding towards the hand. She raised an eyebrow.

"Are you referring to this?" She held out her hand to him. On the third finger of her right hand was a thin platinum ring with a nicely sized marquise-cut diamond as it's main feature, flanked by tiny emeralds. "I've been wearing it all week, you know, and you haven't noticed it at all. Funny, huh?"

"Where did you get it?" Pansy smirked.

"I think you mean 'Whom did you get it from', Draco. It's my engagement ring." Draco's brows knitted together.

"You're engaged? To whom?"

"Marcus Flint, can you believe it? He asked me to marry him just after Christmas. It was all very sudden, and a bit strange. I only got my ring at the beginning of the week though. He took me shopping for it during the winter break so I could find one that I liked, but we couldn't find the right one for me in any shops. Then I came across this one in a Catalogue from Ireland and fell in love with it, so he promised to order it for me."

"Well…congratulations, Pansy." Draco said warmly, giving the petite Slytherin a genuine smile. "Does anyone else here know about your engagement yet?" She nodded.

"Mili knows, but that's about it. She's promised not to say anything because we wanted to keep it a secret until we can get all our friends together and announce it. I'm thinking that maybe we can all get together at Hogsmeade next week and then he and I can tell you all together."

"That sounds like a good idea, and you don't have to worry, I won't say a word either." Draco finished his sentence with a yawn, realizing that his insomnia had finally started to go away. "Well it looks like you're going to be left out here alone, Pans. I'm off to bed now, and congratulations again."

"Thank you, and sweet dreams, dragon-boy."

Draco fell asleep pretty much the moment his head touched his pillow, and slept a dreamless sleep until the seven o' clock morning bell went off to signify that it was time for them to awaken for yet another day if schooling. He noted, with mild interest, that his friends were still ignoring Blaise Zabini. The exotic youth had become a pariah in his own house, and things didn't seem to be changing for him.

They did however; appear to be changing for one Gregory Goyle, who seemed to be in unusually high spirits as of late. Not only did he seem to have a permanent smile plastered on his normally blank face, he had also started to take more care with his appearance. Draco and Theo walked in on him shaving in the bathroom and whistling a Weird Sisters song; much to their surprise. Goyle normally wasn't a morning person at all.

"You get laid or something last night, Greg?" Theo piped up, a sly grin on his face. Goyle ignored him and continued to shave away at the lather on his face, still whistling merrily.

"What are you so happy about, Goyle?" Draco asked, grabbing a towel to go into the showers. "Been stealing from the kitchens again?" The only reply he received was Goyle sending a rude hand gesture in his direction with his free hand before splashing his face with what looked like aftershave and exiting the room. He was already fully dressed.

By the time Draco and Theo had made it downstairs, most of the other Slytherins were already at the table, digging into plates piled with toast, waffles, pancakes, and for those who preferred it, bowls of cereal. As per usual, Draco found a seat between Crabbe and Pansy, while Theo took his usual place next to his twin, Lucas.

"Morning, Dragon boy. Pass the coffee jug." Was Pansy's greeting to him. Draco obliged and passed the heavy, white jug over to her along with the plate that contained the milk and sugar. Pansy rarely ate breakfast, but was a self-confessed coffee addict. Draco then proceeded to help himself to the hot, buttered toast on the platter in the middle of the table.

It only seemed like seconds later that the bell signifying the end of breakfast and the beginning of the first class rang, and the room began to rapidly empty of both teachers and students. Draco walked with Pansy, Lucas and Theo to Transfiguration.

"What do you think we'll be doing today?" Lucas pondered out loud. His three companions shrugged.

"Maybe we'll get to change our desks into pigs or something weird like that." Pansy suggested.

"Speaking of weird," Draco piped up "Did anybody notice that Goyle has been acting rather strangely ever since the semester started?"

"Well that depends…what do you mean by 'rather strangely'?" Lucas asked. Draco shrugged as they came to the classroom door.

"He's been taking extra care in his appearance, you know, using hair gel and making sure his robes are perfect in the morning, he disappears sometimes during the afternoon and evening with no explanation, and Theo and I found him **humming** of all things in the bathroom this morning, and we all know how grouchy he normally is in the morning." As Draco finished his little rant, he noticed Lucas and Pansy exchange a brief, almost knowing glance with each other.

"Hang on a moment." Draco grabbed the two of them by the backs of their robes. "You two both know something I don't know. Come on, what are you two hiding from me?" They both sent him almost identical smirks.

"Are you telling us that you haven't figured it out? Haven't you even noticed the clues? It's so obvious!" Pansy's smirk widened rapidly. Draco responded with a look that seemed to be a mixture of annoyance and cluelessness, and the two Slytherins began to laugh at him.

"What? What is it?" Draco demanded, feeling the growing frustration at being left out. Lucas grinned.

"I figured it out in the first week back, Draco. Goyle has a girlfriend, that's why he's been going through such a change from the Goyle that we've all become used to knowing."

"You don't say?" Lucas and Pansy both nodded.

"I'll tell you more later on, if you want." Pansy offered as she sat down near the back of the classroom and patted the seat next to her. Draco sat down next to her, while Lucas took a seat in the row in front of them. The classroom then began to quickly fill up with a combination of Ravenclaw and Slytherin students as Professor McGonagall swept into the class and took her place up at the front of the room.

"Good morning, class. Today we shall be doing a particularly difficult form of transfiguration. I shall be teaching you all how to transfigure the eggs that Mr. Boot is passing out, into live chickens. To do this, you must do exactly as I do."

Giving her wand a diagonal flick, she said "Ovumus Pullus", and her egg was transfigured into a live, baby chicken. "I don't expect you to get it right on the first go or even today, but don't worry, I admit it is quite an advanced level of magic, and I have taken the liberty of making sure that we have spare eggs if anything goes wrong."

Soon, all of the students were intensely involved in trying to master this new form of transfiguration. Three of the Ravenclaws – One was Padma, and the other two were a boy and a girl that Draco couldn't remember the names of – got it right on the second try and proceeded to help out those that were near them. Lucas got it right on the third try and then proceeded to turn around to face Draco and Pansy while swapping back and forth between egg and chicken and smirking and sticking out his tongue in an unusual display of immaturity - for him - as they both continued to get it wrong.

Goyle and Millicent were sitting in the same row as Lucas, but on the other side of the room, and both valiantly trying to get their eggs to transfigure into chickens. Draco couldn't help but wonder why either one of them had even bothered to continue with Transfiguration, as neither one of them had ever been very good at it, but then, it was one of the only compulsory subjects for the sixth and seventh year, including Potions and DADA.

He couldn't help but also notice the unusual body language between the two, as Draco had always been good at reading into a person's body language. There was just something about the way they were sitting just a little too close together, and the way in which they each seemed so focused on getting their spells right. Once or twice, either their forearms or their hands would brush against each other, and Draco also noted the short, intense looks they gave to each other when they thought nobody was looking. It wasn't hard for him to put the pieces together.

"Would I be right in assuming that Gregory Goyle's reason for his strange behaviour as of late is none other than Millicent Bulstrode?" He whispered to Pansy when McGonagall was busy with a student up the front of the class.

"Now what do you think, dragon boy?" She whispered back, a cross between a smirk and a smile on her lips. She knew that he was asking a rhetorical question.

By the end of the lesson, at least half of the class had managed to succeed, though Pansy, Millicent and Goyle were not among them, but none of them had really been that disappointed. After all, it **was** a difficult task, and they each had other tasks in which they did much better.

As the group of sixth-year Slytherins began to split into smaller groups to head off to their separate classes, none of them had been even slightly aware of the venomous glare that one particular Slytherin outcast had been sending their way throughout the entire lesson.


	26. A trip to Hogsmeade

**BEHIND LOCKED DOORS**

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**WARNING:**** Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this actually a story with a plot, not plotless homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.**

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**** I know I've been having gaps between my updates, and I'm sorry, but I'm still a very busy girl. I'm in the middle of my HSC at the moment (Three exams done, three to go. I have my Ancient History exam this Thursday, and my Legal Studies and IT ones next week, so wish me luck), plus there's been a lot of stuff going on in real life that's kinda kept me from working on any of my stories for more than a few hours at a time. Anyways, here's the next chapter, and I hope you all like it :-)**

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: A trip to Hogsmeade**

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Draco wandered aimlessly through the streets of Hogsmeade, knowing that he didn't have to be meeting with his friends in The Three Broomsticks for another half-hour. He was also planning on meeting with his father after meeting up with his friends, but until then, he had some time to kill. So he decided to go to The HogsHead in order to grab a drink and stock up on his cigarette supply. While it wasn't the nicest place to go to, it was a well-known (But rarely talked about) fact that the bartender who worked there would supply underage people with alcohol, and also supplied cigarettes (As far as the owner – whose name was Guil – was concerned, business was business, money was money, and age was unimportant), which had become surprisingly popular in the wizarding world considering the fact that they were a Muggle product. Better still, the place had a tendency to remain rather empty until the later hours of the evening and night. It was only early in the afternoon at the moment.

"Hello, Mr. Malfoy." The owner – and main bartender – greeted him in a heavy Welsh accent. "What can I be doing for you today?"

"Good afternoon, Guil. The usual, if you don't mind." Guil gave him a wry smirk as he placed what Draco referred to as 'The usual' on the bar. A glass of DragonsBlood Vodka mixed with orange juice, and two packets of Benson and Hedges Cigarettes, Extra Mild.

"You do know that those cigarettes are really bad for you." Draco shrugged, and handed over the money to Guil before sitting down and taking a deep swig of his drink.

"All the things that we enjoy in life are bad for us, so why care?" He retorted, a light smirk on his lips. Guil couldn't help but laugh.

"Very true, Mr. Malfoy. So drink, smoke and make the most of your life, for all you know you could die tomorrow." Draco's smirk widened as he raised his glass to the normally quiet bartender and took another swig. The vodka was hitting his system pretty fast, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth, but a warm rush through his body. The taste in his mouth was quickly sedated by the lighting of a cigarette. Before long, he had finished his drink, smoked two cigarettes and decided that he should be on his way.

"I'll see you in about a week, Guil."

"Until then, Mr. Malfoy."

It was a slightly happier and more 'buzzed' Draco that left The Hogshead, still having fifteen minutes to kill. He decided to go to The Three Broomsticks anyway and wait for his friends. The atmosphere there was a little more pleasant than The Hogshead, even if they didn't serve alcohol to minors. They at least allowed smoking, which was enough to satisfy Draco.

As he entered the place, Draco idly scanned the room for a familiar face. He spotted Lucas and Theo sitting at a table together with what looked like an unusually large pile of sweets from Hogsmeade on the table.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" He said in a mockery of Professor Snape's menacing tone. Lucas merely raised an eyebrow at the pale-blond youth, while Theo turned around and waved merrily, using his spare hand to stuff what looked like the remains of a sugar quill in his mouth. Draco raised an eyebrow at the both of them as he plunked himself down on one of the spare chairs at the table. "So tell me exactly where you got all of this. Did you both suddenly get money from your relatives and go on a mad shopping spree in Honeydukes?" Lucas smirked.

"I guess you could say that." He said. His eyes darted around, making sure nobody was listening, then he leaned in and beckoned Draco to do the same. "But if you want the full story," He said, his voice dropping to a barely inaudible whisper "Theo and I were a little bored so we both came up with the idea of seeing how much stuff we could raid from Honeydukes…With a little help from spells and extra pockets, of course."

"And now we're going to eat and eat until we can't stand the sight of this stuff anymore." Theo chimed in merrily, handing Draco a handful of chocolate frogs and using his other hand to grab a pumpkin pasty. Lucas snickered and opened up what looked like a box of charmed chocolates.

It only seemed like a few minutes before their friends began pouring in, all in little bunches. Pansy and Marcus were the first to arrive, followed not long after by Crabbe, Goyle and Millicent followed arm-in-arm, then Padma on her own, but Pavarti followed not long after, also alone for once. All of them grabbed chairs from empty tables and pulled them all to the table where Draco was sitting with the Nott twins.

"So tell us, Marcus." It was Crabbe who broke the silence. "Why did you insist that we all meet up here at the same time? Maybe you have something to tell us?" That was a lot coming from Crabbe, taking into consideration the fact that he was known amongst the Slytherins as 'a man of few words, who only spoke when he found it to be beneficial'.

"Correct." Marcus' pale face had broken into a surprisingly wide smile that was considered unusual for him. He paused for a moment. "Well, almost correct. You see, I'm not the only one who wishes to break news to all of you." Using his free hand, he pulled Pansy – who was sitting on his right-hand side – to her feet. "Come on, Pansy. You have to let them know too."

Pansy smiled in what was an uncharacteristically shy manner for her, then held up her hand to reveal the beautiful ring she had shown Draco only a week beforehand. Grins split the faces of all the boys at the table, and squeals were emitted from all of the girls, with the exception of Padma, who just smiled as widely as the boys.

"I asked Pansy to marry me the day after Christmas." Marcus said, the wide smile never leaving his face.

"And now we plan on getting married after graduation." Pansy added, her smile as wide as Marcus'.

Within the fraction of a second, the table was alive with noise – squeals of joy from all of the girls, and whoops of joy from all of the boys. Marcus was bombarded with slaps of congratulation on his back from all the guys, and near-suffocating hugs from all of the girls. Pansy in turn was trapped in a group hug from all of the girls as well as demands to have a closer look at her ring so it could be complimented and stared at with awe, while all of the boys proceeded to each give her a friendly, one-armed hug combined with a peck on the cheek.

Once all of the noise had started to calm down, the small group then sat back down. Some of them lit up cigarettes while Marcus then proceeded to shout everybody a round of FireWhiskey – Not just to celebrate, but also because he was the only one of them that was old enough to buy alcohol – before Pansy shouted a round of Butterbeers.

Before they knew it, more than two hours had gone by, and Draco realized that if he didn't leave very soon, he would be late in meeting up with his father. His father was a stickler for punctuality. After explaining that he had some family business he remembered he had to attend to while in Hogsmeade, he congratulated his two friends on their engagement once more before saying goodbye to the group and leaving The Three Broomsticks.

"Arriving right on the stroke of five 'o' clock, I see." Was the greeting he received on his second arrival at The HogsHead. Lucius was sitting in one of the little corner booths, nursing what appeared to be a glass of FireWhiskey.

"Hello, Father." Draco greeted him, sliding into the booth. "I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier, but-"

"It's perfectly alright, Draco." Lucius interrupted, raising a thin, white hand for silence. "You were here on time, and that's all that matters. I came a little early anyway so I could have a drink. Would you like me to order you one as well?" Draco nodded in acquiescence, deciding for some reason that it would be wiser not to mention that he had already started drinking that day. His Father turned and called for Guil to bring an alcoholic ButterBeer to the table, then turned back to Draco.

"So I trust that things have been going well for you at school?" His voice was unusually soft and earnest. Draco pursed his lips and shrugged.

"It could be worse. To be honest, Father, there's been a lot of changes going on around me that I've started to notice. I guess that most of them are good. Goy- ah, I mean Gregory and Millicent are together now, and they both seem to be a lot happier because of it, which I'm actually glad of. Marcus and Pansy are engaged now as well. That's the reason I was late. They asked for all of us to meet at The Three Broomsticks so they could announce it, and we were celebrating." A light smile played on Lucius' lips as Draco recounted all of this.

"That's all very well, Draco, but what I'm _mostly_interested in is how _your _life has been going ever since you returned to school. Are you happy? Have you run into any problems in particular? Do you think you are going well in your subjects?" Draco paused for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts and come up with a proper answer while he took a swig of his drink.

"I _guess_ I'm happy. I mean, I'm not particularly sad or depressed at the moment, but I do still have my insomnia, and that can be a bit of a pain at times. When it comes to problems, my biggest problem seems to be the fact that I miss being around you." His voice dropped to an almost inaudible whisper. "I really would like to be around you more often, Father, and I'm sure that you feel the same way. It's nice to be able to meet up with you at Hogsmeade, but that's not the kind of meetings I like. I want to be able to meet up with you away from prying eyes and inquisitive ears, but somehow I don't think that it's going to happen unless you or I can create another special portkey for a place where we can be alone." There was a moment of silence after Draco finished talking. It wasn't an uncomfortable one, more like a silence in which you can tell that the people it is between are both deep in thought.

"Well, I don't see why I can't do that all over again." Lucius said, breaking the silence. "It will take me a few days – after all, I do have to go to work, and that cuts into my time – but once I am finished, I shall Owl you the Portkey with a letter explaining how it works." Draco smiled.

"That sounds like a plan to me."

After that, they continued to talk idly about other things that came to mind, such as what Draco planned on doing after he would no longer be in school, what they had both been up to since they had last contacted each other, and the usual banter that a father and son had. But for Malfoys, they were not being particularly observant that day. Had they both been their usual observant selves, maybe they would have noticed that **not only** had Draco been followed to The HogsHead, but that they were also being spied on by none other than Blaise Zabini, Slytherin pariah.

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	27. Contemplations of the Slytherin Pariah

**BEHIND LOCKED DOORS**

**WARNING:**** Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this actually a story with a plot, not plotless homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.**

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: ****Back again, and it didn't take as long as I thought it would!!! In fact, I actually managed to write this chapter in about one hour, and I hope you all like it. I've been through quite a few changes in my life since the last chapter!!! I've now officially finished my HSC and High School, my course starts next March, I've moved in with my Dad (Poor Mum was upset on the day, but I still see her as often as I can), and Xmas is in less than two weeks (Then a month after that, I'm finally 18!!! Yay!!!)**

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**CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: Contemplations of the Slytherin Pariah**

Blaise Zabini lay flat on his back on his large bed in the Slytherin dorm, deep in thought. It was a Wednesday afternoon, four days since he had spied on Draco and his Father meeting up at the Hogshead, hopeful to find a weakness in Draco that could be used to his own advantage.

He shifted to sit up against the back of his bed, and winced as he rubbed the scars on his back a little too roughly against the bedclothes. He reached a hand behind his back to rub some of the many scars in a comforting gesture, and not for one of the first times, he found himself wondering how he got them in the first place. He had racked his memory repeatedly, trying to remember but found himself unable to remember anything apart from a whip cracking across his back. No person holding the whip, nothing else.

What he also found a little strange was that nobody else in his dorm seemed to pay heed to his wounds, even when he had walked into the large, communal bathroom without a shirt on about two weeks after he first received them. Sometimes he thought he had seen his ex, Draco, looking at his back with what may have been a sadistic gleam in his eyes and the faintest of smirks on his lips, but when he had looked again the expression always seemed to have vanished and he found himself almost convinced that the suspicion had been nothing but a paranoia. Almost, but not quite. After all, they both hated each other with a white-hot passion, and Draco was the kind of person who took pleasure in the pain and suffering of those he hated.

Blaise growled almost inaudibly, deep in his throat. Gods, he despised Draco. It was all because of Draco, – _**And that little slut, Pansy…**_ he mentally noted – that he seemed to have become the official Slytherin outcast. Nobody in his year spoke to him or acknowledged his presence unless they had to, let alone invited him to come out with them on Hogsmeade trips. If any of them sat next to him during classes, it was because of seating arrangements that had been initiated at the beginning of year.

Of course, Blaise knew he wasn't innocent of anything. Hell, he knew that playing Slytherin's unofficial Prince and Princess had been not only stupid but also downright wrong, but it had been kind of fun until Draco found out…

**_But since when did Slytherin's believe in doing the right thing?_** He paused to roll his eyes. **_Okay, so that was a bit of a stereotypical thought._** **_It's not like we don't have feelings just because we're Slytherins._**

But still, he did think that Draco had acted a bit dramatically. They had only been 'together' for about two months, and Draco seemed to have attempted suicide after they broke up (Though he did remember overhearing Pansy saying something about it not really being a suicide attempt), landing himself in the care of Madam Pomfrey for about a week. Still, he had felt a tinge of remorse when he found Draco in the Prefect's bathroom, nearly unconscious from blood loss. The remorse, however, pretty much evaporated on the day that he had become the laughing stock of the school; something which he heavily suspected had been the doing of Draco and Pansy although he lacked sufficient evidence to actually prove it. And the anger that he had felt for them that day had managed to bloom into outright hatred and a thirst for revenge when he realized that he had become an Outcast in his own house.

But how to seek this revenge was still something that Blaise was trying to put together in his mind. He didn't particularly want to humiliate them like he suspected they had planned to humiliate him. They would have been onto him in five seconds flat, and humiliation was – in his opinion at least – too amateur for older Slytherins, even if it was particularly effective. No, Blaise wanted his revenge to be something that would hit hard and strike deep at a particular weakness. Something that would burrow right underneath their skins and cause a severe amount of emotional and/or psychological damage for a long time to come. He knew that this particular type of revenge would take time to plan and put into action, but that wasn't of concern to him, as Blaise understood that sometimes a person had to be particularly patient in order to do or have something done absolutely perfect, and patience happened to be one of his strengths.

Blaise often thought of these kind of maneuvers akin to re-opening and infecting a wound. It had to be found, slowly and gradually picked at to open up before it was eventually ripped wide open and bleeding heavily before it was rubbed with vinegar. He smirked to himself. He'd always found himself rather fond of that symbolization.

Letting out a yawn, Blaise stretched his arms above his head and got to thinking about the previous Saturday at Hogsmeade when he had spent his day spying on Draco and Pansy separately. The earlier part of the day on Pansy while she wandered around Hogsmeade with her now-fiancé Marcus Flint, and the latter on Draco when he had left the group of friends at The Three Broomsticks.

A malicious gleam appeared in Blaise's dark eyes when he realized he may have very well found the weak spot that he had been looking for on Pansy. Re-playing the memory through his mind, he paused it on the very moment in The Three Broomsticks when Pansy and Marcus had announced their engagement, remembering the smiles – Real smiles of genuine happiness, not the phony kind so many people he knew normally plastered on in order to 'keep up appearances' – on their faces.

**_Marcus Flint. The one person that she would trust with her life..._**

At an almost breath-taking, dizzying speed, the first plan of revenge began to assemble itself within Blaise's mind like a twisted jigsaw puzzle. It was so easy, so simple that it seemed almost elementary, but it would still take time and patience to pull it off with absolute perfection.

**_But that's alright._** Blaise thought to himself with a smirk, interlacing the fingers of each hand behind his head. **_After all, patience is one of my strengths. I can wait as long as is required to pull this off with absolute perfection, and I can wait even longer to formulate and enact my revenge upon Draco if that is how fate says it shall be. Oh yes, I may have to wait, but when it does finally come to me and it has finally been put into action, I know thatit will havedefinitely been worth the wait..._**


End file.
